All posts by reluctantmom

The reason Reluctant Mom Blog has no commercial longevity …

Partly because I am super kak with administration around my blog.

I love blogging, but I blog when I feel like it — sometimes it is twice a day, some times it will take me two weeks to write a post. I do it when I feel like it.

I did a Disney Hamper Giveaway recently.

Today I realised that I sort of dropped the ball on the key thing — the giveaway part. It all ran well until the part where I had to pick someone. And remember to tell them. Right then, that needs to be actioned. Immediately.

I know it is really cute to print names out and have your children pick them out of a hat or Tupperware b0wl – also great for Instagram pictures, and makes it look all organised and cute and stuff.

Winner idea, but sadly I just am not arsed that organised.

I went with the other way.

Put your right hand on your scroll button, put your pointing finger of your left hand on the screen, close your eyes, and then scroll, stop and open your eyes and see who you chose. Totally random.

If you scroll like a lunatic, then you may need to repeat the exercise three times to actually land on someone, as opposed to dead area on your screen – scroll down long enough and it just turns into nothingness.

It is not scientific. But there we go (the photo is clearly taken after the fact – and for dramatic demonstration purposes – and a reminder that I need to think about getting botox on my fingers …. do they do that?)

Tracy Blues, please message me on Facebook with your details, and I will ask the people over at Disney PR to get cracking and get your pirate stuff off to you PRONTO.

Next, I need to pick two recipients for the “So Close” by Tertia Albertyn book — sorry, that was meant to be sorted ages ago, but then it wasn’t.

So, that will be sorted this week.

3 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 23, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Free Swag & Stuff

Tagged blog giveaways, Reluctant Mom

Posted by reluctantmom on May 23, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/the-reason-reluctant-mom-blog-has-no-commercial-longetivity/

The one where I stole shampoo … and then gave you some ….

{this is partly a sponsored post ….. just product sponsored not curb my words sponsored}

Georgia’s friend Cara stayed over at our home a few weekends back.

Karen, Cara’s mom, always sends Cara with enough food, support supplies and pretty much anything you can think of. I think the idea is that if we decide to keep Cara, her mom has sent enough stuff with for us to look after her for at least 10 – 12 years before we would need to leave the house and buy her anything. Nice mom that Karen is!!

Cara arrived with a bottle of Organics Shampoo. I noticed the bottle in the bathroom, because I could smell it.

Good smells in our bathroom are the exception.

Between what ever gets dropped into the toilet and my dog who believes pee’ing against the side of the toilet will endear himself to me, the fragrance of nice smelling shampoo was pretty heady stuff.

Cara left the shampoo behind by accident, and when it came to hair wash night (for the kids) I wondered if she would mind if I used a bit for the girls’ hair. Oh my goody-ness what divine shampoo it turned out to be.

I really cannot recall if I returned the now used bottle the next time Cara stayed over, or continued to use it all and not say anything. There is a fairly good chance I might have quietly kept it and used it and never said anything to Karen …. sorry about that.

I really love the Organics range, it smells good. I used to use the Organics shampoo range for my kids – the stuff in the large green bottles, and was always happy with that range, but these bottles and products are nice for the girls, Connor is a bit too old for this.

I love the packaging – its fun – and I like it when monkey’s eyes do not go in the same direction.

I recently bought the Organics Kids Funtagly Detangling Spray to use on the girls hair, as brushing, screaming and crying has been synonymous with our mornings and on nights when we wash hair.

My girls have really long hair — Georgia’s is way past her bum, and Isabelle’s is almost at the end of her back — so we are a hair-in-multitude family.

I can’t say in all honesty if it works. The girls like it. There seems to be less screaming and crying when I spray it on their hair whilst combing, but it may be a placebo effect as it smells so damn good.

To take the above photograph I had to go and hunt for where Georgia put the spray, as she swiped it off my desk long ago and has been using it in the mornings, so this week has definitely been less tearful.

I don’t feel it is overpriced – there are some great kids products, but then I stand there wondering if I should buy the product or pay a bond installment that month. These products are in the R39.99 range, from what I remember and I would think a bottle will survive a month with my three.

I like the Coconutty smell the most, but have bought the Strawbelicious for the girls.

The detangling spray is fruity – I just sprayed it on my hair. I have no idea what it is supposed to smell like, it just smells good — I can still smell it on my hair, when I push my hair against my nose.

So there is my punt for a product range that I really like.

The friendly nice people at Organics’ PR company sent me a hamper with: Coconutty 2 in 1 Shampoo and Conditioner, Strawbelicious 2 in 1 Shampoo and Conditioner, Mangomania Shampoo and Conditions, and Funtagly Detangling Spray for me to try out.

Thanks very much, already using them, always nice to have some more.

Would you like the same hamper I have received?

Leave a comment on this blog post, before close of day on Tuesday, 28 May 2013. I will pick a winner comment, and then you will receive a hamper.

Really simple easy. No pain. No clandescent liking and reposting needed – just leave a comment. Here. Now. That is all.

What do you need to leave as a comment? Your worst knock-knock joke of course. For no other reason than we all have a really corny knock knock joke on hand when our kids ask us to tell them a joke. Here’s mine:

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, cows go moo!

19 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 22, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Free Swag & Stuff

Tagged Organics

Posted by reluctantmom on May 22, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/the-one-where-i-stole-shampoo-and-then-gave-you-some/

Insomnia and I are long time friends ….

Insomnia was one of the “things” I picked up during the Great Depression of 2011.

