I am so angry this morning, like spitting angry.
It started this morning when I heard Isabelle starting to bleat. I just thought, if she could be quiet just a little longer, I can get just a little more sleep – I am exhausted and it feels as if someone has been hitting me with a large stick,and I am just not ready to face this week yet. It is not even 6am dammit.
Isabelle fortunately did quiet down. I figured, tick, close eyes, doze a bit and put off the inevitable.
Kennith is a morning guy and likes to prod me in the back with his appendage in the morning – this does nothing for my sense of humour. It just makes me act better. I take faking sleep to an entirely new level. I have the deep breathing and total body paralyses look down to a fine art for occasion just like these.
I was lying there faking sleep, and Connor burst into the room sobbing and all I got was “money” and “lost” and snot and crying. I was not sure if I should “wake” from my fake sleep or carry on faking.
Kennith sprung out of bed – put some pants on – which I am sure my mom and my aunt (who are our present houseguests) will be ever thankful for. Kennith dove down the passage to assess what the hell was going on.
Connor has just hysterical.
It turned out he lost his money IN HIS wallet that he was looking inside of for his money. How one does that is not clear to me, so I can’t even explain it to you. I had my own set of problems to deal with. So I did not spend too much time going over that particular crisis.
I went to get Georgia up. She kept telling me she was so tired that she will be spending the day in bed: “Er no! Now get your arse out of bed and get your fairy outfit on!”
Georgia has a fairy outfit she is obsessed with. I have given up the good fight of dressing her appropriately. I have instead opted to allow her to wear her orange fairy outfit to school on a Monday. It has orange wings and a small clutch bag – as is the pre-requisite with all things fairy.
I go and try and find a bottle to give Isabelle milk – cannot find one. No bottle in sight, in the house of a thousand baby bottles, so the hunt begins.
I return to Isabelle – she is all happy and gurglie, which always makes me feel all happy and gurglie as well. She is such a happy gorgeous soul. I too am a happy soul when I am greeted with a pee nappy, and not a poo nappy first thing in the morning. I took that as a sign that this morning was going to go well – I was very mistaken.
My aunt asked me for the sewing kit – I stopped trying to find a bottle, and went to find the sewing kit instead. Found kit.
I found a bottle, cleaned it and made Isabelle some warm milk.
Screamed at Georgia to get out of bed and into her damn fairy outfit. (I might have used profanity!)
Reminded Connor to get his school bag ready, grab his poster (for his oral) and start making his way to the kitchen for breakfast.
I am still in my sleep shirt.
I make Kennith coffee, and me some tea.
I put the kids breakfast out. Georgia pours her milk and messes it all over the counter. I clean this up and then realise that time is ticking by and I still have not even started my morning ablutions.
Leave them eating breakfast, go down the passage to see why Isabelle is crying. Find her toy dog, solve that problem and start making my way to the room so I can get ready.
Georgia is crying because she has messed pronutro on her fairy outfit. I go back to the kitchen to clean her up.
Connor finishes his breakfast. I remind him that he needs to brush his teeth, do his hair, blow his nose and get his school stuff and the poster together and start making his way to the car. He gos: “yes mom.”
Georgia decides she has had enough to eat, and I have had enough of cleaning Pronutro off her. I tell her to go and brush her teeth.
She gets to the bathroom and then cries because Connor knocks her with the door, by accident. I explain that she is fine, and I give the miracle-mother-kiss-that-makes everything all right. I remind her that she needs to brush her teeth and get a move on.
I head back to the room and find a homework book and some school stuff on the bed – I ask Kennith where this comes from. Kennith says that Connor dropped it there this morning i.e. before 6am!
I read the note and see that I need to cover a book and bake some cupcakes that need to be at school on the 1 November!
Of course I sh*t myself – why does he keep doing this to me? I know I am an inept parent, but at least let me have a fighting chance at getting it right.
I call Connor and give him a total tongue lashing. Which actually is quite easy, as I have had the same conversation several times so I am working off a script.
I realise that I am angry, and a bit more angry than the situation calls for. Once I have finished doing my uit-kak I decide I am not going to punish him now, as it would be done in anger, so I send him on his way but with the warning that there will be punishment later.
I then have to stop to find Georgia’s toothbrush which was lost (Isabelle had walked off with it and put it in another room.) I put toothpaste on the toothbrush and send her back to the bathroom to finish up.
I ask my mom to please cover Connor’s school book as it is now 07:18 and I need to leave at 07:30. I stand there whilst my mom explains she cannot cover books and that my aunt should do it. I am screaming inside – like loudly at this point – but I am standing in the passage in my sleep shirt trying to look serene.
I find plastic wrap, pair of scissors, tape and set it out, then I try to dash for the shower. My aunt asks me for pegs, as she uses this for covering books. I do not even ask why – I have already given up on life at this point. I go out the back door, still in my sleep shirt and get some pegs off the line.
I know I am way beyond cross at this point, as my inner voices have just stopped talking to me. They have all gone off to their respective corners to fume.
