Nothing to do but have a little bitch ….

You know when you just have a “I feel really shite and I should have just stayed home” day. I was fine physically, but for some reason I felt like I was on the verge of having a total break with reality sort of day, you know the kind?

Please tell me you do, so I do not feel like a total freak of nature.

I do realize that I am way past sounding like the crazy cat lady – but I am not sure how far past.  My friend suggested it was possibly all the hype pre-wedding and then the stuff after.  And add my stuff now. She felt I was just a little emotionally-strained and well, she did not want to say sensitive and emotional, but I knew where she was going.

Quite possibly.

This entire weekend, I just felt flat, and removed from everything.

I think part of it is the rather somber conversation Kennith and I had on Friday night.

In one conversation I realized that this may well spell the end of my surrogacy/possibly fourth child/adoption and any plans that require the purchase of maternity wear and booties.

I realized I am sounding a bit unhinged.

I woke up this morning at 03h40 so by the time I got to work I was totally destroyed.  I am one of those people who needs eight hours sleep, else does not function and starts to experience a bit of a strain.

At office – feeling all sad and flat – I am in an open plan office, and I face my entire team while I work.  So I figured I will just have a quiet little cry there at my monitor and carry on working … you know, as you do.  Sad, but productive.

Fortunately every time someone looked at me and they start to frown at the state of my face – I just said “insomnia” and they nodded sagely, and then give me a little look of sympathy.

Of course that did not explain the raccoon-mascara rings on my face, but bless my colleagues for just ignoring me and getting on with their day.

On the stranger side, Kennith had a s.e.x. dream, that included me and chutney … listen I don’t even make this stuff up … the Mrs Balls’ variety.  He even texted me today asking if he should stop and pick up some chutney … and they say I am having a break with reality <sigh>!

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9 Comments

  1. I feel like this – OFTEN!

    I often have a small (LARGE) cry (HOWL) in the bathrooms at work and feel like I should be committed to the nearest looney bin!

    Sometimes all you can do is eat all the marshmallows you can find, wash it down with some wine and carry on!

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      Yesterday I sat on the toilet in our bathroom and had a cry … I was going to say a good cry … it was not a good cry … it was just one of those bleating sad ones where your face is an awful grimace and your heart just breaks ….

      Reply
  2. Sharon

     /  August 17, 2010

    I’m having one of those weeks……….

    Reply
  3. I know about those days, I sympathize/empathize

    As for the condiments dream I had a giggle about that, let us know how it worked out in real life 😛

    Reply
  4. Joyce

     /  August 17, 2010

    Tell Kennith he should try Onion Marmelade… it is little more subtle than Chutney if you really have to involve some condiment in your intimate life!!

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      Thanks Joyce – I will take that as a personal recommendation – wow, you guys really know how to spice up your sex lives!! You should release a video of sorts.

      Reply
  5. Hilary

     /  August 17, 2010

    You are not alone. I had a real beauty of a day myself yesterday. This morning I didnt even feel like coming in – always a bad sign. My problem stems from having to deal with incompetent idiots who are placed in certain positions and then know f-all about getting the job done. I’m seriously about to strip my moer here. I pity the person that gives me crap today.

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      I feel you like you cannot believe!!! But I am feeling remarkably better – a good night’s sleep probably helped.

      Reply

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