I have always been a bit of an iffy sleeper. I go to sleep easily, but I wake up 4 hours later with my brain in a whirl whilst I work through every possible permutation of everything I said, did and nearly did in the day.

Each outcome will have a new set of possibles and then I have to work through them.

Anxiety and stress is really an exhausting friend to keep. Demanding, needy, and never looks out for your best interest. She is not a friend you want to get to close to, and you really do not want her stupid status updates at 23h00, 24h00, 01h00 and 02h00.

Unfortunately it is one of those thing where the more anxious and stressed you get, the less you sleep. The more tired you are, the more anxious and stressed you get, so you are exhausted and your nerves get more frayed and you desperately need to sleep.

But you are too stressed and anxious to sleep, so your brain does not get quiet and there you are staring at the ceiling wondering if you could turn the television on, and put the sound low enough so your partner does not wake.

I have a script from my guy-in-a-white-coat that gives me a small white pill of “instant sleep.”

I am fairly sure that Sleeping Beauty took an Ivedal which may explain why she fell instantly asleep. Possibly it was in the drinking water hence the entire castle following suit.

The downside is I get a bit of amnesia before I fall asleep, so sometimes do and say things I have zero recollection of the following day.

The upside is I sleep like the dead, and wake up each morning feeling refreshed and alert, and never lie awake trying to stop myself thinking about the blinking light on my desk, even when my eyes are closed. Sometimes I crack one eye open to see if I can catch the blinking light out. Being tired also makes me delusional. More than usual.

I forgot to renew my script yesterday.

Last night I had no white pill.

Instead I got finishing a book in the hope it would make me go to sleep.

Putting the light off and closing my eyes and thinking “go to sleep thoughts.”

I counted sheep backwards, I usually start at 1001 and work my way to 1. I never get to 1, I get bored around 950.

I think soothing thoughts, calming thoughts, I take deep breaths and try to relax.

At 1am I realised this was really not working. I put on my daggiest bathrobe, traipsed downstairs and did some work. I climbed back in to bed at about 5am, watched a bit of tv and tried to fall asleep.

The sleep fairy snuck by at about 06h50 and blew “instant sleep” in my face.

Connor had to scream “MOM, you need to get up we are going to be late!!!” After the third time, I got out of bed, bleary eyed and punch drunk.

I could easily be an extra on The Walking Dead right now!

It is 10h35 and I am going to make a cup of tea, find a warm blanket and see if I can quietly sink off into blissful sleep. I have no idea how new moms go through sleep deprivation and do not end up going insane

I have a fabulous Organics hamper to give away, but really need to be able to focus to put that together. Promise I will do it for tomorrow, as well as announce the winner to the Disney pack ….. brain she is just too exhausted right now to do much beyond breath-aim-to-the-kitchen for tea.

4 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 21, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Depression

Tagged Anxiety, Depression and Anxiety, General Anxiety Disorder, insomnia, Organics, Stress

Posted by reluctantmom on May 21, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/insomnia-and-i-are-long-time-friends/

The Walking Dead …. not moms who have not had enough caffeine, but actual zombies …. of the flesh eating type

I missed episodes 1 – 4 (season one), but we had 5, 6 and 8 recorded and decided to watch them.

I realise that season three is going the rounds, so clearly I am a bit behind times.

I was somewhat disinterested, and really feel the zombie thing is just so overdone.

Really once you introduce zombies into a show, there is not much in the way of conversation from them, and thus very little dialogue other than “urgghhhh” and watching them walk around a bit like a lost extra from a “Thriller” video.

Then I watched an episode.

I think the word “episode” is a very apt term. I felt like I was having a psychological break.

You know a show has sucked you in when you sit with your blanket pulled up over your mouth and your nose, so your eyes peep over the top.

Every one knows if you watch a movie like that, then the distance to pull the blanket over your eyes is so much shorter than if you had the blanket on your lap, and your hands neatly arranged on top of them.

I screamed. I hid behind the blanket. I covered one eye. I covered both eyes.

I screamed at the television — usually things like “run, fu**cking run…. what are you waiting for?” or when they were standing at the metal roller doors of the CDC “get in, get in, why the f**k are you standing staring …. RUN RUN RUN. GET THE HELL IN!!!”

Series sucked me right in. Hook, line and furry blanket.

Series is some scary shit.

This is not a sit-and-eat popcorn casually as you watch a series rather non-nonchalantly.

Not unless you want to be picking popcorn out of your hair and off the cat – because that shit is going to be thrown around. Not thrown, as much as lobbed across the room with super human force.

Not suitable for kids to view. To be honest I do not think it is suitable for adult viewing either.

I suggest avoiding this if you are an adult with a heart conditions. Or if you are an adult with low muscle tone in your sphincter – because odds are you will have a heart attack and shit yourself before you have got 1/4 of the way through.

Other than that, go ahead and watch The Walking Dead.

3 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 21, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead on television, The Walking Dead Series

Posted by reluctantmom on May 21, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/the-walking-dead-not-moms-who-have-not-had-enough-caffeine-but-actual-zombies/

Are you ready to have kids? Maybe not, so much.

Originally posted on UK parenting website Mamami, the 14-part test will have you holding your sides with laughter, and nodding in agreement – I amended a few and added a few points.

Read, nod, laugh then forward on to a friend who thought she would have a baby, because it looks so easy. And fun.

