The what ifs of seat belts

This weekend we traveled up to Oudtshoorn.

The reason for going was there were two Championship D0g Shows on. I take Dexter to Dog Shows.

I am “that” person. It is a little like Toddlers and Tiaras, just less spray tan and false teeth, but other than that, pretty similar.

To be made up as a Champion, he has to earn 6 Championship Certificates.

Each show awards two certificates per breed – one for the best female and one for the best male in a breed. There is a lot of competition, and it is about how your dog is perceived by the judge in accordance with the breed standard, how he appears on that day, how he m0ves, and how he compares to the other Boston Terriers there.

Part of the 6 CC’s you need to earn (to be made up as a Champion according to KUSA) is that one is awarded after he is 18 months or older. You also have to earn at least one away from home – so you need to travel out of your geographic area to earn some of your CC points.

Three kids, a dog, and enough ‘crap and stuff’ to relocate to another country, and we were off for the weekend.

We drive the equivalent of a plumber’s van – it’s white, it’s large – the kids do not have to sit close to each other. The two girls sat in the back row, and Connor in the middle row with Dexter.

I always check the kids are wearing their seat belts. I am anal about seat belts. I reverse the car out of the garage into the drive way and I wear my seat belt.

As I reverse, or when I am about to drive I always say (after I have done a visual check) “Everyone got their seat belts on?”

Then I sound out their names, and they each say yes.

We had stopped along the way, and everyone had got back in, and I had not done a check. We were driving at at a certain point Kennith had to brake to reduce speed, it was not a huge shut-down-anchors-and-tear-the-tar, but it was a bit of a slow down – and it was enough.

Isabelle flew out of her seat with brute force, and her face slammed into the floor of the car.

She screamed. I looked back and her face came up and there was just blood and snot bubbles, and some more screaming – initially I could not work out how she had got out of her seat and ended up on the floor.

It did not help she was in a sleeping bag, so her hands could not come up to break her fall, or protect her face.

We couldn’t pull over immediately as we were driving down a pass, and there was no where to pull over safely. We had to continue driving for a few minutes before there was a safe enough area to pull over to the side of the road, with full screaming, me panicking, and screaming JUST GET YOUR SEAT BELT BACK ON!!! like a lunatic.

She was distressed, and had a cut on her top lip and it was swelling at a bit of a rate, and there was a lot of blood. Smallish cut, lots of blood, I guess are synonymous with cuts on your face.

We sat with her a bit until she calmed down, staunched the blood flow, buckled her up and started driving again.

I cannot keep thinking of how much worse that could have been. We could have had an accident, we could have been going faster, something could have happened, that made her slamming her face into the floor boards look like a walk-skip-and-jump in the park.

It wasn’t bad. I got away with forgetting to check my daughter was wearing a seat belt by a stroke of luck, and a small wake up call.

Thank fk it was not worse.

Thanks fk that my child did not go flying through the windscreen.

Thank fk that our trip to Oudtshoorn will be remembered for the great road trip that it was, Dexter winning a CC and a BOB, and not my child being killed because I forgot to check seat belts.

If you do not buckle your child up, even for short trips, I hope you read this as a wake up call.

Buckle up yourself, buckle up your children. No excuses. No arguments.

Buckle your shit up!

Research Data and Statistics on the importance of Seatbelts / Child Restraints/ Baby Seats (Sourced here)

A review of research on the effectiveness of seat-belts found that their use reduces the probability of being killed by 40–50% for drivers and front seat passengers and by about 25% for passengers in rear seats.
A study in Norway calculated that head injuries make up some 60% of all injuries to vehicle occupants. The study concluded that drivers and front seat passengers who do not use seat-belts suffer almost the same percentage of head injuries as non-users in rear seats.
Ejection from a vehicle is one of the most injurious events that can happen to a person in a crash, with 75% of all vehicle occupants ejected from a vehicle in a crash dying as a result.
Seat-belts are effective in preventing ejections: overall, 44% of unrestrained passenger vehicle occupants killed are ejected, partially or totally, from the vehicle, as compared to only 5% of restrained occupants.
Seat-belts are approximately 50% effective in preventing fatalities in crashes in which motorists would otherwise die. It is estimated that seat-belt use prevented about 15 200 deaths in the United States in 2004. If all passenger vehicle occupants over 4 years of age in the United States had used seat-belts in 2004, nearly 21 000 lives could have been saved (that is, an additional 5800 lives).
A review of various United States studies has shown that child safety seats that are correctly installed and used for children aged 0–4 years can reduce the need for hospitalization by 69%.
The risk of death for infants is reduced by 70%, and that for children aged 1–4 years by 47–54%. Of children aged under 5 years, 485 lives could have been saved in the United States in 2002 if all the children had been in child safety seats.
It has been estimated in the United Kingdom that new rules on the use of child restraints rather than adult seat-belts for children up to 135 cm in height or aged 12 years and above will save over 2000 child injuries or deaths every year .
It is estimated that within the European Union seat-belts currently reduce driver fatalities by 40%.
Wearing rates in European countries vary widely from around 70% to over 95%. If all European Union countries were to achieve a 99% wearing rate for drivers, 2400 lives would be saved each year.

- See more at: http://www.arrivealive.co.za/pages.aspx?i=2877#sthash.fY8lSzGC.dpuf

5 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 18, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Out with the Kids

Tagged Boston Terriers, Boston Terriers Cape Town, Buckle Me Up Campaign, Buckle up your child, Oudtshoorn

Posted by reluctantmom on June 18, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/18/the-what-ifs-of-seat-belts/

Tattoos and Goodwood Swimming Pool ….1983 flash back

I have been toying with getting a tattoo since I was about 10 or 11.