Leave pegs with my aunt, I go past the kids and remind Georgia to finish brushing her teeth – she has distracted herself and is singing the elephant song. I remind her to get her bag, and ask Pepe to please brush her hair (Georgia’s hair, not Pepe’s hair ….just to clarify the ambiguity there).
Before I head back to the room. On the way I find Connor and remind him to take his medication, brush his hair, brush his teeth, get his poster, get his school bag, and go over his oral (which he must do today) while he is waiting for me and starting aiming to the car as I am leaving shortly.
I get in the shower it is a little past 07:25 – brush my teeth, wash my hair, condition my hair, try to put soap onto skin, rinse off, dash out of the shower.
Isabelle is crying as she wants to come into the room. I wrap a towel around myself and go and fetch her. I see the workers standing at our front gate – we are doing renovations. I go and find Pepe and ask her to please go and unlock for them, and then I head back to the room with Isabelle in tow.
I remind Connor to get his poster, practice his oral, grab his bag and head to the car.
I ask Georgia to get her bag and head for the car.
I find my mom – as I realise that reversing is going to be a challenge as she has parked behind the garage I am in. I ask her to reverse her car as I cannot get out.
She starts telling me a story, which I cannot actually listen to, as I am dripping with a brown towel wrapped around me. I still need to get ready and it is now 07:30.
I take Isabelle to the room, get dressed. Grab the last of the fancy-dress stuff together (we went to a Halloween Party on Saturday), take all the coffee cups to the kitchen. I start screaming down the passage ‘everyone get in the car, we are leaving.”
I am trying to brush my hair, which is dripping as I have had no time to dry it. Make-up of any kind is a nicety I have totally abandoned. I am thankful I have shoes on at this point.
I grab my bag. Isabelle starts to cry as she realizes I am leaving. I am trying to say goodbye to everyone – my mom and aunt will be leaving a bit later, so I won’t see them tonight, so we are doing the “good bye have a safe trip” and I am trying to sooth Isabelle.
Fortunately Pepe comes to the rescue and takes Isabelle’s hand, and they sort of stand around on the stairs and Isabelle looks content enough.
Kids are in the car, I am grabbing odds and ends as I go and I am making my way to the garage.
Georgia comes up the stairs screaming. She cannot find her orange fairy bag and is having a total melt-down of epic proportion.
Now we are doing a hunt around the house to find the flaming bag. Finally find bag – always in the last place you look it would seem – we throw ourselves into car.
I then realise I have forgotten my diary. Sh*t, so I race up the stairs, go back to the room, grab it, get back in the car. I am way past irritable now (not surprisingly as you may be able to empathize).
In car, start car and then realise the remote to the garage door is not in the car. Fek!! I get out of car – after cussing severely – and go and find that.
Get back in the car, open garage, reverse, and get on our way. The kids are all looking a little wide eyed and scared of crazy mommy right now!
While we are driving I am telling Connor that I am tasked to remember all his stuff, Georgia’s stuff, Isabelles’ stuff, dad’s stuff as he keeps forgetting stuff and then my stuff.
It is unfair to expect me to remember everyone’s things and my own. And when I ask him to do something, he needs to do it. And he knows he needs to get home from school, sort his school bag out, and give me any notes/letters/requests for baked goods at least the night before.
I explain this is a common theme of my rants and I am a little bit at my wits end.
I said next time he does it, I will be taking R10.00 from his saving-for-a-DS-fund. If he does not give me the note (because he has forgotten, and does not want to lose the R10.00) and I find out, I will then take R20.00.
Begrudgingly he agrees – he is not happy about it, but he agrees. So on we drive.
Georgia meanwhile is making spider shapes with her hands and wants me to keep looking. I explain I am driving and can’t keep checking on her designs, to which she then goes “aaaaawwwww” and does a little sulk.
I am trying to calm down, and think: “Just get to work. Do not take out your frustrations on the kids. You do not want to have the kids going to school upset, or telling teacher that there mom is a screaming ranting psychotic freak! You have got about 12 minutes to change their perception of you …. you can do it…. just take deep breathes and calm it down ……the worst of it is over, you just need to drop them off … come on, the end is in sight!!”
Me talking to Connor: “Okay, so you are ready with your oral. Please put your school book in your bag, so you do not forget it. I hope you remembered your poster!”
Judging by the look of horror on his face I realized he has forgotten the poster – the one I made on the History of Transport and the one I have reminded him to pack in the car at least six times this morning alone!
I TOTALLY UNEQUITABLY SH*T IN MY PANTS RIGHT THERE!
I do a 180 degree hand brake turn in traffic. I drive back to the house. Thw difference here is that I was dead quiet. Because I am now so cross, that if I said what was in my head, I would be contributing to childhood-therapy-with-a-psyciatrist for the rest of my children’s natural life.
I stop the car, he gets his poster, I drop him off at school, it is now 08h15. He is late, Georgia is late. I walk in to my 08h30 morning meeting – late, and really angry!
Fabulous – I fekn hate Monday mornings!
Georgia has reminded me on several occasions that fek’n is a bad word – I might just revert back to saying fucking because it would seem I am living in hell anyway, I might as well go there for cussing …..