Test 1: Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy

Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
Leave it there.
After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children

Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2: Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3: Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
Set the alarm for 3am.
As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
Go to bed at 2.45am.
Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4: Dressing Small Children

Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.
When you think you might be getting this right, buy a cat with long hair.
Attempt to bath the cat, dry the cat, dress the cat, and do the cat’s hair with two ponytails.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5: Cars

Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Remove all your good CD’s and keep only a Barney one, which you will need to play every time you get into the car. Eventually you will be sticking a coin in the CD player.
Throw shoes/socks/underwear and McDonalds takeaway boxes around the car, and smear KFC chicken along the windows – eye height would be a good reference point.

Test 6: Going for a walk

Wait.
Go out the front door.
Come back in again.
Go out.
Come back in again.
Go out again.
Walk down the front path.
Walk back up it.
Walk down it again.
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7: Conversations with children

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8: Grocery Shopping

Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old

Hollow out a melon
Make a small hole in the side
Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 10:TV

Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11: Mess

Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.

Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers

Make a recording of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13: Conversations

Start talking to an adult of your choice.
Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14: Getting ready for work

Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
Put on your finest work attire.
Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
Stir
Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
Do not change (you have no time).
Go directly to work

Want to check out the original article, look here!

2 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 20, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged Are you ready to have kids?, Not sure about having kids, Reluctant Mom Blog

Posted by reluctantmom on May 20, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/are-you-ready-to-have-kids-maybe-not-so-much/

Crushing on Dexter …..

We all know I am obsessed with Dexter. Our dog.

He is named for the character Dexter Morgan, in the series “Dexter!”

I am seriously one Xanax away from starting a Dexter Blog.

I am nervous about starting one, because I think when you start writing a blog from a dog’s perspective, and whose highest point of his day is to lick his balls, and biting Annabelle’s nose.

There is a good chance that the blog is going to be a bit more labour, and a lot less love.

I purchased Dexter through Caroline van Deventer, who is a breeder and lives up country.

I had done a fair amount of research on the breed at the point of approaching a breeder, and had seen them at shows, and spoken to a few Boston Terrier people. I prefer to get my dogs via breeders, as I usually have aspirations of dog showing.

I am not knocking anyone or making judgement or suggesting you change the way you acquire a dog for your home. If you feel strongly about people getting their dogs through shelters and so on, really that is fine. My choice is just a bit different.

And here is the key. It is my choice!

I chatted telephonically and via email to Caroline, and at the end of the day I had to trust her decision.

I had just gone through a 2 – 3 month process with another breeder, that in the end resulted in me cancelling the puppy, and walking away from the arrangement, so I did start this process thinking “well, this may not go well.”

Caroline was professional thorough and like a good breeder was a good resource for advise and suggestions on Boston Terriers. Dexter was sent to us in a crate and we collected him at the airport in January 2012.

Dexter had managed to shit the crate full — like spray painted the walls in faeces. I did think this was rather fitting considering his name, and considering Dexter Morgan also started off in a cargo crate sprayed with bl0od.

I posted a picture recently and showing progress on my “dog training” with Dexter through Cape Province Dog Training.

What you can’t see is the other dogs and distractions happening off to the side.

Dexter was following a “stay-sit-stay” command, and I was showing off a bit by dropping his lead.

I am meant to step away from him, and he is meant to remain in the sitting position for a full minute, until I return to his right hand side and release him from it.

Four weeks ago, I would not have believed there was a hope in hell of this ever happening. So I can’t quite hide my excitement when “dog training” actually appeared to be working, and for a short moment in time, I realise I was in deed the pack leader.

Dexter is a fine looking lad, and even by Boston Terrier standards he is quite a hottie!

Caroline posted this picture of Dexter when he was a wee puppy —-

How freaking cute is that??

5 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 17, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Dog for our home ....

Tagged Boston Terrier, Boston Terrier Breeders, Boston Terrier Cape Town, Cape Province Dog Training

Posted by reluctantmom on May 17, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/17/crushing-on-dexter/

The joy of cousins. The wonder of Skype.

My brother and sister in law live in Glasgow, Scotland.

They have two gorgeous boys Finn and Noah.

We have been meaning to try and get them to write to each other, or something, just to reinforce the knowledge that they were cousins, and …. well, for no other reason.

Last night we set up a Skype chat. Me and my three kids on one chair all trying to peer into the laptop camera.

Jackie, and her two boys – who were jumping on her bed at the same time as chatting to us.

It was such a wonderful experience. You sort of forgot that a few thousand kilometers separated us. My kids were in varying stages of excitement and interest. While Finn was talking, we were watching Noah in the background unpacking his mom’s pyjamas, and then suddenly revealed Jackie’s underwear.

The kids chatted as if they were sitting across the table from one another.

Both sets of kids struggled a bit to always understand the accent of the other. Connor wanted to know why they spoke funny – I tried to explain to him that to them, we speak funny.

We all agreed Georgia spoke the funniest. Georgia speaks with a “I was born in Hollywood” twang, but was originally from Hamstead. No idea where that comes from.

The highlight for me was when Finn asked if Connor knew “gangam style” – to which Connor sheepishly admitted he did. Jackie then found the song on her ipad, played it and then all the kids danced to gangam style.

Connor sat this one out.

All an over feel good experience. And remembering again that Gangam Style is the international dance of friendship. And cousins.

Sometimes it is really nice to have kids.

Thanks Skype, you worked that like a boss!

5 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 16, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Tagged http://www.facebook.com/ReluctantMom, Reluctant Mom, Reluctant Mom Blog, Skype

Posted by reluctantmom on May 16, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/the-joy-of-cousins-the-wonder-of-skype/

More ladies with babies ….

