I must confess to feeling better today and slightly more sane. I have no idea what the hell happened from Thursday through to yesterday – I was in a funk of diabolic proportion.
Hell, I even started to worry a bit about myself there.
Last night I had a very long sleep, and definitely woke up feeling a bit more bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. The heaviness that I felt on my shoulders the last few days, has definitely lifted – or just lightened somewhat to allow me the space to breath.
This morning, our happy home helper has had to go to home affairs. She left the house at 6am with Kennith. Kennith dropped her off so she would literally arrive and be virtually in front of the queue. She has been in the queue before and has often waited an entire day to be turned away – oh joy.
I got the kids ready, breakfast, dressing, me dressing and generally getting everyone buckled up into the car – which was a bit of controlled chaos.
Isabelle also had to go to a baby school today as there was no one to look after her, and I could not see me getting another day off work – I am so far into the minus days of leave, it has become almost humourous.
I really felt quite grim dropping Isabelle at a little school for the day.
I am okay with sending kids to playschools and the like, but for some reason, I am not so keen on babies in crèches. I like to try to keep them at home until they are between 18 – 24 months. I know that most people send their kids to school even at 3 months old, because they have no other option and need to head back to work.
I am really lucky to have Pepe who is there to look after Isabelle so I can keep her at home until I feel I am ready to send her to a little play school.
But the school was good enough to take her today which was a relief for me. I know she is safe – she may not be surrounded by all her things and have totally undivided attention, but she will be fine.
Okay, so I am feeling like I can take a breath today without bursting into tears, and feel like I have a handle on me again – if only tentatively.
I can’t explain what the hang happened there in the last few days. But some times depression is like that – it just ambushes you from behind the mulberry tree and drags you kicking and screaming down the path.
Anyway, onward and upwards …
<…..apologise to earlier readers who had to read this twice … in my distraction, I cut and pasted twice and never got a chance to check my stuff … I really must cut down on the drugs at work…..>