Disturbing moment in the bathroom this morning….

Georgia calls an adult to come and wipe her bum.

Yes, she is six and should have this sorted, but I am a bit “anal” about this sort of thing.  I really want to die a small death when I see brown streaks on kid’s underwear, and then I start to doubt all sorts of other things regarding their personal hygiene.

I “prefer” not “like” to wipe my kid’s bum.  Connor gets the odd quality check, and Georgia is just too distracted to take care of this task effectively.

Yes, there I said it!  I wipe my kid’s arse and she is 6!

This morning Georgia is calling me “Mommy, come wipe my bum!”

I wanted to finish a sms as I was trying to get Connor invited to a playdate with his friend and had left it until the last moment.

I was trying to sms, and get ready for work, and put the nappy on Isabelle’s playdog.  I was really multi-tasking.

I was a bit delayed and Georgia was now starting to scream: “MOMMY COME AND WIPE MY BUM!  MOMMY! MOMMY!”

I finish the sms and walk down to the bathroom.

The scene that appears before my eyes is Georgia with her pants down by her ankles.

She is standing and sort of bending over, and still screaming for me.

She has a red toothbrush in her right hand and appears to be aiming for her arse.  (I am not sure if
it was aiming towards an action or returning from an action.)

The toothbrush belongs to her sister.

I then utter the words no parent wants to in this situation: “What exactly are you doing with that toothbrush near your bum?”

I yank the toothbrush out of her hand.  I wonder if I should throw it away or smell it.

I grab some toilet paper, release a loud sigh, and then attempt to wipe her bum.

I did notice a rather “concerning” brown streak that run  from her bum crack up her back.  Not dissimilar
to one a toothbrush would make, for instance.

I used a wet wipe to assist.

I then snarled at her, and sort of begged her not to use  toothbrushes if ever there was a toilet emergency.

I silently admonished myself for not being faster on my sms.

There are a few issues that remained and might not be  resolved today.

  1. Has Georgia done this before?
  2. Has she ever touched my toothbrush while  bleating for me to come and attend to her?
  3. How wise was it to put toothpaste on the very same toothbrush for Isabelle about 12 minutes later?
  4. Is it an evolutionary trait that one becomes less overwhelmed by faeces once one has children?

<The King of England used to have a “Groom of the Stool” whose role was to sit with the King while he did his various body ablutions, and then attend to the ‘clean and swiping’ part because clearly the King would not do this… it was a real honour to be the Groom of the Stool, as you were clearly privy to intimate moments with the King …. true story really!>

Leave a comment


  1. Diana

     /  September 25, 2011

    Okay, what I really, REALLY don’t get, is brushing your baby’s teeth with a toothbrush that might have been full of feces at some stage…? Seriously?

  2. LoriF

     /  September 22, 2011

    Soooo happy to see you are back and still able to make me almost drop my phone I am laughing so hard! Plse buy that girl a new toothbrush, or maybe a round of brushes for the family and keep on taking care of youself. Big hug!

  3. Ilse

     /  September 22, 2011

    I guess it is a bit selfish of me to say “I’m glad you’re back!!”

  4. countesskaz

     /  September 22, 2011

    very funny. I still wipe my 6 year olds bum. just to ensure cleanliness as well. when to stop? i don’t know.
    the joys of poo-ing. I also often have that: “mommy come wipe my bum” statement ringing through the house! or: “mommeeeeeeeeee I’ finished!”

  5. Scared & Imperfect Mother

     /  September 22, 2011

    hahahahahaha – Celeste go and bye your poor baby a new tooth brush.

    I will pretend that I did not read the “How wise was it to put toothpaste on the very same toothbrush for Isabelle about 12 minutes later?” just as long as we all pretend I wont try doing something like that.

  6. Charne

     /  September 22, 2011

    Poor Isabelle! Please don’t let her see this post when she is older.

    P.S – maybe stop at the shop on your way home from work and get Isabelle a new toothbrush, you might want to rethink how “accessible” toothbrushes are in your bathroom…….just to err on the safe side.

  7. Oh this is funny:-) When are you going to stop wiping her bum?

  8. I think for as long as I live I will never be comfortable with poop. Even dealing with dirty diapers now still makes me gross out. If I can avoid it I will though.
    As for the toothbrush? Ummm, well the evidence kinda suggests she might have had a little moment with it. I reckon Isabelle probably didnt notice. 😉

  9. A few months ago you posted about dropping everything to run when a kids bum needs wiping… advice I myself now follow diligently, perhaps you should seek that post out 😉

  10. I haven’t laughed this much in a long long time. I don’t think I will ever look at a toothbrush the same way again

  11. Spirited Mama

     /  September 22, 2011

    “Groom of the Stool” REALLY????

    No thanks, I’ll rather make a sign and stand at a traffic light!

    Note to self – Put tootbrushes up high where Joshua can’t reach them


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