{warning — you may see visuals of a baby being born — this may include women in distress, a flash of pubic hair, some blood and a very good chance of an umbilical cord — if you prefer not to see it, then please do not read this blog post. It is what it is, if you prefer not to look, then please don’t}

…………….

so this gives you a gap and to see you would have to scroll, and thus will not be surprised by an image on your screen unless you choose to scroll down to view

…………….

still a gap not to view

…………….

I used to watch a “having a baby” show on one of the lifestyle channels. There was not much difference in each episode. Follow lady/woman/family who is pregnant. Lady tells her story. Lady has her baby.

No matter who lady was. No matter where lady was, or how lady had her baby – each and every time said baby entered the world, I would sit there blubbering like a lunatic.

At some point I had to have a serious talk with myself that really the show is pretty predictable, and I can not cry every time I see a baby born.

I cannot afford that much mascara. And sometimes I forget I have mascara and end up fetching the kids looking like a panda. But not the healthy kind.

I stumbled across this website and the images made me sigh, smile, and then sigh some more.

The website has the images of the year for babies being born/newborn, there is shortlisting, and voting.

I am not sure who won, but these are a few of my favourite outstanding moments captured by gifted photographers.

————–

{images have been removed – please visit http://birthphotographers.com/2012-international-association-of-professional-birth-photographers-image-of-the-year-competition/ to view them there.

7 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 16, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Stuff I See

Tagged 2012 IAPBP Image of the Year Competition, baby being born, newborn baby

Posted by reluctantmom on May 16, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/more-ladies-with-babies/

Sofia the First and sharing ….

My mothering arsenal is made up (not exclusively) of items I can bribe my kids with.

You do this, you get to watch tv or …… {insert appropriate reward}

I am sure someone did a study, and if you only mothered in a happy cheerful way, continually calling your child “kidlet” and your husband “hubbie”, then you will produce a happy centered child.

I am sure that is true.

I however am aiming for sanity, and hopefully a stable enough child who can hold his/her own as they step out into the playground/bigger world, without mommy by their side.

The Sofia the First crown and sash was going to be one of these things that either ended badly, with me tossing it out the window whilst driving 120 km on the N1 saying “There, now no one has it, and if I hear another peep out of you, the doggie is going out the window as well …. I dare you to say another word..” or the girls would understand the concept of “it is your day today” and share.

Fortunately extreme-lunatic mothering was not needed.

I explained how lucky we were to get such a lovely sash and crown, and that you could wear it and be “Princess for a Day.” Then the next day it was your sister’s turn, and then yours and so on, and so on.

I either sold it really well, or my girls were wide-eyed and delirious with the possibility of a sash and a crown, were willing to agree to just about anything.

Today Georgia has it, and she could take it to school – Isabelle will get it tomorrow.

Isabelle did hide it away last night in the hope that Georgia did not find it. Isabelle eventually decided to be the bigger three year old, and hand it over to Georgia — it was quite a solemn little ceremony actually.

So far so good.

{I still have not sat down with Connor about the record-breaking-hiding-the-evidence issue, and I need to address that and the subsequent punishment and more importantly the issue of ”hiding evidence”. Kennith was away, so hopefully tonight we can have a “family meeting” and chat through that}

2 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 15, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Tagged Princess for a Day, Reluctant Mom, Sofia the First

Posted by reluctantmom on May 15, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/sofia-the-first-and-sharing/

Things you never thought you would be saying to your kids …E.V.E.R.

I am trying to set up a Skype chat along with my sister in law, I could not reach her so I called my mom.

Isabelle has been all over the idea of “annie and ampa” for ages, so I figured a Skype call with a video would work as a decent substitute until I can make a plan to get out there.

Jostling for space on the couch – me screams: “Connor, get your snake off your sister’s head!!”

Hope you had a good mother’s day!

Check out Reluctant Mom on Faceb00k!

1 Comment

by reluctantmom on May 15, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Tagged http://www.facebook.com/ReluctantMom, Reluctant Mom

Posted by reluctantmom on May 15, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/things-you-never-thought-you-would-be-saying-to-your-kids-e-v-e-r/

Princesses, manners and sharing ….

{sponsored post, but very cute girl show}

Both my girls love princess things. Definitely more Georgia than Isabelle.

Isabelle wore a penguin hat all day on Sunday but told everyone she was a chicken — she might be into farm animals more, but she is failing on the ability to recognise farm animals, which we need to look in to.

Isabelle only likes princess stuff if Georgia is holding a princess thing, and Isabelle wants it now. From her.

Isabelle will invoke the “share share share” request usually associated with wild arm waving, a grabbing motion and snot collecting on her upper lip.

I have given up trying to dissuade the girls that princesses lack career paths, any ambition and appear to have no aspirations other than marrying well.

Trying to deny your girl child the right to become the princess she dreams about, is about as futile as trying to deny your boy child the right to play with guns.

I do not buy guns for my boy child, ever. But sooner or later he is going to make a “gun” out of macaroni and stand around going “peeuw-peeuw” whilst you roll your eyes and wonder where it all went so wrong.

Girls are going to want to be princesses. Boys are going to want to make guns and jump off the roof into the pool.

Accept it. Ensure your medical aid is up to date (for the boys) and take your credit card out for a little run (for your girl.)

The folks over at Walt Disney’s PR company contacted me and asked me if I would kindly tune my DSTV to channel 309 (Junior Disney) - Sofia the First on Saturday 11 May at 09:00.

Okay, so I have missed that date, but definitely booked the TV lounge for Saturday the 18th May 2013.

So the folks over at the PR place say: While Disney princess fairytales have been enchanting audiences for more than 70 years, this is the first time a series has centered on a princess as a little girl.

The stories are designed to communicate positive messages and life lessons that are applicable to preschool-aged children. The series is a production of Disney Television Animation.