I saw a girl with an anchor tattoo on her arm at the Goodwood swimming pool. True story.

She has denim shorts, a white t-shirt with rolled up sleeves (this was in the 80′s, so really try and think WHAM with a hangover) and she wore a blue “captain’s” hat at a rakish angle.

I was in love.

I wanted to be her.

I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I loved her tattoo —I wanted her tattoo. I wanted her captain’s hat, and I wanted the boys to also crowd around me in that lecherous sort of manner.

I don’t think I had ever seen a tattoo on a girl, barring those ball-point-ink-and-points-of-your-geometry-compass ones some of the girls at my school made on their inner arms.

I did not exactly go to the kind of school where parents were going to give you money for cool clothing or tattoos, you sort of had to use the ink at school and your imagination.

I have thought about girl-with-tattoo-from-goodwood-swimming-pool often. I have thought about getting a tattoo for years.

Literally years, not the figurative ones that started last week Wednesday. Actual years with months in them, and often a paper calendar where you forget to tear of the months, and find in September, that you are still staring at the PAPSMEAR date you circled on 15 March with Dr ColdHands.

Then I wonder, what if I had got an anchor on my arm at 16 or 18 because I thought it was cool. How good would that look now?

When ever I think I like an image or an idea, I print the image out, and put it in my diary. Loose leafed. If in 6 months time I decide I still like it then I will look at getting it inked up.

The problem is I never like the same image in 6 months time.

The image always has some connection or emotional resonance with me. So it is not a tribal arm band or a fairy on my arse (and yes, if you have a tramp stamp – god forbid a tribal tramp stamp then I am going to judge you), but true as nuts, I look back at the image and I think “Fark, I hate it…. what if it was a permanent fixture … yikes.”

And so the pattern repeats itself year in and year out.

I have always loved fonts and text — always. Typography and collecting fonts is my little side hobby.

I often find a word or sentence or arbitrary thing that I think “is the one” – but time passes and I look at it, and I am again wondering how much I would then spend in laser treatment to have it removed.

I have been in lust about “white tattoos” for some time.

My brother in law is a very talented tattoo artist over at Metal Machine Tattoo and Body Piercing – he d0es wonderful work, and his shading and detail work is {swoon} value.

I can’t count the times he has explained the tattoo process to me. Given advise. Given suggestions. And I have thought about it, and have just not got to the point where I think I can commit to anything on me, done today,with today’s eyes that I would like to look at in 5 or 10 years time.

I saw this white ink tattoo recently, and it is so gorgeous — no the design has no meaning to me, and it is probably not right for me, but it is quite beautiful.

I still do not quite understand (and this is not said in a negative or a judgmental tone, it is a real question) how someone makes a judgement and a decision on getting a tattoo and do they really still like it in 5 years.

Or do they just say they do, because they are sort of stuck with it.

I can’t think of wearing a t-shirt that I thought was cool 5 years ago now, because my definition and taste has changed so much.

How many people get tattoos, and regret having it done?

12 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 14, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged Cape Town Blogger, Metal Machine Tattoo and Body Piercing, Mommy Blogs, Reluctant Mom Blog, Tattoos

Posted by reluctantmom on June 14, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/tattoos-and-goodwood-swimming-pools-1983-flash-back/

Tweeting and onesies for adults …..

In an effort to catch up to 2010, I have finally started using Twitter.

What I mean by using, is that I follow about 150 people and gobble up their tweets like they are manna from heaven. It seems that there are some seriously funny/despicable/morally decrepit people on Twitter.

It does make me very warm and smiley, and more envious that people can be that clever with such a limited character base.

I am nervous to tweet.

I feel like I have just arrived at a party, everyone is there, everyone is funny, intoxicated, dressed to impress, and I am standing there wearing dungarees with a bag of opened Chuckles in the pocket in front. I am wondering how to strike up conversation, but I am wondering if I should pour a drink and go into the kitchen and wash dishes —- that is a good way to be useful, and remove myself from the social pressure, and maybe have the odd person talk to me as they come in to the kitchen to refill their drink and they will say “hey, why you are you washing dishes ….”

I tweet and then sit there and wait for someone to respond.

No one does. I am actually not sure exactly how it works.

This further adds to the sense of “wearing a head brace” and Bata Toughees to a Marie Claire party full of swanky good looking, rich and successful people. Feeling awkward.

This morning I opened Twitter – as I do with my morning cup of tea, and I was like WTF??

Three tweets I have no recollection of posting. I panicked and thought “fk, fk, fk, please please please do not let me have much in the way of damage control to do………what the hell have I done and who to??? Can I blame it on the Facebook Hacker shit? Can I? Can I?”

I calmed down, and reread the posts and I thought they were pretty good – I did not realise I was that clever. I am also pretty funny. No freaking idea where that came from.

If you received an sms or an email or a facebook post from me after say 22h00 last night, please be so good as to just delete it.

The last one I recall was the Woolworths comment about the onesie — after that, nothing.

Seriously though, who in their right mind as an adult would wear a onesie? I think they are cute, for a 3 year old, but I wouldn’t put my 11 year old in it. Good grief …. who buys this stuff? And why do they both look so happy — how the hell are you meant to get to your stuff when you are zipped up from your crotch to your neck? And seriously why, why, why!!!!

