You know when you just have a “I feel really shite and I should have just stayed home” day. I was fine physically, but for some reason I felt like I was on the verge of having a total break with reality sort of day, you know the kind?
Please tell me you do, so I do not feel like a total freak of nature.
I do realize that I am way past sounding like the crazy cat lady – but I am not sure how far past. My friend suggested it was possibly all the hype pre-wedding and then the stuff after. And add my stuff now. She felt I was just a little emotionally-strained and well, she did not want to say sensitive and emotional, but I knew where she was going.
This entire weekend, I just felt flat, and removed from everything.
I think part of it is the rather somber conversation Kennith and I had on Friday night.
In one conversation I realized that this may well spell the end of my surrogacy/possibly fourth child/adoption and any plans that require the purchase of maternity wear and booties.
I realized I am sounding a bit unhinged.
I woke up this morning at 03h40 so by the time I got to work I was totally destroyed. I am one of those people who needs eight hours sleep, else does not function and starts to experience a bit of a strain.
At office – feeling all sad and flat – I am in an open plan office, and I face my entire team while I work. So I figured I will just have a quiet little cry there at my monitor and carry on working … you know, as you do. Sad, but productive.
Fortunately every time someone looked at me and they start to frown at the state of my face – I just said “insomnia” and they nodded sagely, and then give me a little look of sympathy.
Of course that did not explain the raccoon-mascara rings on my face, but bless my colleagues for just ignoring me and getting on with their day.
On the stranger side, Kennith had a s.e.x. dream, that included me and chutney … listen I don’t even make this stuff up … the Mrs Balls’ variety. He even texted me today asking if he should stop and pick up some chutney … and they say I am having a break with reality <sigh>!