So the other day at the crazy house ….

Okay so the truth is that I have been at a “mental” or “psych” or “place to get a little rest from real life with a nurse’s emergency button and a rather large assortment of medication” (use the one you feel most comfortable with) clinic for the past two weeks.

The posts you have been seeing are posts I wrote some time ago that I cleverly put on “schedule” so they pop up religiously.

Ah yes, the measures I go to keep up my facade.

Yes, I know, I am a total fraud!!

I have been without internet access (to a large degree by choice), for the better part of two weeks.

I have also been doing something they call occupational therapy but I like to refer to as “lick and stick.”

I will make a confession. I have done decoupage. Mosaics.  I made boxes out of card. I made bath salts.  I made a set of coasters – a mosquito got stuck in the gloss stuff I put on top.  The irony was the coaster said: “It is not where you have been that matters, it is where you are going…”

There is a long and sordid reason why we need to do these things – something about self esteem and concentrating on the here and now, yada, yada.  The bizarre thing is we shuffle in to the room like lambs to the slaughter.  Everyone dons plastic aprons, and then sits down and obediently does the task at hand.

It is wildly bizarre.  But there I was crafting …. I know, the horror!!

<I secretly enjoy it>

That being said it has altered my misconception that the only people who do arts-and-crafts wear hemp, eat organic tomatoes and home school.

I have sat in some awe-inspiring group work sessions, and learnt about myself and a few other people that “might” have changed my perception of the map of my world

The clinic is very nice.

They feed me every two hours.  EVERY TWO HOURS.

They ring a bell when the food is ready.  The result is that the bell rings, you salivate, you walk over to the food area, and start dishing up food whether you are hungry or not. (Can you say Pavlov’s dog…..)

They give us meds and we have to stand in a queue (not dissimilar from One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest)

The lady who sleeps in the bed next to me asked me how the bath works ….. I had to show her how the plug worked and the taps. (I have no idea what that was about either).

On occasion when you are fast asleep, in the middle of the night, a nurse will come and shine a bright torch in your eyes.  When you awaken dazed and confused she will ask you if you are sleeping …..I am too stunned to question this behaviour.

Again I have no idea what that is about.  Personally I think the nurses dare each other in the nurses station to go and f*k with the patients, and who ever loses paper-scissors-rock has to go and do a dare.

That is the only explanation I have for this behaviour.

I met a lovely friend who was convinced that Mr Delivery was smuggling drugs in via sandwiches.  Drugs that only the nurses were taking.  It was difficult to argue that logic there, as I do think there is a fine line between the patients, the staff and the visitors.

I though the one guy was a visitor, until I realised I had seen him for three days, and he was still wearing slippers.  That alone qualified him as a patient.

<I don’t wear slippers. I wear boots, no matter what the occassion>

The over-riding fact was that a Mr Delivery Man had not actually entered the premises in the two weeks I had been there.

So far (one of) my favourite conversations have been:

Patient A: Are you are on Facebook?

Me: Yes, actually.

Patient A: You must hook up with me on Facebook and we can be friends.  My name is ****** you can find me there if you look.

Me: Er okay (knowing full well that I wasn’t going to, as they frown on patients fraternising with each other.)

Patient A:  We can be friends and chat, and then go out for coffee and I will take you to McDonalds.

Me (getting excited that I was being asked out on a date): Cool that will be great.

Patient A: …. little crease on his brow ……..leans over really close ……… Are you married?

Me: Actually, yes.

Patient A: Well in that case, never mind. (and continues to read his book.)

Me….gutted …….

It has been a difficult two weeks, and I have not always had the most lucid of moments, but I have spent a lot of time with a very nice psychiatrist and a divinely lovely psychologist who are helping me work through my stuff.

<Let’s just say it is a lot of stuff>

I have enough meds to make me appear vaguely normal.

I had a hand tremor that was a bit disturbing but has subsided.  Fortunately there are no signs of anal leakage, so that is a definite up!