So I am on twitter – and I have no fckn idea what I am doing most of the time – but that is sort of a reflection of how I function — I cannot promise that there will be many tweets, as I tend to stand around a lot and shuffle my feet …….. I also get a bit nervous when I receive notifications that people are following me … I interpret it as stalking me …. and my paranoia tends to pick up a bit.

5 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 13, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Blogs and Forums

Tagged Reluctant Mom Blog, Reluctant Mom on Twitter, twitter

Posted by reluctantmom on June 13, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/tweeting-and-onesies-for-adults/

Is it wrong to make babies cry?

The story seems to be, babies are given a lollipop, which is then snatched away from them — and great photographs are taken, to convey the sense of desperation, sadness, frustration that society is enveloped in.

The photographer defends this idea, stating, “The first little boy I shot, Liam, suddenly became hysterically upset…It reminded me of helplessness and anger I feel about our current political and social situation.”

This series has sparked a controversy in the art community: is it okay to make babies cry for the sake of art?

I know it is only a lollipop, I know that parents often do much worse.

I also think that maybe we are a bit too sensitive when it comes to children. In a bid to rise up against abuse and poor parenting, I have found that people have actually just gone shit balls over board. Everything you do as a parent is micro-examined and you need to constantly on the looking for the “parent police” – usually disguised as know it all, hemp wearing, organic eating, people with questionable body hygiene talking to you about breastfeeding until your child is at university, co-sleeping, never letting your child cry ever, and well lots of things …… but I digress.

Suggesting that taking a lollipop away from a child is a good idea, is just enough to get you lined up next to Hitler and that guy who locked his daughter in a cellar, as Not the Greatest Parents of the Year. Just not a good idea.

Last night I sent Isabelle to her room for 2 minutes as she had drawn with a pen on a table cloth.

I forgot about her, and only realised she was still in her room screaming her head off about 10 minutes later. It was also her birthday, so the fact that I had made her blow snot bubbles and cry huge crocodile tears was even further down the scale of “bad parenting.”

I think the images are amazing.

I think the images can be used to make a comment about pretty much anything – in this case it is the artist’s frustration about politics and christian fundamentalists in the United States.

Is this worse than strapping bombs to your children and sending them out to blow themselves up as martyrs in the name of religion 0r for a political party?

Is this worse than children who are sold by their family as se.x slaves or servants?

Is this worse than taking children along to demonstrations that are clearly going to end in blood shed and with a few bullets being thrown around?

Is it worse than parents who drag their children through beauty pageants and apply layers of really good for you yellow spray tan?

Is this worse than children who are allowed to watch WWF and South Park?

Part of me wants to say, hey, its not nice to take lollipops away from children — it is okay to take lollipops away from fat children, or children with tooth decay, or children who have already had 5 ….. but not nice children like these appear to be.

The other part of me wants to say “Its a lollipop for goodness sake, get a grip.”

I guarantee Liam, Noah and Emily in these photographs are going to be far more pleased with being part of a kick arse art exhibition, and having these images of themselves, than they ever are going to be upset by the lollipop thing.

Blankie seems to be fine. And he got hung out of a window. If that kid can bounce back from the one leg dangle out of a hotel window, then we really are under estimating how resilient our children are.

Angry Country by Jill Greenberg

Prayer by Jill Greenberg

See more of the images by Jill Greenberg at http://kopeikingallery.com/exhibitions/view/end-times

Just so that we keep this lollipop thing in perspective — here is a “not so bad” versus “yep that is pretty bad” sliding scale

6 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 12, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged Blogs about Moms with kids, Cape Town Blog, Jill Greenberg, Lollipop Images, Moms who Blog, Reluctant Mom

Posted by reluctantmom on June 12, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/is-it-wrong-to-make-babies-cry/

daddy, daddy cool …. hummed to the boney m tune ….

Father’s Day in South Africa 2013 is on Sunday, 16 June …..

Here’s my list of what makes a daddy-daddy-cool dad

Put their interests first, always.
Protect them.
Teach your son how to be a polite and courteous man.
Teach your daughter that she is loved, and adored and does not need to gain anyone’s approval.
Show them by example.
Spend your spare time with them.
Give them hugs. Tell them you love them.
Do the “mom” stuff – get involved in the routine stuff.
Read to them.
Put the iphone down, interact with them.
Stand by their mom – be a united front – don’t fight in front of them.
Teach them self-esteem.
Teach them about finances.
Be good to yourself.

It’s not a comprehensive list, but there are my 14 – feel free to add a few, or change to suit.

Exclusive Books has teamed up with Reluctant Mom, and I have a great collection of books to give away to the special dad in your life – it can be anyone’s dad. Maybe it’s your dad, your granddad, your children’s dad, your teacher’s dad, a dad you know who is just a cool dad – someone who can be a daddy-daddy-cool dad for 2013.

He does need to know how to read, else the books are really going to be wasted on him. So give that some consideration as you work through the possible people you want to nominate.

What is better than giving away one collection of books from Exclusive Books?

Giving away two collections!! Yay — I am so excited, because you know how much I love books.

Nominate the dad you think could do with a lie on the couch, a pile of books, and some decent coffee or a cold beer — sorry I can’t supply the coffee or the beer — but I can supply the books.

Leave a comment, nominate your dad-person, and tell us why he is such a cool guy, and a great dad.

Two hampers, two chances up for grabs. These are awesome books. No need to even get in your car and drive to the store to collect them – we will deliver them to you {entries are limited to addresses in south africa — okay, that is pretty much all the small print}

No retweet, repost or any crazy stuff – just leave a comment. Here on this post. And that as they say is all.

