Nothing to do but have a little bitch ….

You know when you just have a “I feel really shite and I should have just stayed home” day. I was fine physically, but for some reason I felt like I was on the verge of having a total break with reality sort of day, you know the kind?

Please tell me you do, so I do not feel like a total freak of nature.

I do realize that I am way past sounding like the crazy cat lady – but I am not sure how far past.  My friend suggested it was possibly all the hype pre-wedding and then the stuff after.  And add my stuff now. She felt I was just a little emotionally-strained and well, she did not want to say sensitive and emotional, but I knew where she was going.

Quite possibly.

This entire weekend, I just felt flat, and removed from everything.

I think part of it is the rather somber conversation Kennith and I had on Friday night.

In one conversation I realized that this may well spell the end of my surrogacy/possibly fourth child/adoption and any plans that require the purchase of maternity wear and booties.

I realized I am sounding a bit unhinged.

I woke up this morning at 03h40 so by the time I got to work I was totally destroyed.  I am one of those people who needs eight hours sleep, else does not function and starts to experience a bit of a strain.

At office – feeling all sad and flat – I am in an open plan office, and I face my entire team while I work.  So I figured I will just have a quiet little cry there at my monitor and carry on working … you know, as you do.  Sad, but productive.

Fortunately every time someone looked at me and they start to frown at the state of my face – I just said “insomnia” and they nodded sagely, and then give me a little look of sympathy.

Of course that did not explain the raccoon-mascara rings on my face, but bless my colleagues for just ignoring me and getting on with their day.

On the stranger side, Kennith had a s.e.x. dream, that included me and chutney … listen I don’t even make this stuff up … the Mrs Balls’ variety.  He even texted me today asking if he should stop and pick up some chutney … and they say I am having a break with reality <sigh>!

Leave a comment


  1. I feel like this – OFTEN!

    I often have a small (LARGE) cry (HOWL) in the bathrooms at work and feel like I should be committed to the nearest looney bin!

    Sometimes all you can do is eat all the marshmallows you can find, wash it down with some wine and carry on!

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      Yesterday I sat on the toilet in our bathroom and had a cry … I was going to say a good cry … it was not a good cry … it was just one of those bleating sad ones where your face is an awful grimace and your heart just breaks ….

  2. Sharon

     /  August 17, 2010

    I’m having one of those weeks……….

  3. I know about those days, I sympathize/empathize

    As for the condiments dream I had a giggle about that, let us know how it worked out in real life 😛

  4. Joyce

     /  August 17, 2010

    Tell Kennith he should try Onion Marmelade… it is little more subtle than Chutney if you really have to involve some condiment in your intimate life!!

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      Thanks Joyce – I will take that as a personal recommendation – wow, you guys really know how to spice up your sex lives!! You should release a video of sorts.

  5. Hilary

     /  August 17, 2010

    You are not alone. I had a real beauty of a day myself yesterday. This morning I didnt even feel like coming in – always a bad sign. My problem stems from having to deal with incompetent idiots who are placed in certain positions and then know f-all about getting the job done. I’m seriously about to strip my moer here. I pity the person that gives me crap today.

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      I feel you like you cannot believe!!! But I am feeling remarkably better – a good night’s sleep probably helped.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: