Last night around 19h00 – Connor tells me he has an oral to present today.
I try not to smack him along the side of the head. But he reasons with me that he already knows what he is going to say, so it really is not a big deal. I ask him does he needs props or posters, or pyrotechnics, like previous orals?
He looks at me in a way that indicates “yes, there needs to be a light show and some solid gold dancers…”
I take a deep breath, and try to remember that I actually do like my children, but for a moment there understand why one would send a child in to the woods, with a little red cape, a basket of food and knowing full well that a wolf might well eat your little darling en route.
Knowing this, you still send them off. And pack some food into the basket to elicit the interest of wild hungry animals. I now so get these little fairy tales. All makes sense.
I suggest that I print some pictures out for him, and he can use that. Connor agrees that will be fine.
I sit down to do this task, trying very hard to keep the anger I am feeling at bay. I am so tired of being told last-minute things from my kids. It is exhausting.
Anyway, I do the pictures, we get kids into bed - as Connor comes in to say goodnight he reminds (insert tells me for the first time) that tomorrow is a Valentine’s Day picnic, and he needs to bring a picnic blanket and picnic stuff!
I freak the hell out. Kennith tries to calm the situation down, and explains that we have enough odds and sods in the cupboard to put it together, so really nothing to go bezerk about (however bearing in mind no one packed this basket with goodies, as it was added to the things I should tackle in the morning, you know, because my mornings are so breezy and relaxing……)
This morning, I am getting Connor’s stuff together for his picnic, I am chasing kids to the car, the usual chaos of the morning – you know how it goes. Packing bags into car, and Georgia goes: “We have a picnic at school, please can I also have a picnic blanket ….”
I think the vein in my neck popped. Like through the skin - blood pumping against the garage wall — or it just felt like it.
I know I swore like a sailor. I do think my kids all took one step back from me, because this was what they knew was going to happen, and the day had arrived.
I mean seriously, it is their stuff, how am I meant to remember everything? And whilst I am remembering, rushing to work, doing all the other shit that is life, I must have the “crystal ball” skill to know all the stuff I am not told, but have to prepare for.
It really annoyed me this morning. Like EPIC PARENT lose your mind stuff.
I stand there and weigh up whether I should just say “well fk it, if you did not remember it, you do not get it …” and then know they will be the only kid at school without.
That will be fabulous, so of course I can’t let that happen, and now I kick into higher gear than I was before.
Get them in the car, get them each a picnic bag, blanket, we drive through the traffic to the shop – traffic is hectic.
I am sitting there quietly trying to work through why I am so angry, and that I should not use the time to rant in the car, because Connor will take it all on as “his fault” and I am not wanting to make him feel bad. I have the radio off, as I think I will kill Kino Kammies this morning if I hear his stupid voice.
I am focussed, I just want to drive and not kill anyone. Just get them to school. To their safe place. I promise myself a McMuffin if I behave.
So we are driving, and I am thinking about what I will get at the shop, and that this really is not a big deal, it is fine, no worries, just remind kids AGAIN to please tell me with sufficient warning. It is fine. This chaos is fine. Really fine. I am trying to remain in my “calm” place.
This morning I told Connor twice to put the “photographs for his oral” into his school bag. Twice!
My hands grip the steering wheel a bit tighter.
Me: “Connor, please let me you put the photographs in your school bag, like I told you twice. Please tell me you did not leave them lying on your desk table. Because I sat up late last night to do them. And I reminded you twice they were on the desk and you must put them in your bag. This morning. Twice. Do not tell me that they are still lying on your study table…”
Silence … and this little voice “sorry mom….”
I really do not know at which point it would be acceptable to lose my frikn mind! I swear on my Mcmuffin, that if I do not remember it all, and do it all, it fkn just does not get done!
I am seriously at my wit’s end – and it is February.
Please bear in mind, I have notice boards with notes on them in each kid’s room. I tell them – clearly – that they need to do something. I remind them. I remind them again.
I try to stay on top of all this stuff – for them. But I get no warnings, I am constantly been put on the back foot.
They do not have the milk the cow, or walk 25 kilometers to school – most of it is done for them, I give them 2 or 3 things to do per day.
The problem is they still do not do it – unless I remind them over and over again.
And then really it is just easier to do it myself.
But I don’t - they must do it – they must learn some responsibility … right?
I swear how the hell are these things happening in other people’s homes? I have clearly got this entire chapter on child raising wrong …. horribly wrong. Are there study notes someone can send me?
Is the solution to just let kids eat, sleep and shit, and you pretty much do everything else for them, because they do not appear to retain a memory of anything. Nothing. Except of course if you promise them a lollipop and forgot to give it to them – then they remember if forever and bring it up repeatedly as a sign that your promises are worth sh&t.
It does not matter how much you scream, threaten, curse, promise treats, threaten to take things away, give things for doing, buy stickers are prizes for getting it right - I am so over this stuff – nothing works for a long time.
I have officially been beaten in this parenthood malarky.
I really need a holiday. From my life.