Entries close on Monday, the 17th June 2013 – some time after sunset. I will announce the winners of the two hampers on Friday, 21 June 2013.

Easy? Freaking easy and awesome — nominate your person. Done!

24 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 10, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Books I have read, Free Swag & Stuff

Tagged 16 June, Blogs with giveaways, daddy-daddy-cool, daddy-daddy-cool giveaway, Exclusive Books, Father's Day, Father's Day in South Africa 2013 Sunday, List of what makes a great dad

Posted by reluctantmom on June 10, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/daddy-daddy-cool-sung-in-the-boney-m-tune/

A case of jealousy ….. she is a slanty green eyed little bitch ….

I have really had a case of the “why the fkc is that not me” moment/day/week/period {leave time frame that is most appropriate}

I look around and there are blogs that have an epic following.

Bloggers are going on to write car manuals, design new ways to hide from their kids, and methods to watch Game of Thrones uninterrupted, and suggestions on what to wear and eat.

Bloggers who are funny, pretty, clever, and well just so everything to the level that it makes me feel a bit shit actually.

I start to look at my lot in life and go, but why am I not famous, and adored and why do I not have trolls.

Why the hell do I not look fabulous all over instagram?

Why in gds name can I not work out how Twitter works?

Why do I hate myself when ever I see myself in the mirror?

And why did we buy a house with floor to ceiling mirrors in our bathroom?

Maybe it is the weather. There is meant to be a connection between rainy, dark skies and the likelihood of someone making a shiv and ending it all.

I am in general not a “happy for you” sort of person, so let’s keep the base level in mind.

I don’t have enough happy for you in me. At most times my reservoir of happy is pretty much empty or at the very least dripping out in a very unhappy stream. Not unlike the outside tap that is never repaired, and eventually drips that slimy green/black mark against the back wall.

I tend to think in terms of “why did it not happen to me” or “what have I done wrong…” and seldom get truly happy or excited for me, or for you.

At your happiness I grumble a bit under my breath, and try my best to smile at you. I don’t hate you for being successful, or doing well. I hate me for not. Subtle difference. See it is all about me. In my head.

I am not quite in the dead zone of depression, but my spirits are definitely flagging somewhat. This “just keep on” bullshit is …. well a bit of bullshit.

I looked at Raising Men’s blog recently and I thought, shit, she has done well. All the kudos to her. I feel pretty damn jealous she appears to have such a cool life – and photographs really flipping well. Here is a girl who could have child throw up on her shoulder, be drinking a warm Budweiser, and wearing a sack, and she would be gorgeous. And clever. And for fuck sake she likes bunnies. What is not to like? I am jealous that she is under 30, looks like a super model, and appears to weigh less than my winter knickers. I stalk her — often. When no one is looking.

I looked at The Bloggess and thought, fkn hell she is unbelievably funny – how do you get that funny, and stay that funny? And more importantly how the hell do you write such a funny book? She is unbelievable, and she just has to BE. I want to be her. I want to be famous and fabulous and have a chicken named Beyoncé. I want her stuff.

I looked at The Blessed Barrenness and I thought, holy shit balls she is busy making banana loaf, a great stew, she has a new baby and is so damn happy. And she is probably one of the nicest people around. Excuse me whilst I pour myself some more wine and wonder if when I grow up I could be as nice as her. I covet her life. I covet her kitchen. I covet her food.

I looked at Margot over at Jou Ma se Blog who clearly stole the best name for a blog. In the world. Assuming that FuckMotherhood.c0m has come available again. Margot is everything that is right with blogging – she is clever, and witty, and writes with such passion and never seems to sell her soul or go ape shit and have to apologise later. She writes for publications what put ink onto paper. Bless her. I have been sneaking around her blog for years. Actually I don’t hate Margot for anything, I just want to be as good as she is and I am jealous that I do not have her talent. I loved the fact that she refers to her kids on occasion as “little fuckers” – makes me love her more. Makes me envy her more. Some days I want to “cut and paste” her blog posts to my blog and just change the name. Margot when I am mature, can I be like you?

I read a recent post over at Living Lionheart and I am in awe of her writing. Her ability to turn a phrase and grab just the essence of a thought, so effortlessly. I am jealous she is so damn good. I want her to be my best friend. I want her to tell me I am fabulous, as I smile, and bat my eyelashes demurely and say “Oh, I’m not, really I am not…..” as I push my cleavage further out to make the dimensions of my breasts look far more than my waist. I don’t think that is going to work out, so in the interim I will covet the shit out of her and be envious as shit.

My latest obsession is a Slice of Humble. No idea exactly what the blog is about – okay she is 28 years old and has five kids. I am guessing that is sort of the them. I am more hooked on her Facebook status updates than I am on her blog. She is ridiculously funny – I want to be that funny, damn it — I would be laughing at myself every time I sat by myself. People would fawn over me, pr0mise me trinkets and shower me with nuggets of chocolate. I am fairly sure I do not want 5 kids at 28. But can she keep her kids. I just want her funny. I don’t think I have ever been that funny. Ever.

Then I have this friend Natalie B. Natalie had a baby in December 2012. She rode her bike about 150 kilometers (out of choice) in February. She does a race or triathlon every weekend, or thereabouts, Ran the 2013 London Marathon, and 2013 Comrades … and appears to be able to juggle her baby and work, and her life faultlessly. She is such a nice person, so easy-going, and does not seem to have any hang ups. Kennith asked me last week, isn’t Baby N like 6 months old? I am like: ” uh-huh… something like that.”