The laundry charges R1.00 to wash/iron and fold one item.  Best deal in town.  I am starting to send them not dirty stuff just for the joy of the experience.

Today I am doing a desensitising exercise and am sitting in a public place for two hours and trying to stay aware of “the present” rather than panicking that I might panic because I have panicked before, and because I have panicked before, then obviously I must panic now, and then I panic.

I am attempting to drink a pot of tea.  I am attempting to take deep even breaths.  I am attempting not to look like I am having a total nervous breakdown.

I am trying to not have a total freak out because there is noise and people.  I am also abusing their wi-fi connection (as I have been away from web access for two weeks, and well somethings we just crave….).

I am due back in a few minutes, so have crammed a bit into my few hours of “appearing normal.”

I might also risk going to Clicks and buying a 2-for-1 special (something for some reason I have a totally unreasonable aversion/fear/phobia about).

So that is me.

How have the rest of you been in blogland?  What’s new, what’s happening?

Leave a comment


  1. Scared & Imperfect Mother

     /  September 20, 2011

    Chick. Thinking of you and cannot wait for your return. Hope you are doing well and the arts and crafts are going good. Hopefully some one at least got some wine and chuckles for you – maybe just chuckles.

    We miss you and hope you doing okay and will return to us soon.

  2. Spirited Mama

     /  September 14, 2011

    Hey RM

    Hope you feel better soon. Been missing your posts but glad to see you’re almost back in full force.

  3. thelma

     /  September 13, 2011

    HELLO, i hope that you are feeling much better and who does not need to take time out under these circumstances. i know that you are a strong person and only wants the best for her family but in these times you need to be strong for you! i am thinking of you and sending you a BIG HUG!!!

  4. Welcome back girl! I really hope that you have hit a better space and I totally love crafts and do not dress in hemp and the such.

    Ag what can I say – sometimes I think I need something like that just to keep standing too. Hec, even a nights great sleep would help.

  5. Coco

     /  September 10, 2011

    WTF! They feed you every two hours, you get to lick and stick to your hearts content and they give you happy pills??? Where the hell is this place, why haven’t I been invited??? Seriously, glad to hear you are working through your s#$%, may your s@$* become manure and may only the most beautiful flowers grow from it!

  6. Gina

     /  September 9, 2011

    Miss your posts. Very happy to see an update today; pretty much made my day.

  7. Jenny

     /  September 9, 2011

    You make me laugh. Hope you sort your shit (kind of cos it does make you funny) and of course laughed even harder that only moms would get jealous of your stay in a nuthouse! Seriously though C, I think I need some time in one of those places – putting it on my to do list. Although arts and crafts, presumably without something pointy to cut with… not sure…

  8. Missing you! xxx

  9. sounds exactly like the retreat I visited a short while ago…the characters there made my stay worthwhile

  10. Kiki

     /  September 9, 2011

    We are really missing you!!! But so glad that you are able to have this time to sort out what is going on in your life and head.

  11. Bevan

     /  September 9, 2011

    Only you can make your stay in an institution sound hilarious.
    You’ve got a wicked sense of humour, please make sure that they don’t medicate that away.
    So now Kennith’s free to watch as much RWC as he likes? I’m coming over.

  12. Angela

     /  September 9, 2011

    I can so relate to you! I too have 3 kiddies the youngest of which is 6 months old (our surprise!)and the eldest being 7 and in grade 1, sometimes I believe that I will totally lose it – I dont know what I would have felt like without my happy pills LOL

  13. Colleen

     /  September 9, 2011

    I was wondering what had happend to you! Was noticing we hadnt had any sings of life recently. Truthfully, I was wondering if you had chosen to take a timeout and try get yourself back towards yourself…

    I am glad to hear you are safe and that you are “secretly” enjoying your arts and crafts group. I enjoy it for the fact that it’s all you’re focused on. While you’re cutting up mosaic tiles and trying to figure out the layout etc you are only focused on that 🙂

    Haha, you know you gotta be crazy to deal with crazy. Shame and you so almost had a date! I am sure Kenneth will take you for a mcflurry to celebrate your release?

