So I am still holding on to the clothes…

For fear of dragging this rather old and very worn subject out into the sunlight again, please bear with me as I ramble through this one.

I have a ton, an absolute ton of baby girl clothes that I just cannot bring myself to give away (no matter how good or charitable the cause is).

Isabelle had so many baby clothes that some of them did not get worn, and being on the tubby side of sixteen months, she has outgrown a lot of them.  Some of them still have the labels on them, and the piles in her cupboard are piling up to the point where it is difficult to close the door.

Just to put it into context, I shop at the cheaper retail chains, and often pop in during sale time, so I get a lot of bang for my buck, and really love the allure of pink.

I have kept most of Isabelle’s things, barring a few bags I donated off to charity.

I can’t lie, the reason for my holding on to the cloths was that I was convinced that we were going to look at adopting a fourth child.  My mind’s eye had a girl featuring in full technicolour, and she would need a wardrobe!

My friend recently told me she was pregnant.

I thought fantastic – when she announces she is pregnant with a girl, I will then use it as a cleansing exercise and happily hand her a truckload of clothing which she can choose to use or to pass on.  She will be delighted, and I will have some sort of “open yourself to the universe” moment.

She then told me she was having a boy and she is super thrilled.  I am happy for her – but clearly I can’t give her the girl’s clothes. Not unless her child is going to dress like a fairy and be called Humperdink.

So I am back to a cupboard full of clothing.

I know part of the reason for the hoarding is that I am still (yes, I know still) waiting on Kennith to change his mind and give in to my fourth child laments – which I do not talk about out loud, but the conversation does go on in my head pretty much all the time.

I also appreciate that a final ruling on this matter has already been made.  But as you can well see, my inability to absorb information that I do not want to hear is operating at full capacity.  (insert image of little girl with fingers in ears going la-la-la-la-la here)

I know they are only clothes in plastic bags in the cupboard.  But they are starting to become something (even if it is only to me) symbolic and they are starting to be more than just clothes in a bag, albeit it several bags (I realise you can hear me popping the Zoloft blister pack right here ….)

So I am still holding on to the clothes, because I am not ready to part with them.

This morning I was chatting to a good friend whose wife is 14 weeks pregnant – I asked if they had found out the sex of the baby and whether they would tell me.

He said he would and she is pregnant with a girl – I am so thrilled, but now I face the quandary of my own design. I literally started to have a little panic at the thought of giving them the clothes …. so I just said nothing, other than the congratulations part, and let’s get together to celebrate.

Do I give her all these baby girl clothes, or do I sit quietly and push the already bursting cupboard closed a bit harder?

I spoke to another friend just after that email who is looking at starting the adoption process for themselves.  I then thought: well why don’t I just keep these clothes and I can then give it to her – assuming she is going to have a girl, as then I would have another 6 – 9 months to hold on to the clothes in the cupboard.

So I am still holding on to the clothes.

My reluctance to let go of these clothes, and my inability to let go of this “thing” is clearly a sign of impending doom and may result in another brutal conversation under the harsh kitchen lights.

So I am still holding on to the clothes.

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5 Comments

  1. Joyce

     /  October 7, 2010

    Whichever way my friend, hold onto those clothes!!!!!

    J-xxxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply
  2. Mandy

     /  October 7, 2010

    So, I had my first little girl and really splashed out on all the pretty pink “girly” clothes, packed them all away as she was growing out of them. Put it all into black bags in the cupboard and roof “just in case we have another little girl one day”. Fast forward 4 years and another little cookie arrived! yay!! Bring out the nice clothes from number 1 and it was so exciting going through everything again. But now number 2 is also outgrowing these and I just can’t bear to part with all these clothes. Meanwhile I can get a pair of white leggings or a pink babygrow anywhere these days, but I have to hold onto these precious items. Why why why? I am certainly not planning on having anymore kids. I don’t think. I don’t even feel that I want to give them to my expecting friends, they can buy the things themselves is my attitude and if I give my things to them they will just give them away when finished. So why do that? Really need to have a good few glasses of wine and do a thorough “uit gooi” at the same time.

    Reply
  3. Why not keep a few of the special items and give/keep some for the girls to play with.

    Kiara has alot of her old clothes that she now dresses her dolls in. I kinda like it 🙂

    Reply
  4. reluctantmom

     /  October 6, 2010

    It is not the giving that is the problem …. it is the letting go that I am struggling with.

    Reply
  5. Tania

     /  October 6, 2010

    Good Luck for that under the kitchen lights meeting! 🙂 I always seem to be the person handing on boys/girls clothes to someone, it would be nice if someone would hand clothes to me for my kids… keep the really precious outfits, for memories, give the rest to someone who needs it… someone that is like me and would have appreciated the guesture.

    Reply

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