Of days that are just too long …

So yesterday I go along to do the final fitting of the dress – it really is a “rok” so I do want to warn you.  Subtle and reserved is not a word one would use to describe this particular dress.

I am nervous now that I am drawing even more attention to myself … this entire wedding makes me feel very nervous, knowing people are going to be looking at me is a real issue … I appreciate the irony in it all, I really do.

I really do like the dress, but I did think yesterday that maybe I have gone a little overboard with this entire thing … it’s that post purchase dissidence thing that everyone talks about.

For a few moments I stood there and thought, can I just give all of this shite back, phone the marriage officer, tell him we were joking, cancel the flowers, phone the venue and say “listen about the seventeenth..” but could I keep the ring?  It suddenly feels all a bit exhausting and my excitement has waned.

I was standing there in big huge dress, silky shoes and some bling, and I am just thinking, maybe we should have kept this to a bring-and-braai wedding and scaled this all back a little bit.  Or maybe getting married is not that great an idea … run bride run ….

But here we are less than 17 days away, but I guess all grooms and brides get that moment where they think, you know, let’s just slow this bus down and think it over.  Like my friend Basil says, let’s all just calm the FEK down.

No doubt it will pass and I will be in the swing of it again, as I argue about the “right” cake and stress about the flower petals.

Earlier this week we went along to sign the pre-nup.  There really is something quite disturbing about the entire process.  It is all dealt with by lawyers and their minions and seems very pedestrian to them, while rather life changing to you.

They print out these pages that sort out issues about who will get granny’s silver service if you divorce, but it does not seem to discuss who will pay for the kid’s education and where they will live.

It also does not mention that I am in my full rights to stab Kennith in the groin with a blunt potato peeler if he has a mid-life crisis, buys a stupidly expensive bright small convertible car and suddenly had an enthusiastic interest in girls with names like Candy and Mindy, who have abnormally large breasts!

But possibly that was covered in the annexure, which I did not read as all the black print started to swim before my eyes.  I actually felt very overwhelmed by the entire experience, and did not enjoy it, no not one bit (thanks Cat in the Hat.)

We also made out our wills in the event that we get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex while on honeymoon.

Equally disturbing, trying to decide who will get the toilet brush and have to endure Georgia’s Barbie stories, but there are decisions to be made, and sometimes, you need to sort of sit there act there like an adult (even if just remotely) and make decisions.

I really did not feel warm and fuzzy while signing and initialing all the forms.  To be honest I started to feel a little nauseous and well, less than excited by this entire thing.  Maybe I am just having a bad week and lawyers with abnormally large board room tables make me nervous.

My head really is not in a good place right now, and it has been a bit of an emotionally exhausting/draining week for several reasons – most of my own engineering.  The ante-nuptial paperwork crap did not help.

Standing there and seeing myself in the mirror in dress garb and thinking that maybe I do look a bit like a troll did not really help either.  Funny how one day you think you look like a fairy princess and the next you look like Billy Goat Gruff!!

On the up side, I thought yesterday was Monday – and while out with running guy realized it was Wednesday.  He reminded me that Steers has Wacky Wednesday, which would solve my “what to eat” problem.

He was right, I ran off there and ordered a Wacky Wednesday meal from Steers – fully kitted out in my sweaty running gear, and ate it totally guilt free.  I did order a Tab to balance it all out – the ying and yang and all that.

What if it happened differently ….?

So Connor and I are chatting in the car this morning on the way to school (holiday programme).  I was telling him how he shares a birthday with a friend of Georgia’s.

I explained that they did not share a birth day, but they shared a date of birth and what the difference is.  He is 8, the friend is turning 5 this year.

I commented that every day a baby is born and isn’t that a lovely thing to think about, to which he replied that every day someone also dies… true … maybe not quite something you want your eight year old to be thinking about too hard, but there we go, can’t argue with the ying and yang of that argument.

Then Connor asks all bright eyed and innocently: ” If Adam and Eve were the first people here, how come there are caveman bones – were they cavemen, because I don’t think they were?”  (got to love a child whose brain just runs in seven directions at once.)

I asked Connor to consider that what if the bible story is well, just a story, and maybe what is important is the message that the story is telling us.  Maybe to consider that as an option here.

I also said that it is always good to ask questions about something, no matter how convincing and accepted the original story is.  Think about the other evidence you are presented with, and think about how that story aligns with the evidence or the other facts that you now know.

I asked Connor: “If the bible tells you that Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, and you see evidence that there were cavemen that existed – and for all purposes Adam and Eve were not caveman what does that make you think?”

Connor sat there and thought about it, and said: “But they found spears in old dinosaur remains, so there must have been people before Adam and Eve.”

Me: “Sure, there could have been.  So do you think that maybe the bible story was just a story to try to tell you a message, and maybe the evidence shows that in reality something else happened?  What do you think about that?”

Connor: “I think there were cavemen before Adam and Eve…”

Me: “I am glad you question things and don’t accept what people tell you.  Try and always remember that what people tell you are their opinions, and even a story that is told to you over and over again, does not make it a fact.  There is nothing wrong with looking at something and thinking about it differently.”

Connor just smiling his toothy smile.

Me: “I really am proud of you that you can listen to a story and then think that maybe there are the other possibilities. I am not saying that when someone tells you something you should think they are lying or telling you an untruth – but try to always think for yourself ‘what if this happened’ or ‘consider that this other option might be right.’

It is people like you that go on to discover things, because you think about the why and the how.  Keep asking questions … don’t just accept it because people say it must be so because that it the way it has always been.”

I was so dead proud of that boy this morning for having such a quick enquiring mind.

Connor questions things – all the time – often I do tell him just to be quiet and things are just the way they are.  I challenge any parent to be in the mood to answer soul-searching questions twenty-four/seven – some times you do want to say “Just shut-up and go and watch television, and leave me to my wine, why don’t you!!”

He loves Discovery and Animal Planet and soaks that information up like a sponge.  He can recall facts and incidents of shows he watched a year ago, which beats the snot out of watching hours of the Cartoon Channel, much to Georgia’s unhappiness.

What made me proud today is that he questioned something that must be such an ingrained story in his mind, but still he had the open mindedness to just question it.

Sure we are skirting around the discussion of creation versus evolution … and I realise we risk being burnt at a stake on our front yard at the very least … but there we go, the risks we take for our children.