Kennith goes “Natalie just finished Comrades …. her baby is 6 months old ” …

I think he implied that my youngest is nearly four and I am lying on the bed stuffing a Cadbury chocolate into my pie-hole and moaning about the “baby weight” that I am still struggling to shift. I adore Natalie. I hate Natalie. I want Natalie’s DNA, long legs, and happy going easy style – can I swap her those for my daily overriding craving for a McMuffin with sausage and egg?

Okay, the list of things/people I lust for and covet is hardly complete, and it could go on for a very long time.

Please do not send me a note asking why I did not mention you. I am just stewing in my warm pool of jealousy and self loathing — it is a lonely place but warm and sort of comforting when you waddle in it, and just lie back and let the stickiness just envelop you.

Wondering why you aren’t on the list – odds are I am already on to you. I have spent many hours trolling your blog/instagram/faceb0ok page. I just don’t have the energy to extend this list right now.

If you have any suggestions for who else I should be jealous of, please free to flip your suggestion into the hat.

I am too busy self-flagellation, to add more right now.

Tomorrow will be better. Or it won’t.

Today I sit here looking not dissimilar to Golum, mumbling “my precious under my breath….” as I wonder how I will steal the ring back from you.

{I am having a moment so forgive me slightly for my rambling and inability to string a decent sentence together – see need to be a bit more like Stacey and Margot.}

21 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 7, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Blogs and Forums

Tagged Blogs about Moms, Cape Town Blogs, http://thebloggess.com/, http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/, Reluctant Mom, Reluctant Mom Blog

Posted by reluctantmom on June 7, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/a-case-of-jealousy-she-is-a-slanty-green-eyed-little-bitch/

Monday …. birthdays and wine estates …..

Isabelle turns 4 on Monday, 10 June 2013.

She is in the running to be my favourite child.

I know people say “I love all my children the same” … yeh, I think you do, but you love them differently.

I have different connections with each of my children, and I like different things about them.

I know I should be “like and sharing” more “if you love your child then like this image” but I am not sure I like them enough all the time to do that. If I start sharing all that crap on Facebook then I can’t sit here in my cushion of sarcasm and judge other people who do. It is a little burst of joy I have, please do not rob me of it.

I like it about as much as I like the one where people are telling me how much they love their sexy husbands on Facebook status updates — for the love of gd, get a room, get off Facebo0k, make him a pie or something.

If that shit floats your boat, please carry on as you were …. am I the only one who wants to stab people who like and relike and then share this shit?

But I digress ….. Isabelle is a challenging child.

She is four (on Monday) and her speech is probably that of a 2 and a 1/2 year old.

She can make the sounds, can sound out the alphabet, and the word if you do it with her, but she has an inability to plan a word, so in her hands you end up standing there and not having a clue what she is rattling on about.

We have done speech therapy, and I must be honest, I am not sure it is working.

I am not convinced she would have made the same level of speech progress if just left to get on with it.

I get what she is saying about 70% of the time, the other 30% I am standing there with a furrow in my forehead while she is saying the same thing. Louder and louder. And I still have no idea what she wants.

Eventually it results in me yelling: “use your words, I do not know what you want” and her then starting to escalate the demand and scream and cry at the same time. Usually when I am trying to drive, and she is in the back of the car and wants me to do something. While I am driving. It sometimes involves me taking off her shoes. Just to reiterate I am driving, and she is sitting in the third row of a van …..

Because she struggles to be understood she tends to throw wobblies (a nice word for going off her fkn face in the kitchen) because she wants something.

She knows what it is, and is screaming it at us, and we are standing there handing her the tomato sauce, a spoon, a small unopened bag of cookies, a tin of tuna, change for the blind, when actually she would like a glass of Pinotage.

She is the youngest in our family, and probably the child we fear the most.

Hands down she would beat Connor and Georgia in a bare hands fist fight.

I think Connor and Georgia have realised arguing with her is pointless because if she does not get what she wants, then odds are she will kick you in the groin. On the up side she says “kick you” very clearly, so we do praise her every time with “well done Isabelle” – I sense we might be sending a mixed message.

Monday is her birthday. Her birthday is overshadowed every year as Georgia has her birthday on the 20th, and we do a combined party – but only with Georgia’s friends. I am not sure Isabelle has realised she has not had a birthday since she arrived, but she is not saying, so we are taking that as a non-issue.

This year I was planning to send cake to school and maybe organise a face painter or something. But instead (because I can’t get a face painter) I have decided that I will spend the day with her.

Have a Isabelle Day.

I will send her to school in the morning with cake, so she can still celebrate a bit with her friends, and then I will collect her at 12h00 and we can head out and do a nice lunch and find a play area.

She can then walk around Toys R Us and choose a present for herself – maybe stop at a wine estate, I think she will like that. I think once she has gone to Toys R Us, I will be such a hero, I could probably take her to a three hour reading of Moby Dick, and I will still be a hero!

The one benefit of working for myself – if we discount the risk of financial insolvency, and the constant nagging sensation that maybe you really need to spend more time on bizcommunity and get yourself a damn job – is that I can take off a few hours and spend it with Isabelle on her birthday, and do not have to fill in a pile of paperwork, nor weasel up to my boss with tears in my eyes.

Cool that! Happy Isabelle Day on Monday (and happy David D’Aguiar Day on Monday as well!!).