Sofia the First stories are set in the storybook world of young Sofia who starts out life as a regular girl. But when her mum marries the king, she is whisked off to a glamorous, but sometimes confusing, castle world of royalty, pomp and new step-siblings, Amber and James.

Sofia the First will include appearances by Fauna, Flora and Merryweather (fairies seen in Disney’s classic Sleeping Beauty) as the headmistresses of Royal Prep, the academy that Sofia, along with other princes and princesses, attends.

Special event appearances will be made by classic characters including Cinderella and other Disney Princesses.

Nancy Kanter, Senior Vice President, Original Programming and General Manager, Disney Junior Worldwide, said, “In Sofia, we have a ‘peer to peer princess,’ a relatable girl experiencing the same social issues as our young viewers – learning how to fit in, making new friends, conquering new skills and building sibling relationships.”

She continued, “Although Sofia will have plenty of pretty dresses and sparkly shoes, our stories will show Sofia, and our viewers, that what makes a real princess is what’s inside, not what’s outside. That the inner character of kindness, generosity, loyalty, honesty and grace make you special, not the dress you wear.”

I received a box today, with a cute sash – I was going to wear that with the crown, but they sash was not exactly fitting around my torso.

I see Sofia the First has a little roll out number of good manners.

I am really curious how that is going to unfold this evening as I present 1 crown and 1 matching sash to 2 girls!! I think Georgia will run faster, I think that Isabelle will punch harder.

Catch Sofia the First on a small screen near you — I suggest parking the kids in front of the show, and you lying on the couch with a cup of tea and a book.

I have one Junior Disney pack to give away. Unfortunately it is not Sofia the First, but maybe because the girls are getting a cool new princess show, we can send something to the boys, or to a girl who digs pirates.

I will pick one at random end of day Friday, 17 May 2013 — again just leave a comment and tell me whose voice will be used in the new show Sofia the First, as Sofia. The First.

Here is a hint: Ariel Winter from Modern Families.

Actually it is not a hint it is the answer.

I will pick one at random, and send you a Disney Lunchbox, and Jake and the Neverland Pirates: Stickers, Height Chart, Necklace and Head band. Easy peasy.

No need to like anything, or promise me your first born. Just leave a comment. With the answer I have just given you.

23 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 14, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Free Swag & Stuff

Tagged Ariel Winter, DSTV channel 309, Junior Disney, Sofia the First, Walt Disney, Walt Disney's PR company

Posted by reluctantmom on May 14, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/princesses-manners-and-sharing/

You say psycho like it is a bad thing …..

{warning — mommy venting …. it is not pretty, it is a little bit need two Zolofts}

I am a get quiet when I am really cross person.

If I am ranting like a lunatic then you know this will blow over relatively quickly. If I purse my lips, go quiet and stare at you, then it is pretty much time to flee — or at the very least, just back off and give me some space because the little voices in my head are all screaming. And not in unison.

This evening I was sitting with the kids doing homework. At some point I started telling them about how records work.

In no way related to the subject at hand.

I was all telling them stuff and reliving the year we discovered electricity and all. I dip my hand into the record sleeve and start explaining how the record needle works, and and and ….. all quite jazzy, and much more “show and tell” than I would normally would be. But there I am giving this sane mommy thing a run for it’s money.

I look into the record jacket and see that one of the records is broken.

Connor starts explaining … quickly …. how he was showing Georgia and it fell and it broke and he is so sorry.

I know Connor. One does not pass a record from Connor to Georgia.

My guess is they were monkeying – he was probably the instigator and Georgia’s ball skills are atrocious. My guess is her record catching skills are left wanting at about the time Connor lobbed it across the room. Frisby anyone?

It is an old record. Gigi actually. Very little sentimental value. I had found it in a second hand store and it had the original jacket, and I wanted to frame it.

I am so angry. Not because they had broken the record (okay also because of that) but because they thought they could hide it from me, and only confessed when they realised I had started a rather unfortunately timed “show and tell!”

I was so angry. White lips, quivering angry.

I really hate deceit. I really do. I knew he thought he had got away with it, and then he is like “what the hell, show and tell now!! Now!!!”

I sent Connor and Georgia to bed – it was 18h23.

I stripped her of her “Princess for a Day” title. I could see Connor was the more sorry. But he always is. In this case I know he was the instigator and he was the one who hid it. How? My spidey sense that all moms have.

I went d0wn the passage now to check they were in bed, and no one had bailed over the wall to make a run for it. Connor has written this very long, very heart felt letter about how sorry he is. It includes a graphic of him crying. The boy has mad illustration skills.

I am at that juncture where Connor has been doing a lot of things lately that are just clumsy. Stupid. Careless. A wanton disregard of the rules (bet you never thought you would hear that phrase outside a Jane Austin novel).

He knows he is monkeying around and seeing how far he can push it.

Getting out the car today, he was trying to keep Georgia getting in to the boot of the car to get her school bag. When she got upset, and he realised I was standing there, then he feigned a huge effort to placate her and help her with her bag.

Again being a monkey, and just arsing around, and in so doing crushed half a loaf of fresh bread —- I have little regard for the bread. I have little regard for the record.

I am annoyed that he is starting to push the boundaries. He is really just seeing how far he can go each day.

And because he is so quick to apologise and say he is sorry …. then you go “okay my boy, it is okay” and 10 minutes later he is up to the same shit.

I know I should be more “ah, kids will be kids” but seriously! He broke my record, and then hid it from me.

Fitting punishment- I am going to find another one, and make him pay for it.

