Officially a Mrs …….

One of the issues I had to throw around in my head when getting married was whether to keep my surname or take Kennith’s.

The other was whether 16 years is really sufficient in terms of courtship and whether we should not rush it, and wait a while.

Kennith and I got married last year July in case you were not aware, or are new to the blog.  We got married on our “16th” anniversary, 3 kids present, I wore white, we had wine being served while the ceremony was going on, it was that sort of wedding.

I can honestly say it was not an easy decision, but one fraught with imaginary potholes and other traumas, for me.

For Kennith it seemed “logical” that I would take his surname and just flip mine aside, like a giddy new bride.

I did in the end decide to take Kennith’s surname.

Part of the reason was that I would carry the same surname as my kids.

The other part of the reason was that I knew it was important to Kennith.

I really did not want to lose my surname.  It was part of me.  The part I recognised.

It was not quite right to make my surname a double barrell surname as I would still be “different” from the kids and Kennith, so that would sort of defeat a certain part of the exercise.

I settled somewhere in between where I could feel comfortable.  I opted to take his surname, and go through a name change so that my surname became my third name.

<note, this really confused home affairs officials, and their foreheads get a crease, and they need to call a supervisor over to deal with it……>

I also decided to keep my “surname” until my new ID came into play.

Then it was official.

I got my new ID today. Suffice to say the photo is this side of hideous.  It is pretty bad.

But I have it and I have my new name.  So I plan to use it from today onwards and also alter my signature.

I know to a lot of people this would appear to be an insignificant day and really not something to even fuss about.  But I am my name, or my name is me.  Well that is how I feel to a certain degree.

And today I have a new name.  According to South African Home Affairs at any rate.

<I stood in the queue today and there was a woman in the queue behind me who insisted on playing/fiddling with my hair.  I was too mortified to tell her to stop!>

Leave a comment


  1. Well yes, I also wanted to keep my own name and then payed and account for hubby when we were engaged that nearly landed us in court because the surnames were wrong – so well, I changed the surname. That’s it.

  2. Congratulations? 🙂 but the woman with your hair? freaky! I would say, “would you please stop doing that?” as I had to once with a man standing too close. this is another of my pet peeves – people don’t know about personal space!

  3. That’s huge. I’m not even sure if it’s a congratulations moment? I spoke to my therapist about the name change scenario and finally made the decision to change my name. I carry around two ID books (even though there’s no longer a need to do so…). My original ID pic was taken when I was 18 (it’s so lovely and young), my “new” name ID is horrible and hazy and I look as though I was just released from some institution.

    I still work under my original name and sometimes miss it because it was shorter and easier to spell (3 letters!). Now I have a longer surname and still have to spell it (how I envy Smith or Jones).

    Have fun wearing your new name 🙂

    • reluctantmom

       /  August 23, 2011

      This new name thing is quite a … .well thing …… I am glad I am not the only one who struggles with the concept.

  4. Gogga

     /  August 23, 2011

    It is a BIG deal, It took me 5 years and many reluctant filling in of many forms before everything was “signed” over.
    I did drop my maiden name completely and all this happened on 05.11.2009. Still sometimes find myself signing my old signature.

  5. Kiki

     /  August 23, 2011

    I am disturbed by the woman playing with your hair! WEIRD!!! You have great hair but it is just not socially acceptable to play with strangers hair…

  6. Coco

     /  August 23, 2011

    Congratulations! I opted for a double barrel. Our daughter has my husband’s surname only. I can understand the importance of a name, as in the end that is all that you have, just your name. Was it a book about the Salem witch hunts that ended with the guy saying they can take everything but they can not take his name? He obviously has not heard of the SA Home Affairs Department. O before I forget, I think you should consider washing your hair!

  7. Scared & Imperfect Mother

     /  August 23, 2011

    Congrats Mrs Rm. Im not even close to getting married and that issue is already in my mind as my children have diferent surnames. The eldest has mine and the youngest her fathers. I possibly opt for Coetzee-Nortje or just get Db to adopt Amandalynn and change hers. Who knows.

  8. joanne

     /  August 23, 2011

    I can drink to that! I can drink to anything… but lets drink to that! Congratulations


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