I am at Woolworths today picking up odds and ends.
I have Connor and Georgia are with me.
I must confess, that Georgia did warn me that unless I agreed to leave Connor in the parking lot, in the car, where I could not see him, she was afraid that they would fight in the store.
I am a pretty shitty parent, but even I do not leave my kids in a parking lot, in a car.
I do however wish to explain that I do leave Georgia or Connor in the car if I fetch the one from school. I have to run in and sign them out.
In my defense I have taught Georgia that “if the car catches alight get out the window, but other than that no one in and no one out..”
I also roll down the windows about 1/2 way to make it easier for her to get out should she need to. It is all about the details, right?
We are in the store and the infractions that occurred were (and not limited to):
1. Georgia putting her fingers into Connor’s bum – she said she was helping to pull his pants up.
2. Connor kicked Georgia.
3. Connor and Georgia were arguing about pork and chicken (as you do!)
4. Georgia was screaming that she wanted to sit in the trolley – though I had said no about a half a dozen times.
5. Connor was explaining – in detail – the book on Goosebumps that he had read. He was relaying the book verbatim. By the time we got to the meat aisle, Georgia screamed – YOU HAVE NOT STOPPED TALKING SO I CAN TALK! Of course she had been talking non-stop since the bread aisle.
6. They were arguing whether the ficas plant was real. Connor said it was. Georgia said it wasn’t. And they argued.
7. There was a red-haired boy in the store, who had a “clay class” or what ever t-shirt on. Georgia screamed (like shrieked) at him – “There is a clay boy, there is a clay boy!” I must confess I was confused for some time, as I could not see the print on his shirt. I just stood there and smiled apologetically at his mom as my daughter was screaming “Clay Boy” at a totally unknown red-haired child.
8. I am trying to unpack the trolley at the till, and the kids are arguing (still). I can’t actually tell you what it was about as I had started to filter them out. I could just hear Georgia screaming I AM INNOCENT, I AM INNOCENT!
9. The cash clerk looks at me and goes: “You have a really strong-willed girl there. It’s really great.” I look at her and explain I am an advertisement for why parents should think about only having one child. I am a walking “family planning” advert. She is laughing, but in a manner that I know she is agreeing with me. At that exact moment Georgia screams: ‘You KICKED ME IN THE BALLS, YOU. KICKED. ME. IN. MY. BALLS!”
I may no longer be welcome at that particular branch of Woolworths.