Chariots of Fire ….

(This post was meant to go up on Friday, but following a series of unfortunate events, it only was posted today…)

I seldom look at myself in wonder, but today was one of those days.

This morning I got out of bed at 04h35 – it was not because a child was sick, or someone had wet their beds or because my waters were breaking.

I got up to slip myself into my rather fabulous camel-toe lycra pants, pulled on a comfortable yet support-offering bra.  Added to this little fashion statement was my bright green long sleeve running shirt (I know it is amazing what a person possesses who actually does not do any exercise what so ever – amazing stuff).

Clipped a light to my forehead.  Strapped a Garmin Forerunner thing on my arm and went to meet my new running buddy Alice for a little run.

Granted when she opened her door, and stepped out she looked at me with an expression that could only be interpreted as “what the fek are we thinking…”  But then off we skipped for our little walk/run/stumble.  We did a good hour of sweating and panting and felt like we had conquered the universe single handedly.

I got home and everyone was still asleep – and it was still dark!!

I have NEVER got out of bed by choice – EVER!  So besides being impressed by my ability to do something vaguely exercise related, the fact that I had to leave my warm and snuggly bed to do it, needs an award in it’s own right.

I got home, took a bath – I even made Kennith coffee.  I know the wonders just do not cease in this post.

I checked kids were up and getting ready for school.  I picked out some pretty clothes for Georgia as it was casual day.  I was so the mom from The Brady Bunch … I am sure I heard the theme song in the background.

I headed out the door with my Earl Grey tea in hand on my way to meet Vera – she of hair ripping fame.

Alice had in fact given me two Syndol that I did chew back about 45 minutes before, so all clean, shiny and drugged I was off to meet the infamous Vera.

Vera was all happy – I was all suspicious.  I was nervous she was going to hurt me, so I started to babble uncontrollably – I do this when I start to feel threatened.

I decided to relinquish control of all things body hair to Vera.

I said: “Why don’t I get undressed, I will lie on the bed with a pillow over my face to smother the screams and you can do what ever you think needs to be done.  The less you tell me the better … how does that sound to you?’

Vera said: “Okay, but how much do you want me to leave on?”

Me: “Let me leave that decision to you – I will not ask what you are doing, and I will not tell you what to do – let me just lie here and act like I am somewhere else, and let’s see how it goes.”

And well, off it went.  Vera worked like a bomb – I think she started with a set of boundaries, but then abandoned them at some point.

There were no social boundaries – and absolute no nook or cranny that Vera did not find.

She EVEN waxed my arms – hairy gorilla arms solved.  I did not realise the problem could go away that quickly.  I cannot tell you how elated I am.

At one point when she was spreading my butt-cheeks I did feel like I was in a scene from Prison Break, but seriously when I say that was the least of the “body invasion” moments I really mean it was the LEAST OF THE PROBLEMS I had to face.

I do not want to lie to you – it was not the best most fun morning I have ever had, it definitely hurt a bit, but it was not as bad as I anticipated.  Vera left me with two eyebrows (also waxed into shape) and the hair on my head.

I think I have found my new BFF ……. when I tell Kennith about my waxing experience, his question was “Did she wax your back?”

WTF?

Seriously that was his question … now I am embarrassed that I have a hairy back when I did not realise that was even an issue.

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13 Comments

  1. Charms

     /  September 9, 2010

    Hello,

    I found an amazing product that may help you with re-growth. It’s called Fino and you can get it at Dischem. I also struggle with really fast growing, tough hair. When I started waxing, I’d get in grown hairs when they started growing back – really unpleasant and painful. This product helped a lot!

    No matter how sore it is when it grows back, just keep waxing (every 4 or 5 weeks). The hair softens and it really becomes worth it. I’m 2 years down the line and I’ll never shave again! It’s wonderful to be hairless 🙂

    Enjoy
    Charms

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  September 9, 2010

      I really must spend more time at Dischem – people are always recommending products that can only be obtained at Dischem. I need to get over my aversion to this store. I will go and take a look as right now, I need anything that will work. I am really committed to this waxing thing, as shaving is just not working for me on any level what so ever. I am really in love with my hairless arms!!!

      Reply
  2. 😆 Brilliant – I hope it’s not too rough when it starts growing out again.

    I remember before my first ever leg wax (that my mom gave me a gift voucher for – I mean who does that to a loved one?!) I asked the lady to do a test patch so I could see how much pain we were talking about. Then I went and bought the biggest bottle of booze next door, drank one third and let her try again, then drank another third and let her try again. At that point I was comfortably numb and passed out so that she could get on with it. Halway through the silly cow woke me and gave me a refund…apparently she was scared I would die on the table.

    Reply
  3. hahahahahaaaaaa this is what I needed on a monday! You are a brave brave hairless woman!!!!

    Reply
  4. Jackie

     /  September 6, 2010

    I had to laugh, me being a morning person, I am up each and every morning this time to trudge my 25 minute walk to catch dreaded public transport in dark (that is before 6am) but I could so relate to the grudge you uttered at the start of the run – fortunately I don’t have to face another human being till about 5h30 in the morning so I have calmly eased into the day by then. Waxing – you there on your own, I think I would never be able to deal with the pain that would endure – I can’t even handle an injection 🙂

    Reply
  5. Well done on the run 🙂 That really is epic! Early morning starts always seem to make the mornings calmer!

    I am still in the “hit snooze 6 times, then run around like a maniac telling everyone to hurry cos THEY are late” phase

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  September 6, 2010

      I permanently live in the snooze button phase – but right now getting up in the morning and attempting a run is much less stressful than trying to do it in the evenings when I am juggling kids and kids and well kids ….. was out again this morning … there is something rather self-satisfying about it though … I am all chest swollen and vain with my achievement!

      Reply
  6. Tanya

     /  September 6, 2010

    Jeez Celeste, you almost make me want to go for a wax! Has ‘XYZ hairoff’ put you on the payroll?!! Okay now my f…y is itching. Definitely your fault.
    Not that razor action alternating with Veet in places it was never meant to go is really working for me…

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  September 6, 2010

      Let me add a post when it starts to grow back and then we can all have a good chuckle …

      Reply
  7. LOL!!! I have never EVER allowed someone else to wax me (other than doing a lip wax which is about the amount of pain I can handle) . I once did one leg out of pure curiosity and never ever have I done so again! I shave my legs about once every 3 weeks and my underarms maybe twice a week (if my husband is lucky lol) and the bikini area gets a trimming before december holidays lol. I am however very diligent when it comes to my eyebrows… if I don’t do them once a week, I start looking like an East European Dodgeball player …. 🙂

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  September 6, 2010

      Ally I have serious hair growth genes – I need to shave each day else it is a pointless exercise. I normally would not have agreed to this rather odd state of affairs, but things had got a tad dire. At the moment I am feeling very sleek, very aero-dynamic and thinking of taking up swimming so I can swim like the “Man from Atlantis!”

      But if you told me a month ago I would have done this, I would have laughed my arse off – but here we are ….. my friend reminded me that I am going to itch when my hair grows back …. that was a disturbing idea!!!

      Reply
      • LOL! If I EVER venture into that dept I’ll let you know…but for now I am happy with my slightly hairy body hehehe

        Reply

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