Jimmy Carr is in Cape Town – bless his skinny, shiny tight suit, and dapper hairstyles arse.

Kennith was generous enough to spend the children’s school fee money for a term on a set of tickets for us.  We sat in row K.  Row K is close enough to see the blush on Jimmy Carr’s cheeks and foundation on his chiselled jaw line, but not too close to be randomly picked on by him.

I love Jimmy Carr.  His straight-faced humour, that senseless joking and his very off-key way of delivering a one liner joke.  He has the ability to make me laugh and then recoil in disgust in the same joke.  He is talented like that.

His jokes do not do well repeating.  What makes them funny is the way he delivers it, and the look on his face at the end of the joke.  He sometimes has this little chuckle, which is as funny as his joke.

Loved the concert, enjoyed nearly the two hours I spent in his company.

What I enjoyed less was the 5000 people at the Grand West Arena.  4 950 of those had paid their money and were happy to sit there and be entertained by someone who was clearly a well-trained and experienced comedian.  That is sort of why we parted with our hard-earned cash and ate a bad takeaway as we rushed from work to the show.

What I got instead was 50 yobs who thought that it was “really funny” and kept throwing random comments out.  Stupid stupid hecklers whose sole function was to scream at Jimmy Carr in the hope, the desperation that they might be able to share the stage or the spot light with him for just a few seconds of their rather sad and really pathetic lives.

I love a clever witty heckler, it livens up the show – actually it is what made Julius M even funnier.  He had one guy who asked a question in an interview, and Julius treated him like a heckler.  And then had his body guards frog march him out – that is how you should treat a heckler!

But Jimmy is a polite guy at heart.

There was the girl who wore large PINK GLOVE HANDS who sat in row E or F and kept trying to catch his attention.  She also started to tell two jokes – out loud, in desperation.  I mean really What the Fuck are you thinking – and more importantly are you not getting enough love at home that you feel you must come to an arena and try to get it there.  Get counselling!!!

I felt an overwhelming urge to shove my hand – inside her stupid pink glove – down her fat throat, just so she would shut up and then I could hear Jimmy, who I had paid to hear and not her stupid voice.  She was really taking my happy buzz away.

There was guy behind me in row M or N who insisted on screaming random words out.  Fuckn hell this guy was desperate to be noticed … he kept doing it.

I think if he just stood up and in a loud voice said: “Jimmy I will bl*w you after the show, call me on 083 666 6666” that might have been more effective and then at least he would have stopped – the guy not Jimmy.  That way he could have got his 15 seconds of fame, Jimmy would have used it as a line in a joke, and the guy would have finally shut the fuck up.

So the thirty to fifty odd people kept screaming random things out – in the hope it would be interpreted as a great heckle and Jimmy Carr would take them on.  You know, cross swords in the arena of Gladiators that is the World of Comedy.

Jimmy’s show does allow for “audience participation” – but audience, you also need to realise when those times are, and when to leave Jimmy to just do his thing..

The audience kept interrupting him at the one point, and it totally lost his joke, which he was in mid-sentence with.

The hecklers did not stop – and you could imagine them knocking their friends with their elbows or winking at their mates going: “I”m funny huh, I’m funny huh…. see I can go a few rounds with Jimmy”

Two fantastic moments was when one audience member Simon had to go on stage and he had to read a joke with Jimmy.  The card Simon was given said “audience member” and then the blurb he had to read – clearly because they did not know that he would be Simon and “audience member” is sort of all encompassing.

Simon, bright boy from Table View, which he was not,  looked at the card – leaned over to Jimmy Carr – and said “audience member” I don’t know what that means or something like that — Jimmy replied with something like “that’s you Fuck Wit!” and that set the tone for young Simon.

Jimmy wanted to interview someone with an interesting job or a South African claim to fame – Jason volunteered.

Let’s just say Jason was left wanting on both those departments.  He seemed so proud of himself, and his girlfriend was totally gasping with excitement.  You know of course Jason will now tell everyone “he was on stage with Jimmy Carr…” when in reality “he made himself a toss infront of 5 000 people at Grandwest and Jimmy Carr just happened to be sitting next to him …”  But I am sure he is a good soul.

I did like the part where Jimmy asked him what his girlfriend was studying and he goes “uhh……. religion or something …..”  it turns out his girlfriend studies Anthropology….and he either had no idea what it was, or did not know the word ….. but it is sort of religion …..

Surprise warm up act – the brilliant and formidable John Vlismis – he was brilliant.

Initially I felt a bit uncomfortable for John –  I was worried he might be eclipsed in the brilliance of Jimmy. Being the opening act for someone of Jimmy’s stature is quite daunting and often supporting acts are not of the same calibre as the bigger acts that follow them, but John was so good – I could have happily spent another 30 minutes in his company.

Happy birthday Cat (who also bounded on stage) – you are too old, to be bouncing around a stage and waving like you are a five-year old!  But you were reasonably funny and held your own for the three minutes you were there.  Nicely done.

Jimmy thanks for the show.  Grand West hecklers, not so much !!

Simon good luck in getting another job selling “the internet….”

<….thanks to Simon for the note …. it was indeed Jason’s girlfriend …… and not Simon’s….>