The light breaks through the fog …

I must confess to feeling better today and slightly more sane.  I have no idea what the hell happened from Thursday through to yesterday – I was in a funk of diabolic proportion.

Hell, I even started to worry a bit about myself there.

Last night I had a very long sleep, and definitely woke up feeling a bit more bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning.  The heaviness that I felt on my shoulders the last few days, has definitely lifted – or just lightened somewhat to allow me the space to breath.

This morning, our happy home helper has had to go to home affairs.  She left the house at 6am with Kennith.  Kennith dropped her off so she would literally arrive and be virtually in front of the queue.  She has been in the queue before and has often waited an entire day to be turned away – oh joy.

I got the kids ready, breakfast, dressing, me dressing and generally getting everyone buckled up into the car – which was a bit of controlled chaos.

Isabelle also had to go to a baby school today as there was no one to look after her, and I could not see me getting another day off work – I am so far into the minus days of leave, it has become almost humourous.

I really felt quite grim dropping Isabelle at a little school for the day.

I am okay with sending kids to playschools and the like, but for some reason, I am not so keen on babies in crèches.  I like to try to keep them at home until they are between 18 – 24 months.  I know that most people send their kids to school even at 3 months old, because they have no other option and need to head back to work.

I am really lucky to have Pepe who is there to look after Isabelle so I can keep her at home until I feel I am ready to send her to a little play school.

But the school was good enough to take her today which was a relief for me.  I know she is safe – she may not be surrounded by all her things and have totally undivided attention, but she will be fine.

Okay, so I am feeling like I can take a breath today without bursting into tears, and feel like I have a handle on me again – if only tentatively.

I can’t explain what the hang happened there in the last few days.  But some times depression is like that – it just ambushes you from behind the mulberry tree and drags you kicking and screaming down the path.

Anyway, onward and upwards …

<…..apologise to earlier readers who had to read this twice … in my distraction, I cut and pasted twice and never got a chance to check my stuff … I really must cut down on the drugs at work…..>

Leave a comment


  1. Glad you are feeling better – I too have been a bit shaky, at the best of times.

  2. I am glad you are feeling better!

    Whent the darkness takes over it can be scary!

    Hope Pepe got sorted aswell!

  3. Tania

     /  August 17, 2010

    good that u r back on track 😉

  4. Yay – I’m glad you are feeling better xx

  5. Hilary

     /  August 17, 2010

    “some times depression is like that – it just ambushes you from behind the mulberry tree and drags you kicking and screaming down the path” LOL love that. Perfect description. I’m also recovered from my day of hell. It’s amazing what a frank chat with the boss can achieve. On another note: Pepe spends an awful lot of time at HA. Sure she’s not just trying to get away from you lot? 🙂

    Next year I may be faced with having to put my second baby in creche from 5months. Not looking forward to it.

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 17, 2010

      Yes, Pepe is a citizen of Mr Mugabe – so it does make her working here challenging …. very challenging.

  6. Kennith

     /  August 17, 2010

    Celeste is feeling so nice, she had to say it twice…

    I wonder whether our 16 year and 1 month anniversary has anything to do with her seeing the light.

    That is right, she has been married for a full month now!

  7. Joyce

     /  August 17, 2010

    You are feeling so much better that you had to tell us the same thing twice on your blog today! Haha!

    SOOOO glad you are feeling better!! Nice to have the old Celeste back… not old as in age, OK?

  8. I’m so glad that you’re feeling somewhat brighter. I didn’t know what to say on your previous few posts because you sounded exactly like me last week. There isn’t really much that can make you feel better expect sleep and time to get those thoughts in order.

    Now about some sleep. Hopefully I’ll get some tonight so that I’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow eve X


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