For those who don’t know me, it’s okay, I often wake up at night wondering if I know myself. I do often wonder how I managed to get myself into this position – the position of being mom to three children. When the number one issue is that I don’t actually like children (sure I like my own now, but I never played with dolls, and really tend to cringe back in terror when a young snotty happy faced short person runs towards me), and more importantly number two, I was very sure that I never wanted children.
My partner – Kennith – wanted children from the get go, I was very very reluctant and every time we had the conversation would wrap it up by saying “next year” knowing full well that next year was not going to be coming. Six years into our relationship we had reached a cross-roads/an impasse and I fell pregnant with our first child when I was 28. It was a totally planned endeavour. This did not stop me sitting in the bath and crying like a knocked up 15 year old.
I do wish to place some blame on our friends Mike and Anita (names have not been changed to protect the innocent) – as they had exposed us to their child and it all seemed like such a jolly good idea from our vantage point. I’ve never told them that they are to blame (if only partly), so hopefully they suffer sufficient guilt to bring me something great from the U2 concert that they are travelling overseas to go and see.
So there I was 28, unmarried, pregnant and frightened beyond measure …..