2 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 6, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Birthday Parties

Posted by reluctantmom on June 6, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/monday-birthdays-and-wine-estates/

37 weeks …..and the fun of government health care

Priv is 37 weeks this Friday, and I am petrified for her.

I have stood on my head and called as many people as I could, but there was very little in the way of her being able to get her into a hospital and confirm that if she arrives at 02h00 with amniotic fluid dripping out of her ya-hoo she can get immediate attention. or at least be in the right queue.

Basically the system is she goes to a clinic. The clinic then refers her to a day hospital, the day hospital in turn then refer her to a hospital who can then deliver the baby.

It really is a long winded process, and it sort of explains clearly why babies are delivered on the road side or in taxi’s.

Please bear in mind she cannot go to the day hospital unless she is referred by the clinic.

Priv is 37 weeks, and she is still having to haul arse to the day clinic once a week. I am sort of trying to understand that this is the system and everyone should wait their turn.

I am trying to be reassured by this. That assuming there is nothing seriously the matter, she can stand in a queue at the clinic whilst in labour, and wait for them to refer her to the day hospital, and then stand there and wait until they refer her to the hospital … assuming she has not actually delivered the baby whilst standing in the queue.

Again I am trying very hard to be patient, and not get my white suburban madam knickers in a knot, but here is the part where I am alarmed.

Every time she goes to the clinic, they look at her foetal assessment scan which she had at 24 weeks, and make a judgment from there. They have not felt her stomach, have no idea if the baby is standing on her head or doing cartwheels – no idea.

I took her to the foetal assessment centre as she only realised she was pregnant at +22 weeks and had no pre-natal care at that point.

The scan the clinic is looking at is 13 weeks old, and at this point her baby could have done a somersault, moved in furniture and gone out for a curry.

I am so frustrated with this process I want to scream.

I have tried to call everyone to try and ensure she gets some indication of proper care – I really do not want Priv to find out there is a problem after she has been in 48 hours of labour and has to catch a taxi to the hospital after being left sitting on a wooden bench at the clinic for the last two days.

There is no end to the amount of “being bounced” that is a continual theme of dealing with the government health system.

I made another appointment for her tomorrow at the foetal assessment centre – if they are going to work off an old scan, let them at least have something that might indicate the baby is in her stomach and which way it is facing, and that she is actually still in there.

Screaming in frustration!!

8 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 4, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Birth Experience

Posted by reluctantmom on June 4, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/37-weeks-and-the-fun-of-government-health-care/

Knock knock, whose there …. the Organics winner that’s who ….

Thanks to everyone who entered, thanks to everyone who wheeled out their Knock Knock jokes – it really is one of those that no matter how stupid they are, you still manage a smile.

When I was at Technikon here was a slew of really bad jokes without a real punch line, which at the time I thought were hysterical. Now I just think I was under medicated.

The Organics Hamper winner is

Andrea – please send through your physical address – courier will need to deliver – please send this via Facebook.

The Blood of Flowers ….

I have just finished The Blood of Flowers, written by Anita Amirrezvani.

The book is set in 17th-century Persia.

A 14-year-old woman’s prospects of marriage are ruined when her beloved father dies. She is alone with her mother, no family support and no way to survive.

With nowhere else to go, they are forced to sell the turquoise rug the young woman has woven to pay for their journey to Isfahan.

They hope to throw themselves on the mercy of the father’s brother who is a successful carpet maker, who serves the court of the legendary Shah Abbas the Great. The uncle and aunt are a respectable, and reasonably wealthy family – who can afford to take on the support of two family members.

The uncle and aunt offer them a roof over their heads. Instead of being regarded as family, they are treated as lowly servants.

The story is focused on the young girl, and how much she learns about life in Isfahan, how she develops as a carpet designer and weaver, and how she changes from a young innocent girl, to be a provider for her family.

Her family arrange a marriage – a sigheh (a temporary, renewable “marriage” which is essentially a form of semi-respectable prostitution) – which effects the girls outlook on the world, and also makes it almost impossible for her to enter into a legitimate marriage with a respectable man/family after that.

The book focuses quite a bit of time on how the girl improves her se.xu.al prowess to be granted a renewed sigheh — which I sort of found a bit disconcerting. Young girls being pi.mp.ed by their family, not really a favourite theme of mine I am afraid.

It did make me fall on the floor and give thanks I was not a woman in the Arabian world, who had to deal with trying to live and survive when everything (from religion, to culture, to employment) is pitted against women (consciously or not) being able to survive without a man as provider and protector.

I am sure this was not meant to be the point of the story being taken from the book – but I could not help thinking that it really was a cruel society for women and young girls if they did not have the protection of father/man in their society.

I enjoyed the book.

I did feel there was a lot of time and attention spent on how the girl became a better bride for her sigheh – which as said is really the exchange of her being a rich man’s prostitute for a few months and money changing hands. She does not benefit from this other than getting a bag of silver – which also does not go to her – but her family who decide how it is going to be distributed.

For all the “honour” this situation is pipped as being, it really is a way for parents/family to prostitute out their girls, so I did not really warm to this aspect of it.

A 3 out of 5 star sort of book.

The story is interesting, and on the upside does not have the “everyone is happy ever after”ending ….

“Anita Amirrezvani has written a sensuous and transporting first novel filled with the colors, tastes and fragrances of life in seventeenth-century Isfahan…Amirrezvani clearly knows and loves the ways of old Iran, and brings them to life with the cadences of a skilled story-spinner.” — Geraldine Brooks, author of March

…………………………….

I’m getting stuff done today ….