As he does not earn a salary like other small kids in a third world country, he is going to be on dog shit duty for the next three weeks! No dog shit picking up, no television on the weekends.

I realise I will have my mother’s day gifts retracted quite soon, and my “best mom” sign quietly stolen in the night. Shit happens, and then you send your son to pick it up.

8 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 13, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Posted by reluctantmom on May 13, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/you-say-psycho-like-it-is-a-bad-thing/

Said no man. Ever.

4 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 13, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Said no Man. Ever.

Tagged Reluctant Mom, Said no man. Ever.

Posted by reluctantmom on May 13, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/said-no-man-ever/

50 Shades of Grey ….. meet me out in the shed

The only positive thing I can say about 50 Shades is that it did for adult reading what Harry Potter did for everyone else.

No one read. No one posted comments about books they had read. Ever.

50 Shades was released. Every hausfrau known to man, every woman with a pulse was taking photographs of herself reading 50 Shades, or posting updates on Facebook about her reading 50 shades of grey.

I can stumble through shit books as much as the next person.

I made it through about 623 pages of Shantaram before I decided that if he was going to climb a mountain with some unknown dudes. I decided I was starting to side with the mountain lion. It is not a spoiler alert. There was no mountain lion. I seriously would re-read a rewrite that included a mountain lion who ate Lindsay Ford - there is a good chance I would give it another go. Shantaram is the biggest waste of my time, if you exclude the time that I have spent trying to synch my new ipad (still not synched — damn you apple gods, damn you)

50 Shades of Grey is probably only good if you need about 3 – 8 minutes of light fiction so you can mas.turb.ate (yes I said it) but other than that, the book is trite shit, and just bad-ly bad-ly written.

But a few key quotes from that tomb of bad reading:-

Her curiosity oozes through the phone. {sounds very similar to a call center operator asking me if I am having a nice day — the key is that it is going to get less nice because you just called}

Feel it baby. {I do think in sex it helps to remind your partner that they should actually feel something …. other than say rigor mortis}

He’s my very own Christian Grey popsicle. {I am guessing sorbet was no longer on the menu!}

Mentally girding my loins, I head into the hotel. {I have been in several hotels, I do not think I have ever girded my loins — but maybe I have been in the wrong hotels.}

Suppose he returns with a cane, or some weird kinky implement? {A cane OR a weird kink implement?? I really am not sure what I would think if ***** arrived with a cane …. limp much? Seriously, what are you meant to say?}

Anastasia when cuffed to the bed posts: ‘Holy cow, I cannot move my arms. {Anastasia – who has for the record just spoilt my favourite name — yes, that is pretty much what happens when you are handcuffed to anything – if you can move, then pick up the box and re-read the instruction because your handcuffs are no longer working.}

50 Shades 0f Grey is really a kak read.

I am suggesting that there are thousands of women (and several very happy partners/husbands) who really enjoyed the book and no doubt Book Club pass it along must have soared. I am not judging you for reading (or benefiting) from the book. The book is crap, you are not necessarily crap.

The only reason I am mentioned 50 Shades of Grey, is because I have become a fan of 50 Sheds of Grey.

Now that I like!

Terrific!

11 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 13, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Books I have read

Tagged 50 Shades of Grey, 50 Sheds of Grey, Christian Grey, Fifty Shades of Grey, Reluctant Mom Blog, Shantaram

Posted by reluctantmom on May 13, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/50-shades-of-grey-meet-me-out-in-the-shed/

Georgia says ….

I am working and Georgia is off sick today.

I gave her a box to play with – not like climb in it, but to decorate it and keep her occupied (read to stop her talking to me).

She has been at this box with a variety of crayons for at least two hours.

She goes: “Shew, I am filled with busy ness!”

Aint that the truth. I was also filled with busy ness today, except the part where I whiled away two hours on pinterest, which really was not productive at all.

And the other time when I made 4 Nutella sandwiches and stuffed them into my face. But other than that, I know exactly how she feels.

1 Comment

by reluctantmom on May 11, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Posted by reluctantmom on May 11, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/11/georgia-says/

Don’t look ….. if you believe the stork brings the baby ….seriously

{spoiler alert}

…….

{second warning of spoiler alert}

…….

{third warning of an image that might make you aware of where babies come from}

…….

{final warning – if you are a bit sensitive, if you in any way think that women do not have pubic hair on their fannies, and if you have any doubts and wish to keep the mystery alive of unicorns and rainbows, then please flick away from this blog post ….}

…….

Really, don’t look ……………. if you do not want to see hair, a vagi.na triangle and might know that babies do not arrive in a clean, sterile environment, and there is a chance of clouds and meatballs.

One ……………..

…….

Two …………….

…….

Three …………..

…….

Are you okay, and you still want to read, and promise not to shit in your pants?

I posted a picture of lady-with-baby recently on the Reluctant Mom Facebook page, and to be honest I posted it because it made me look twice.

I did not recoil in horror. I just thought “well holy haloumi that is an unusual picture which includes an umbilical cord!”

Don’t think I have seen one of those. Ever.

I got a few really odd responses and eventually the gods at Facebook decided to take the image down as it contravened their sense of family values (actual wording). Then I read a blog post over at Cath Janes and it helped to cement some thoughts that were rolling around in my head.

People were offended that they could see a woman with a v-triangle of pubic hair.

You could not see her breasts, you could not see inside her vagina.

You could see a cord which one would presume is the umbilical cord from her vagina to her baby.

I received a few comments which were not ideal, and I received a few personal messages which were less than “complementary” to me and lady-with-baby.