  14. So glad you’re doing what you need to take care of yourself.

    And also a tiny bit jealous of all the free time 🙂 (joke!)

    Hope your kids are well too.

  15. Hilary

     /  September 9, 2011

    I dunno what to say. My first thoughts were ‘what the hell’s she doing in the loony bin? is this a joke? does this mean the blog’s coming to an end?’ Talk about being self absorbed. I’ve been checking in regularly and getting p’d off cause there’s nothing new. Thinking you’re off having a merry time with not a care about the people you’ve hooked on your blog. Jeesh this sounds hectic, I can actually hear the twilight sound music in the background. Hope the kids are ok? .

  16. Jems

     /  September 9, 2011

    Glad to hear you are working through your bad stuffs.

    Missing your posts.

    Follow the yellow brick road chickie-boo x

    Jo-Anne – I will vote for your. I mean it is a cow after all!!!!!

  17. Sharon

     /  September 9, 2011

    You have been on my mind all week, I suspected that your long silences peppered with intermittent blog postings where due to your “vacation”. I have missed you C!
    So glad that you taking care of you and focusing on getting well.
    Missing our Skype chats! Chat when you’re back.

  18. I missed you.

  19. I like the craft idea… and the idea of escaping for a few weeks, although I bet it’s been really hard being away from everyone.
    Hope you get home soon. One step at a time.
    In the words of Wenchy… I wish you enough

  20. Again, you make it sound like fun! 😉
    Hope it helps, and take all the time you need!

  21. countesskaz

     /  September 8, 2011

    I’d like to say that I’ve been wondering where you are and the thought of you “taking two weeks rest” did cross my mind. Have missed your blogs.

    I don’t know. take it easy. one step at a time.

    sending happy thoughts from the Eastern Cape. Deep in the rural area. Where thorn trees grow and things happen slowly….

  22. Seriously missing you. How are the kids doing?

  23. How do you get in? I can make my one eye twitch. Will bring slippers too, just in case.
    The nurses: Put a bucket of water above your closed door. Should sort that out. Have you seen “Girl, Interrupted”? Go get it. Angelina Jolie & Winona Ryder & Brittany Murphey in crazy house. PS Make me a scented candle.

  24. I will start a folder on my mail called “Demotivationals and C&H for RM when she gets back from the funny farm” and get stuck into filling it.

    Get well chick. You are missed. More than you realise. X

  25. I was thinking about you today – was missing you as much as someone misses someone they have never met.

    I am actually a tad jealous you have had 2 hours of calm from the daily chaos of school runs etc etc.

    Enjoy it – heal, learn, craft – whatever it takes to get back to where you need to be.


  26. Loretta

     /  September 8, 2011

    Crafting! Oh my greatness! What have you done to deserve this? Hope you better soon!

  27. Jo-Anne Donaldson

     /  September 8, 2011

    I was wondering where the feck you been!! Haha! Glad you sorting stuff out!

    Not much happening. Another cow up for grabs @ National Braaiday but I’m not even gonna bother to enter! I refuse to join “vote for me” sites! I rather buy a friggin cow!! Or just keep on dreaming about having my own cow! Grrr!!

    I also had a tampon up my nose today! (For shits and giggles!) Go have a look when you feeling blue!

    Hope you feel at least 80% soon! Missing you all over! (Feck I sound like a heartbroken lover! Haha!)

  28. I like that saying on the coaster 🙂

  29. Hectic lady!
    Glad you are taking the steps to feel better.
    Can I send my laundry there??

    • Charne

       /  September 9, 2011

      Chick – I have been thinking of you so much these last weeks and wondering how they were treating you on the “inside”. I figured that you would probably be deprived the joys of the internet.

      Glad you doing ok and enjoying the arts and crafts (I say the arts and crafts bit with a deep frown across my forehead…………………)


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