Waking up in a Panic

I jerked awake this morning and lay there wondering why I was awake and what time it was.  I was much too snug under my duvet to reach over and check my cell phone for the time.  Usually I tend to knock what ever is on my side table on to the floor in my frantic pat-patting-type-of-searching for my cell phone, so I try not to do that unless it really is vital.

I figured that Isabelle had not woken for her feed so it must be around 1 to 3am, but I felt remarkably well rested for someone who was awake at that hour.  However I had fallen asleep at about 9pm, so that could well be the reason.

I closed my eyes and tried to think happy thoughts that might force me to sleep a bit more …. but then I heard the familiar ring tone of Kennith’s alarm on his phone.  I sprung up like a bolt saying “fuck (yes I cussed), she hasn’t woken up…!”

Quick realizing that since putting Isabelle down to sleep on Tuesday night around 8pm, I had not heard a peep from her  and now it was 6am on Wednesday.  Of course my paranoid reading of too many Sudden Infant Cot Death articles made me run that little bit faster in my too short Miss Kitty pajamas – only to find the little lamb chop stretched out peacefully still sleeping.

Of course I picked her up – just to make sure she was breathing .  It’s what we paranoid moms do!

Unbelievable that she has slept through!  Of course Kennith took full credit for this – I don’t just think so, he told me: ”I take full credit for this…”  He also then announced that our daughter sleeps through the night now – I think that is a bold statement for a one off occurrence, but clearly you can see who is “the glass is half full” type of person versus “the glass is half empty, and who the hell drank from my glass” person in our relationship.

Kennith skipped off to work feeling all happy, while I schlepped back to the room to feed her again – I only had 45 minutes to jam as much milk into this baby as possible – as she had missed her morning feeds – before I had to go off to work myself.

There were a few things that happened this morning.  First Kennith only takes responsibility for the good things that our kids do.  Everything else is due to my poor parenting or lax attitude in some way.  Our kids are very polite and just nice kids, and we often get complemented on this.  Kennith basks in the glow of these complements.  When my daughter throws a thrombie or my son misbehaves, somehow it is linked to my “allowing it.”

So Isabelle’s sleeping through is all because of Kennith.  The fact that I insist on bathing her and doing a night routine with her and feeding her until she pops has been overlooked.

The other thing is that there is hope that I might actually sleep through the night in this year.  During my pregnancy with Isabelle I did not struggle to fall asleep, but found that at a point I woke up and was so uncomfortable that I could not go back to sleep.  Often up from about 2 or 3 in the morning.  The result is that I have been sleep deprived since February – so this is the first full night’s sleep I have had for nearly this entire year.

Definitely a reason to celebrate.  I will toast this with a glass of wine later – work seems to frown on drinking alcohol at my desk.

Leave a comment


  1. Helen

     /  January 21, 2010

    By the way – my spelling is terrible, I usually can spell but with Osama at home, I have to type so bloody fast – so excuse the odd words. I was also educated in the UK so have a better excuse if it really is my IQ at fault.

  2. Helen

     /  January 21, 2010

    wonder if there is such thing as middle child syndrome? In my pscy training my lecturer said it was nother myth created by man. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

  3. Nicky

     /  September 18, 2009

    Gosh, sometimes this sounds like it could be from my own blog!!! I’m paranoia personified, and I OFTEN OFTEN MORE OFTEN THAN NOT check on my little one to see if he’s breathing!!

    And the kid’s good manners can only come from their father- only tantrums, shouting, etc etc come directly from me, cos apparently this is how I roll.

    We should hook up for a glass of wine definetly.

    • reluctantmom

       /  September 19, 2009

      You are very funny, and we were definitely seperated at birth. Clearly you went to the rich family that were my real parents …… please tell me you did!!!

  4. charlene

     /  September 17, 2009

    you have skipped quite a bit, we missed out on the birth of Georgia entirely. She really must have middle child syndrome and if she doesn’t then WOW someone must take credit for that, perhaps not Kennith, again. Love reading your piece, very well written, I have to say that I could never write like that ever not in a million years, but I can spell and have to say that ‘compliment’ and ‘their’ was spelt wrong. Make sure it doesn’t happen again! Jokes, keep the blog coming.

    • reluctantmom

       /  September 19, 2009

      I was planning to start from day zero and build from there, so I thought I would start with for me what were critical incidents, and then I just started adding things that I felt like writing about on the day. I will probably go back to the pregnancy fo Georgia and finding out and how difficult it was and all of that – all in good time. I’m glad you are enjoying the read. xx


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