So this weekend Kennith and I are going away for the weekend with girls we have met through my blog and some forums I chat on.
When I saw we have met, I really mean I have met. And I am dragging Kennith who has become the reluctant husband along with me.
This morning while Vera was waxing my personal bits, I was telling her the story and what we were doing this weekend. She asked me how Kennith feels about being dragged along on a weekend with people he actually does not know.
I said, well, I am not sure, because I had not stopped to ask him. She raised a finely plucked eyebrow and carried on ripping my hair from it’s roots.
Vera commented that not many men would agree to go along for this sort of weekend, and Kennith was quite a trooper/unusual/not like most men.
I had not actually given that much thought.
Here we are going away on a weekend, where the girls in these three couples have struck up a friendship, albeit a strange one. We seem to find something in each other that resonates with us and on what appears to be an agreed liking for each other, we have committed to spending 48 hours together – away in a cabin, next to a river/dam/water mass.
I really had not considered that I am “forcing” Kennith – and the other girls are forcing their respective partners – to spend a weekend with two other men that he might not be friends with, and possibly might not choose to be friends with if the choice was left to him (Possibly, they might prove to be bosom buddies and be spooning by Saturday night. One never knows what happens when boys go up a hill and there is an open fire, see what happened in Brokeback Mountain and all).
The choice actually is not being made by him.
I planned this weekend, and he said “no we are not doing it, we don’t even know these people” and then I told him to stop being a “Nancy boy, what is the worst that can happen, it will be fine, not get it together” and then he said “okay” begrudgingly and I carried on planning this weekend.
Actually he is quite a sport and has taken ½ days leave today, and is doing all the shopping for the weekend. As reluctant as he is, he is still getting behind this idea in a big way.
So yes, Vera, as you remove my deeply rooted pubic hair with maybe a bit too much force – you are correct. Kennith is a little unusual as far as “most men” go.
I have always admitted that Kennith is not “most men” – he supports me and gets behind my seemingly insane ideas.
He stands next to me and supports me when most other “men” would have abandoned ship and headed for the hills. Though we do have boy and girl roles, I do think as partners in a relationship, our roles as man and woman are sometimes blurred, and he often picks up some of my roles, as I think I do his.
I like that I have a Kennith who does stuff that maybe not all men do, and whose take on our life is not “old school and traditional.” He is an active inclusive father, and we do not look at it as something strange. If I am an active inclusive mother, why should he not be an active inclusive father?
About two weeks ago, my mom and my aunt were staying with us for the weekend. I was away on the one day, I can’t recall where I was – but I was out. Kennith was sorting out the kids.
I got home early evening/late afternoon and my mom and aunt were sitting at the dining room table finishing dinner. They were talking about Kennith in hushed tones of awe, as if he had just turned water into wine, while walking on the water, and wrestling with the lions in the den.
I though “Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy.”
Once I got past them, I went to find Kennith and check on the kids. He had them all in hand.
I asked what he had done that had created such awe in my mother and aunt, and he commented “nothing really.” I asked him what he had up to this evening.
He said he had fed the kids, got the kids into the bath, got them into their jammies, and they were downstairs watching television. He had fed Isabelle, and was waiting for me as I enjoyed bathing with her. I said “okay, anything unusual” and he said “No, but your mom and aunt did keep looking at him and smiling…maybe they aren’t used to a guy doing stuff.”
I went back and sat with my mom and aunt at the dining room table. They commented again that Kennith was such a super man, and should have a cape and maybe wear his underpants on the outside.
I sort of smiled and drank some more wine – I might have chugged it a bit actually – and then went on with my evening.
Later I was chatting to Kennith about his super-man status. He raised something that I probably had not really thought about much.
My mother and my aunt are not used to men who help out with “women’s work.” They are used to men who arrive home, complain about their heavy day, kick off their shoes, put their feet on the coffee table, and wait for their wife to bring them a cold beer in their favourite glass.
While they read the newspaper, the little woman goes off and finishes dinner which she serves with a flourish.
Same man eats dinner, and pats his wife on the head and complements her on the great meal. Burps in appreciation and goes to settle himself on the couch and watches a bit of footie on the tellie.
When that is done and he is ready to go to bed, he will wink over at his wife and say “Honey are you coming to bed” – to which is wife will say “Right there honey” and she will be.
What he does not see is that she has spent the day running around after kids and the house.
She has prepared the meal from scratch – no Woolies throw-in-the-microwave faire here – and got kids homeworked, bathed, jammied and in bed, and done a host of other activities. The kitchen is spotless. She found time to go to the bottle store and restock on the beer.
She has done a bit of gardening, probably some grocery shopping, stood in queues for paying electricity, completing Tim’s school project on owl migration, and spent 15 minutes making herself pretty and presentable before Mr. Husband got home.
So she will appear next to her husband, while he goes on to tell her about the difficult day he had. She will not think for a minute to tell him that Tim had flushed the cat down the toilet and she had to single-handedly go in and rescue the cat, and then wash the sh*t off the cat, while Tim and his brother Larry watched.
And what’s more she will be ready to have sex if and when he wishes it. All this she will do without uttering a word of complaint, or reflect on her situation and go “Fek, I got the short end of the stick here in this relationship deal.”
But times are different – thank heavens for that!
Kennith does not “help” out with the kids. He has responsibilities that include the kids – his kids.
I confess, I do sometimes say “please help me get the kids out of the bath” as if it is my duty, and he is being a real help by helping me.
I also confess that we have taken on different roles in our house – most of the children related things fall to me to deal with. But at the same time Kennith does all the grocery shopping and most nights he cooks, or he brings home take aways, or he takes me out for dinner. He does not expect a meal to miraculously land in front of me.
Well maybe he does expect it, but the cold reality has hit him that if he waits he will go hungry. Maybe he has taken on the role of “hunter and provider” in our little family as he is tired of waiting for the food to magically appear out of the oven he bought me that I still do not quite know how to use.
So yes, a few things might have changed since my mom and my aunt had their kids, and maybe our home operates a bit differently to theirs and even to other households I have seen.
Even now I see friends where the guy has a limited role in terms of house and kids – fortunately that is not my household. Both Kennith and I have chosen that he takes an active role. Okay I chose it, he sort of got beat into doing it, but damn, does that boy do a good job now!
Back to this weekend – I am really excited about going away with my internet chums.
It is a bit like internet dating, but without the pressure of “whether we will need to have sex.” I am really hoping that they are not thinking we are all going to be having sex, as I am sure that was not what I had conveyed.
So I am officially “Gone Fishing” and will see you on Monday!
If you don’t hear from me on Monday, and you need to report me as a missing person to the police as my “internet chums” have turned into nothing more than “serial murders who stalk innocent prey like me on the internet” get the police to look in the direction of Swellendam near some log cabins.