People appeared to think she was hideous, fat and hairy — oh and that umbilical cord was really unsavoury — they seem genuinely surprised that women did not squeeze a baby out, and did not immediately have shaved v-jay-jay, a flat stomach and perfect hair and makeup.

I know, the horror!!! She also appears to have left a wet spot on the bed. Yes, I know what a messy messy girl this is —

I relooked at this picture, and I am not sure of exactly how, assuming you are older than six, you can be surprised/offended by this image.

Again, if this sort of thing offends you, then why are you reading my blog —- it is clear we are walking different paths, and might need to uncement (not a word, but I liked the way it sounded) our relationship. Immediately.

If you are offended, don’t look.

If lady-withbaby offends you then sweet jasmine, this Titian image must do your head in. I have no idea why you would listen to an organist without any clothes on, and with your dog in the room. Clearly 1548 was a strange time to be alive!

I have commented before that as women we are deeply offended by any visual of a va.gin.a. We (women, not so much men) are led to believe that our bodies are dirty, and ugly and we should be shameful.

The comment that lady-with-baby – who has just pushed a giant baby out of her vaginal passage is fat, and ugly is such a ridiculous and stupid comment to make.

The comment that this woman must shave as her bush is unattractive, makes me again wonder at our fascination with full grown women having to shave/wax their pubic area to appear like pre pubescent girls.

I am not going to apologise for posting this image. I will apologise that I did not give it the respect it deserves on first posting it.

Lady-with-baby you rock!!

With baby, with umbilical cord —- I think you look fantastically good, I think the fact you took a photo with a pulsating umbilical cord was brilliant!!

I wake up most mornings looking far worse than you did after delivering a baby.

10 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 9, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Family Stuff & Things

Tagged http://www.facebook.com/ReluctantMom, Lady-with-baby, Reluctant Mom, Reluctant Mom Facebook page

Posted by reluctantmom on May 9, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/dont-look-if-you-believe-the-stork-brings-the-baby-seriously/

Happy Birthday …. er to me!

I am hoping that when you read this I am skipping around Franschoek, and trying to forget that I am forty-fucking-one.

It is all a bit frightening. I am closer to being 60 than I am to being 20.

I have no pearls of wisdom to share. Happy birthday me! I will stab the next child who calls me “tannie” ……

10 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 9, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Birthday Parties

Tagged happy birthday, Mommy Bloggers, mommy bloggers south africa, Moms who Blog

Posted by reluctantmom on May 9, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/happy-birthday-er-to-me/

Winning ….. with bread and stuff

Thank you to everyone who nominated someone. Thanks for everyone who made me smile a bit, laugh a bit, and go “aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww” a bit.

Jenny, you win the hamper from the just-leave-a-comment-and-win-easy-peasy-sasko-hamper - which means that Debbie wins the hamper. Or. You could just disown Debbie, and I send the hamper to you. You can eat bread and have a shiny bread bin and we will no longer speak of this person Debbie Farrell.

It is up to you. Totally up to you.

Jenny

April 26, 2013

The sandwich sounds amazing! I want to nominate my friend and colleague Debbie Farrell – she is fostering her 3 month old nephew and raising her 11 year old son on her own. She saved her nephew from a mom who is now in rehab and just took him in without question and with no maternity leave or financial help. She is a true superhero in my eyes.

Jenny – I will send you an email to get the information from you. Enjoy!

4 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 8, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Free Swag & Stuff

Tagged Debbie Farrell

Posted by reluctantmom on May 8, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/winning-with-bread-and-stuff/

Just saying ….

I often/always amazed at what I have to say in my house.

What I have to scream across the room/passage/table at my children.

I know there is the old saying about the fact that sooner or later, you realise you are your mother, because there you are yelling and you think to yourself - I swore I would never say that when I had kids.

But there you go. Breaking all the rules. Realising how desperate your mother was. Forgiving her for having a total shit fit when you were a kid. Because now you are standing there having the same shit fit. The wheel he turns.

Last night I was trying to cram in a few more minutes works, and the kids were watching tv/throwing the box of pencils on the floor/fighting with each other about who was going to sit on which couch — the usual state of the nation in my home. It was escalating, and I am like a magnet.

Georgia showing me bizarre pieces of paper/art, and Isabelle unpacking my desk, and trying to get the glitter back on the glitter tube. I just needed to finish an email, so I could log off and call this day finished.

I was forced to say: “Isabelle, get my giraffe off your head!” Which was only surpassed by: Leave the toilet brush alone … no …. it is not a toy. Put. It. Back. Now!”

Really not something I thought I would ever need to say.

8 Comments

by reluctantmom on May 8, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Kids around the House

Posted by reluctantmom on May 8, 2013

http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/just-saying/

Good and Bad Gift Ideas for Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day. A treacherous time of year. Gift wise.

The stores are overflowing with trinkets, slippers and mugs with bears saying things like “The Best MOM Ever” and similar shit.

There are promises of Mother Day Lunches, which throw in a free glass of wine, and a red carnation. It is all a bit blegh and worrisome.

I am not exactly sure that the definition is of trinket verses “something I would actually like” but it is fair to say that if it has the word MOM printed anywhere on it, it is not going to be a good gift.

If there is a red heart anywhere, and the hint of a carnation, you can be certain it is just shite and should be avoided.

It is probably not something you want to give or receive.

I am fairly sure I will get a home made card from Isabelle’s school, and even a macaroni necklace. I quite liked last year’s one — I kept it for some time, but maybe a bracelet this year or macaroni ear rings would be a nice add on gift.

