Where to start …

Kennith and I went out for pizza last night, and we had a quick discussion about who, when and how our very surprising nuptial should play out.   Like a really quick discussion…..

Kennith suggested the 17 July – which is our present “anniversary” date.  It falls on Saturday this year, so that should work out fine.   Sure it is around the corner, but who needs a long engagement?  Right?

We had spoken about doing something at a Brewery (try to control your sniggering…) way back then when we were all young and niave.  The Brewery that we really like has got a bit yuck over the years.  It has gone from divine location to a rather gritty yucky pub filled with strange men in knitted cardigans with leather patches on their sleeves.  So though that may have been a great idea 10 – 12 years ago, it ain’t flying today.

We have agreed that we might need to market this up a little from the stand around at home affairs and then nip out to the local Spur for something to nosh plan we were thinking of going with.  We are just not sure quite where between that, and the total-cost-of-a-house-for-a-wedding to stop.  Kennith is thinking as close to the bottom as possible.

I really do not want to turn into Bridezilla, it is really not my thing.  But I have this sneaky sensation that it is inevitable.

But … here is the resounding but …. I do get caught up in the detail of things, and start to stress whether the toilet paper rolls out over the roll, or from underneath the roll.  Seriously this kind of crap keeps me awake at night!  Hence my concern that planning a wedding – no matter how trailer park you keep it, can start to get very very worrisome if you start getting sucked in to it all.

I know I do not want a bring-and-braai where everyone brings their own yellow or blue cooler boxes. I know few things, but that one I know for sure.  I think it will make for great wedding photographs, I can picture it now, but I’m not so sure it will be as funny at the time, as it will be in retrospect.

I am not sure quite what “we” want – but I think Kennith wants to pay as little as he can, and drink beer from a keg.  His needs are quite simple.  If there was a stripper pole I think that would also make Kennith happy.  Kennith also wants an ice-cream van that serves soft-serves.  If you think I am making this stuff up, please feel free to ask him yourself.

Our first issue is that we need to find a marriage officer who does not repel us.  That may be the first problem, but my mate knows a guy who operates out of a parking lot and she highly recommends him.  Okay, so that should be fine.  Right?

I do not necessarily want to wear a white meringue dress, but I want to wear something pretty and I do not want to look like a total troll in the wedding photos.

Which brings us to the wedding photos.  Love that everyone likes to aim something digital and shoot it, but good photos are my thing, and I really do want good photos.  I think Kennith might drop his testicle if we start courting good photographers, so will need to think of something there and how to get good photographs without losing Kennith’s berries attached to his twig.

Huge flowers and roses everywhere are also not my thing.  I am not sure I want a dead cat on the table as a talking point/décor works, but I would need something, just what is reasonable and is not going to cost me a kidney.

I know I want wine – so that is ticked on my list.  I want really big glasses as well – the ones that sit in the palm of your hand, not on the tips of your fingers.  See, so far easy, I have a list and I am ticking things.

I want red wine soaked lamb shank and buttery mash – it is going winter, I’m thining a big roaring fire.  I am thinking of warm comfort food.  I have no idea what Kennith wants, but I am pretty sure he wants ice cream appearing somewhere, he probably would be fine with 3 – 5 courses of just ice cream.

I want everyone at one table – not this 8 table party scattered all over the show.  It must be a long table, and everyone eating and drinking too much and talking way too loud.

I don’t think I want dancing. I am thinking of an afternoon sit around a table thing – yes, you may ask, and how is this different from any other afternoon?  Well  not too much I may answer, and there is the beauty!

I really fear that at some point in the middle of the night I am going to be standing there crying because I can’t get just the right chintz as my table cloth.  And the apricot colour I chose as my theme now looks like baby vomit because the colour is just not right.  Then it is going to get all crazy and just not good.

I get a bit apprehensively exhausted that this has to be a huge drama.

In the end we might just end up a few mates around for a fondue, and get everyone to bring a dip or a pork sausage – seriously at some point I think that is going to seem like the easiest solution to this.

But still early days, nothing to worry about.  Right?