3 Comments

by reluctantmom on June 1, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Posted by reluctantmom on June 1, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/im-getting-stuff-done-today/

Just how I feel …

This is a perfect illustration of exactly how I feel some days.

Fortunately I have not had a day like this in some time, and I am so damn grateful.

Not sure where this image is from, so I can’t credit it to it’s source.

3 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 31, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Depression

Tagged Depression and Anxiety, Struggling with depression

Posted by reluctantmom on May 31, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/just-how-i-feel/

We do sort of lose the plot with Instagram ….

I have not paid the additional fee to be able to upload videos. It is not about the money, I am just too shit scared to make any switches incase I lose my entire blog.

This parady on Instagram is set to Nickelback is hysterically funny — I laughed like a drain today.

Oh good times.

Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn-dD-QKYN4

2 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 30, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged Instagram

Posted by reluctantmom on May 30, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/we-do-sort-of-lose-the-plot-with-instagram/

Please bow when addressing me ….

I really seldom to “questions to the public” as I like to figure out things for myself, but here is one that I am a bit perplexed by.

Me: phone rings …. hello Celeste speaking ….

Person: Hello, this is Pastor Bill …..

Me: Err …. hi Bill, how are you …

Person: Fine thank you ….

And then he continues to chat. Further on he referred to himself as Pastor Bill again.

Would it be fair to say “Listen Pastor Bill, I’d like a do over you can’t call me Celeste any more …. I think Mrs or Her Serene Highness is going to work better.”

Of course I am not. Because giving yourself a title, unless you are Darth Vader makes you sound like a fucktard!! And why can he not just be Bill.

This by the way, is not a religious rant – I have the same issue when I am dealing with people who call themselves Mr or Mrs.

Why would someone introduce themselves with a title? Please bear in mind he is not my Pastor. Can you give yourself a title — and when is it considered correct to refer to yourself by an external title?

I often speak to people who refer to themselves as Mr or Mrs and this is in response to me introducing myself by my first name.

I gauge from their voices that I am probably older than they are.

So my question is why would you ever refer to yourself with a title, unless you need to address a letter to yourself and then why the hell would you choose to?

The social etiquette around this makes me giddy with excitement.

Seriously who actually refers to themselves with a title, and for what reason?

8 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 30, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Odds and Sods

Tagged Referring to yourself as Mrs, Titles

Posted by reluctantmom on May 30, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/please-bow-when-addressing-me/

Volunteering at Ubuntu House ….

I have had “must volunteer at Ubuntu House” sitting on my sh*t do to list for years. Not figuratively years, but literal years. I think since 2010 if I recall correctly.

I keep printing out the forms, looking for my best inky pen, filling them in.

Then promptly losing them on my desk, and getting side tracked with life.

I phone Ubuntu House again, they send the forms, again, and I would promptly repeat the process.

But not this year. This year, this month I have my stuff together.

Saturday I am attending their “Volunteer Course” which I assume will include information about which side of the baby to keep upright. How to clean poo bums. How to cuddle a baby that is struggling with human interaction, and hopefully how not to get too attached so you do not try to sneak a baby out of the center all snuggled up against you.

I think they have a rule about that.

Excited. Lots.

Apprehensive. A bit.

Want to support Ubuntu House? You can, visit their page and see what they need.

2 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 29, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Adoption, Ubuntu House

Tagged Ubuntu House

Posted by reluctantmom on May 29, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/volunteering-at-ubuntu-house/

Since we lost Pluto … we really need another planet …

Introducing Planet Hiltron — I am sure it is about deep and meaningful things as well, but I like the images that are “if celebrities were just normal people…”

What makes it even funnier, is that whilst you are chuckling and coughing your tea on to your screen you are going: “That’s exactly how they would look.”

Enjoy. And yes, I know, its a pleasure.

Madge and Lourdy

Jennifer L

Kardashians

Kim and Kanye …

Brad and Angelina

Britney Spears

If you are sensitive, please do not look at this one — it will ruin Johnny for you for years to come …

Nicole Kidman

Pop over and visit Planet Hiltron on Facebook to check out some more of these awful but really funny images.

3 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 29, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Posted by reluctantmom on May 29, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/since-we-lost-pluto-we-really-need-another-planet/

So Close …. give away to two Reluctant Mom readers

I used my scientific method of pointing randomly whilst I scroll down my screen with my eyes closed, to pick the lucky recipients from the Book GiveAway Blog Post for So Close by Tertia Albertyn.

Great book, loved the read, if you would like to read by book review, please go to this link.

Results of random finger pointing at the screen goes to:

1 book I bought and read which will be sent along to

And the second is from the very generous Tertia who said she would send a book on as well, so that goes along to:

I hope you enjoy the books, and I hope you will pass it forward to another reader who will have the opportunity to smile, and cry through this book as much as I did – and I hope you will.

Please send me a note via Facebook with your postal addresses, and I can arrange to get the books sent on to you.

4 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 28, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Books I have read

Tagged So Close book review, So Close by Tertia Albertyn

Posted by reluctantmom on May 28, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/so-close-give-away-to-two-readers/

When you use the R word ….. and people shit themselves ….

Georgia is definitely one of those children who measure outside of the curve.

She is a happy, content, very bright child, intelligent and happy in her own skin.

The issue with a child who is really and well adjusted, but does not quite align herself to the main stream school system and way of thinking is that sooner or later, she is going to start to slip behind.

She will not be able to finish the 10 questions in the 30 seconds allocated.

