Insomnia was one of the “things” I picked up during the Great Depression of 2011.
I have always been a bit of an iffy sleeper. I go to sleep easily, but I wake up 4 hours later with my brain in a whirl whilst I work through every possible permutation of everything I said, did and nearly did in the day.
Each outcome will have a new set of possibles and then I have to work through them.
Anxiety and stress is really an exhausting friend to keep. Demanding, needy, and never looks out for your best interest. She is not a friend you want to get to close to, and you really do not want her stupid status updates at 23h00, 24h00, 01h00 and 02h00.
Unfortunately it is one of those thing where the more anxious and stressed you get, the less you sleep. The more tired you are, the more anxious and stressed you get, so you are exhausted and your nerves get more frayed and you desperately need to sleep.
But you are too stressed and anxious to sleep, so your brain does not get quiet and there you are staring at the ceiling wondering if you could turn the television on, and put the sound low enough so your partner does not wake.
I have a script from my guy-in-a-white-coat that gives me a small white pill of “instant sleep.”
I am fairly sure that Sleeping Beauty took an Ivedal which may explain why she fell instantly asleep. Possibly it was in the drinking water hence the entire castle following suit.
The downside is I get a bit of amnesia before I fall asleep, so sometimes do and say things I have zero recollection of the following day.
The upside is I sleep like the dead, and wake up each morning feeling refreshed and alert, and never lie awake trying to stop myself thinking about the blinking light on my desk, even when my eyes are closed. Sometimes I crack one eye open to see if I can catch the blinking light out. Being tired also makes me delusional. More than usual.
I forgot to renew my script yesterday.
Last night I had no white pill.
Instead I got finishing a book in the hope it would make me go to sleep.
Putting the light off and closing my eyes and thinking “go to sleep thoughts.”
I counted sheep backwards, I usually start at 1001 and work my way to 1. I never get to 1, I get bored around 950.
I think soothing thoughts, calming thoughts, I take deep breaths and try to relax.
At 1am I realised this was really not working. I put on my daggiest bathrobe, traipsed downstairs and did some work. I climbed back in to bed at about 5am, watched a bit of tv and tried to fall asleep.
The sleep fairy snuck by at about 06h50 and blew “instant sleep” in my face.
Connor had to scream “MOM, you need to get up we are going to be late!!!” After the third time, I got out of bed, bleary eyed and punch drunk.
I could easily be an extra on The Walking Dead right now!
It is 10h35 and I am going to make a cup of tea, find a warm blanket and see if I can quietly sink off into blissful sleep. I have no idea how new moms go through sleep deprivation and do not end up going insane
I have a fabulous Organics hamper to give away, but really need to be able to focus to put that together. Promise I will do it for tomorrow, as well as announce the winner to the Disney pack ….. brain she is just too exhausted right now to do much beyond breath-aim-to-the-kitchen for tea.