Of surrogacy and disappointments ….

I feel quite despondent that the path I am attempting to take is being blocked.

I heard from one of the agencies that I contacted regarding surrogacy.

The Cape Town Ethics Committee met earlier this week and discussed my case, and my application to act as a surrogate was turned down.

The reason they supplied was they considered that the risk will be too large to me for me to undertake for a third party.

I accept their reasoning, and no doubt this comes from years of experience.

However that does not stop me being very disappointed that my pursuing surrogacy in Cape Town through an agency will no longer be possible.  I assume the ethics committee includes doctors,  social workers and agencies that work in Cape Town

The agency I contacted in Johannesburg, does not seem to fall under the Ethics Committee’s jurisdiction (I make this stuff up, as I have no real idea of how it works).

They  have agreed to take on my profile, but will then leave the decision to IP to consider the risks, and if a set of IP or a single IP decides to pursue this with me, then it will be subject to an extensive physical to confirm that there is not underlying reason why not to pursue a 4th pregnancy.

Of course I am gutted and disappointed that this is where we are on this road.

Do I accept it is the end of the road for me with regards to wanting to act as a surrogate for someone?  No.

Do I think that the chance are very slight that an IP will select my profile?  Yes.

Do I understand the that chances of me being a surrogate are slim to pretty much nil?  Yes, I think the odds are stacked against me now.

Am I really disappointed?  Yes, unfortunately more than I can explain in a sensible and logical manner.

I really do not do well with platitudes or cliches of “it’s for the best” or “I am sure there is a reason” or something along those lines.

I do feel the over riding urge to scream into the storm and swear at the thunder.

As I type this post I look down at my two children (one is watching a movie downstairs) and I think of how lucky I am I get to have them, and have them as part of my life.

I am gutted that I can’t help someone else just have a third of what I have … however a huge part of me hopes that the agency in Johannesburg will align me with an IP and the process will still go on.

For now it is a case of taking a deep breath and waiting ….

Leave a comment


  1. I’m doing this on a total gut feel. I don’t know what the chances are of you becoming a surrogate for someone who lives overseas (she’s American)… but:


    I’m sure this is all kinds of politically incorrect for me to do, but I just feel I should point you in that direction!

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 13, 2010

      I’m funny that way, always willing to look at things and see where it takes me – thanks for pointing it out, will click on link and see.

  2. I’m sorry to hear that the doors of surrogacy is not opening for you yet, but like Tania is saying, wait. Wait longer. Your chance will come, sooner than you might think 😉

  3. Tania

     /  August 10, 2010

    then do just that, scream into the storm …and take your deep breath and continue waiting 🙂 …i would love to have 2 more, a boy and a girl, but my body won’t allow me as it may just be the end of me …i will now love the pigeon pair that i was gifted with from God.

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 10, 2010

      And right there is the difference – you have the patience (and good sense) – to accept things, me not so much. But let’s see how things go, one never knows what might happen. For now I prefer to scream into the storm until I am hoarse and fall on the floor. Sort of makes me feel better.


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