Not because she is stupid or slow, but just because after question three she thought she saw a unicorn walk by, so has been looking out the window wondering if the forest fairy, will see Smurfette standing there and if she will invite her to tea with a porcupine and a hedgehog.

Clearly this is far more interesting than the next 7 questions about Biff and Chip.

The result is then she is scored 3 out of 10. The first time she won’t mind, because she is not really that affected by being praised and being top of her class. But repeat the same exercise 20 times, and when the other children start to call her names because she is slow. And the teacher eventually starts to sigh in frustration, because she has to remind Georgia for the fifth time to please get her pencil out of her chair bag.

Then that becomes a problem and starts to effect Georgia’s self esteem.

This has really been a very long process with Georgia. It started when she was in Grade R, and I had her assessed with an OT and a ST.

I used both of them, as they were able to supply tools and methods of working that was a benefit to Georgia. As time has moved on, the issue regarding her ability to “stay on point” and concentrate has really become an issue.

It is not impacting her work, her self confidence and her sense of self at the moment.

She is bright, content, assured and does well scholastically.

My concern is that next year the work is going to get more, and once her concentration waivers she is going to be left behind.

I have considered changing her to a different school – maybe a Montessori, or another type of school, or looking at home schooling her (I wouldn’t do the home schooling) ….

I have been to an educational psychologist who came well recommended. She met with the two of us, then did an extensive evaluation with Georgia.

Then met with her teacher, her OT, her ST and scheduled another meeting with me.

To say this process was lengthy and thorough would not hint at it.

In the feedback session, the Educational Psychologist spent a long time explaining how Georgia’s mind worked.

How she was so pre-occupied with what was happening inside her head, and how what happened in the outside world was of such little importance to her.

The key was she is bright, happy, content and quite at peace with where she is in the world.

I don’t think the word “Ritalin” can ever be mentioned without your breath catching in your throat, and your mind going “wait, wait, wait one darn moment!”

When the phrase ADD is bandied around, you start to wonder if you could throw up into the decorative vase, or whether it might be easier to just chew it back. (I opted for chewing it back)

The decision to medicate (or not to medicate) a happy, bright, content, clever, kind, generous, beautiful child is a difficult one.

I do not think anyone treads lightly when making this decision.

An added challenge is that the word “ritalin” is about as upsetting to most people as using the word ni.gger casually as you ask someone to “pass you the peas”. Shew, people get really riled up, and starts quoting you all sorts of shit and most of it starts with “my friend” …..

When all the highly emotional words and feelings are put aside, I need to look at what is best for Georgia.

Georgia’s brain fires off too much dopamine and norepinephrine, and the result is that the noise in her head is as loud and as distracting as the noise outside her head. (If anyone understands that, it is me)

Which makes it really difficult for her to differentiate between the two.

I think it is easier for me to understand that the issue here is a chemical imbalance, or a chemical under or over supply.

Instead of giving her organic rasberries and singing kumba-ja-ma-lord around a camp fire, and monitoring her sugar intake, I have opted to go with the more direct route.

I want to give her the thing that will help her brain to release/absorb the right chemicals in the right quantities. I do not want to change her.

I do not want her to not be distracted by rainbows and unicorns. I do want her, when she needs to, to be able to concentrate and be able to apply her mind …. and when she is done, then she can go and play in the land where everyone is blue and three apples high!

We plan to do a 6 month trial, she will be monitored by my Psychiatrist who I have been with for years, and who I think is brilliant – this will be done in conjunction with the educational psychologist, her teacher, us as her parents and her OT teacher.

Not an easy decision to make. I have opted for the Concerta instead of the Ritalin.

18 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Tagged Concerta, Educational Psychologist, Ritalin

Posted by reluctantmom on May 27, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/27/when-you-use-the-r-word-and-people-shit-themselves/

Only Gay On The Beach ….. Towel

Which is really only funny if you say it in the same voice as the Little Britain’s committed ‘homosexualist’ Daffyd who regularly announces: “I’m the only gay in the village.”

If you are, or would like to be, or if you really like beach towels — then here is the perfect beach towel for you.

It has also been reduced in price, so that is a win all around.

The part I like the most is there is a button “Ask a question about this product” — I do think that some of the questions will be interesting anecdotal reading.

Make a seaside statement with this eye-catching rainbow beach towel. Bright, bold and 100% cotton, let the world know exactly who you are!

……………………..

{Thanks to Kennith Barlow for telling me about this one Yes, I have also wondered what he was searching for which made him end up on this product.}

2 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 25, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged Only Gay On The Beach Towel

Posted by reluctantmom on May 25, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/only-gay-on-the-beach-towel/

The pitter patter of little black feet ……

Connor asked me yesterday if I am ever just sad. Sad for no reason. Just sad!

I told him I was, and it is okay to be sad, you do not have to be “happy” all the time, because people tell you to be.

He started telling me that he has felt really sad for the last two or three weeks. He says he sits in class and it feels like a dark cloud comes over him, and he is just sad.

He doesn’t know why he is sad. He doesn’t know how not to be sad.

He asked me what I do when I feel sad.

I said I tend to want to find time and places where I can just be alone, and have a bit of time and space to work through how I feel.

Sometimes it helps to do something you enjoy, even if you are not in the mood, because sometimes whilst doing what you enjoy, you start to smile, and then the cloud breaks and you get a glimmer of “feeling okay” ….

Connor has always been an old soul. He feels too much, he values how you feel too much in his day.

I worry for Connor.

I worry there is a black dog sniffing around his door.