The possible only exception with gifts that include the word “MOM” would be Mommy Juice Wine

I know that the idea is when you get a shockingly bad gift is to say the mantra: “its the thought that counts” – to which I say I tend to be thinking “what the fuck were you thinking??”

At the end of the day what is it that moms want? Here are a couple of ideas of good gifts:

1. To go to the toilet uninterrupted. I could not think of a better way to spend a day, than Kennith coming up with a bag of all my favourite Woolies treats, making me a cup of tea, p0uring a bag of chuckles into a bowl, putting this on my side table and saying: “I am going to take the kids out for the day. You relax, sleep, go for a shit, flick channels on the remote, go wild – we will see you at 17h00. Enjoy the day by yourself in the house. Oh I have done all the washing up, the kids rooms are clean, the house is in ship shape order. I even got Connor to clean up the dog shit – have a great day by yourself reading your book and dozing!”

That there is the perfect gift.

2. To read a book in the bath uninterrupted. Mine usually ends up with a small person coming and either getting in to the bath, or better yet sit on the toilet take a giant crap, and then tell me “Us finished” so I have to get out the bath to wipe their bum. Toilet paper on wet hands, and looking at your child’s chocolate starfish whilst you are trying to soak yourself in the wonders of a Body Shop bath oil, is sort of lost in this exercise.

3. A day at a Spa. Not to be confused with a day at the Spar. Which is similiar, but is not one of those instances where you go “ah, well just semantics hey!” Not just being given a voucher, but it being planned for you. Again revert to point 1. Driving you to the spa, saying hey I got the kids, you enjoy your 6 hours of relaxation – I will catch you at 16h00. Enjoy.

4. A box of goodies from the Body Shop. I adore the stuff from the Body Shop. Those guys can seldom get it wrong. I loved the “gingerbread” range that came out over Xmas. Still using it, adore the Body Shop.

5. One hour time out. Three fresh croissants, fresh butter, some divine cheese, honey, a pot of tea, the newspaper and an hour to read and enjoy it all.

6. Lovely jammies. Not ones with hearts, not ones with “My MOM is the best” just lovely cotton or warm winter jammies – again aim for Woolworth. PEP not so much! That’s a good gift.

7. Exclusive Books Vouchers - and being dropped off for 90 minutes to shop and choose books, then to meet your husband (kids need to be somewhere else) for a divine lunch!! That is a great way to spend Mother’s Day.

8. Godiva Truffles – here buddy, you just cannot go wrong!

These are a couple of ideas of shit not to give:

1. Appliances – I know a 4 slice kitchen toaster looks like a really good idea. I bet she has even said something like “shit balls we need a new washing machine.” Mother’s Day is not the day or the time to present anything that can be plugged in to a wall socket. In the kitchen. (this obviously excludes vaccuum cleaners and irons, which I assumed would be a foregone conclusion, but let’s add those in the interests of sanity)

2. A gift that is actually for you – this might include lingerie, a fishing rod or golf clubs, a new tv remote, new wii that sort of thing.

3. Anything available at 21h00 on a Saturday night – if you had to stop at an Engen or BP Quick Shop to buy it, well then odds are it is not the best buy you can make.

4. Artificial flowers – A definite must if you plan on being wacked in the head with them, and your Facebook status being changed to “it’s complicated.”

5. Robot flowers – if you are purchasing flowers from the guys at the side of the road on mother’s day, then ask yourself why? If you don’t know the answer, then hit your head against the steering wheel, and repeat exercise until you black out and the man at the traffic lights steals all your money (for those who appear baffled, in South Africa we refer to traffic lights as robots — hence the heading). Do not buy flowers at traffic lights/robots – are you too lazy arse to stop at Woolworths at the very least?

6. Gym membership – For the love of gd this is a bad idea. Nothing good can come of this. She will hear “you are fat and you better go exercise” – you will hear the slamming of doors, and then you will have to go and buy a back up gift to say sorry, and still continue to service the gym membership for 24 months even though she is not going to be using it.

7. Lingerie – A mediocre to tacky gift on Valentine’s Day – but wow, just bad on Mother’s Day.

8. Deodorant masquerading as perfume!! Hells bells, my guess is you are in the aisle at Clicks. Stop yourself, put the tacky box down, leave the store. Go and get a drink, think it through again. If it still looks like a good idea, order a large fucking drink.

9. Heart bears, heart anything that has stuffing. Unless it is a stuffed chicken and you are serving it for lunch, then you can put an heart on it anytime!

10. Slippers. How many slippers does any women need? One pair that is how many. One pair. If you or anyone you have known have bought a pair in the last dozen years, then cross this piece of shit off your ‘stuff to get mom’ list.

11. A membership to Weight Watchers or a mountain bike (see point 6). Both kinda say that you are starting to get a bit chunky, and we need someone to bring in the big guns.

12. An electric egg boiler. No, just say fucking no!

13. Soap that has bigger wrapping than the soap. This is a visual trick to make you think you are buying a fabulous gift, but really it is a bar of soap and enough plastic and shit to fill your plastic recycling bucket.

14. A puppy. A kitten. A rabbit. A hamster. Fantastic another mouth to feed, and more shit to pick up. Do not buy pets as gifts —you can buy pets as meals. Chicken great for Sunday lunch, rabbit makes a good stew, and so on.

15. Re-gifting. Regifting is super funny, but not for mother’s day, because odds are you are going to fuck it up and give me the shit I gave you at Christmas. This behaviour is just too risky, unless you have a fantastic spreadsheet-of-keeping-a-record-of-who-gives-you-stuff system.