The next person who ….

The next person who tells me …

to believe and it will be … will seriously get a smack in the face.  With a wet macoroni. I believe it will be “dishes done” – I believe that I it will be “me sleeping until noon undisturbed” … I beleive, it does not MAKE it happen, now bugger off with your khumba-ya-m-lord thinking, it is exceedingly irritating.

to cherish every moment … will be sentenced to fetching my kids from school for a minimum of seven weeks. They can fight over lost juice bottles and who is sitting too close to each other.  If you think that you seriously would like to cherish EVERY freaking moment, do not hesitate to drop me a note and we can work out a pick up and drop off kids schedule.  No worrries. Email now, or forever stop your ridiculous happy bleating.

to just be happy …. will get a rusty spade between the eyes. Fk you and the stupid unicorn you rode in on.  Some times this shit is not happy, and stop making me think everyone is happy — really stop.  Life he is not happy.  Life happens.  You make a plan.  That is the way it is.  Some moments make you smile, some make you cry – you cannot just “be happy” ….

think they are so fkn happy on Facebook and keep giving us sunny updates…. I am so sick of your happy-go-lucky-life-is-super Facebook updates, that I am seriously done.  FB is not actually that much fairy dust, get a life, get a reality check and start status updating that your husband is not as happy as you think/that your child is wetting the bed and they are nine/that your child ran with a limp at the last sports day, or really that you woke up this morning and you were not as sunny as you keep telling us – for goodness sake, do you actually think we believe this amount of “how freaking happy are you” crap?

that good mothers are made …. okay seriously now I am going to ram your head into my venter trailer.  Good mothers are cultivated with great wine and promises of everlasting life, no one, but no one enjoys looking after small children all freaking day long.  It is a fairly repetitive, fairly thankless and actually does not challenge you IQ at all.   Bad mothers are born every day.  We are all crap, and it is about time we started admitting that it was not all wine and roses, but we do what we can with what we have got.  And some days get it right and some days, not so much,

wake up and choose to be happy … will undoubtedly have to swallow 25 of my ante-depressants with two quarts of Captain Morgan, and see if they can call me in the morning.  Now go and be happy somewhere else.

that motherhood is a joy … needs to come the shit over and wipe poo off the side of the toilet seat and argue with a six year old as to why the blue toothpaste is as good as the green one, for the twentieth time this week.  It is not a joy.  It is hard and thankless work.  And it tests you every day as to why you should not run your head through the wall.

I am so sick and tired of these stupid pinterests and facebook status updates that keep telling me how freaking good this deal motherhood.  How good life is.  How happy it all is.

Accept that motherhood is frkn hard.  Accept that some days ramming your head into a wall might be better, or at the very least give you about 8 seconds of silence before the screaming starts again.

It is not all that wonderful, no matter how many happy baby/toddler/couple pictures you post.

Can I please have a shout out from the moms who do it, and think it sucks lemons, but still do it – each and every day – we get through it, and it suck, it sucks rocks, but we get through it, because there is no “do not pass go, do not get collect $200.00” card …. fkn hell – February is a hard month – or is it just me?

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32 Comments

  1. Taryn

     /  February 11, 2012

    Amen Sister! Hear hear and all that. You said it.

    Reply
  2. Neps

     /  February 9, 2012

    My recent fb status read Today’s been one of those days where I think “Oh, so that’s why some animals eat their young at birth”. If only I’d had the common sense to do so. So off to the loony bin I go on Monday. Child free for a week or three.
    yahoo…

    Reply
  3. AAAAAHhhh glad its not only me,, having 3 wild ones does nothing for the soul,, constant struggle, love to sleep more than anything,, also considering tossing FB but just cant, use pinterest as an escape from my mayhem,, and sometimes wonder why I was such a good nanny as I feel like Im such a crap mom!

    but, we are in it for life,, and Im sure it will get better as they get older,,,,,,,IT HAS TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Have a glass for me Celeste!
    xxx

    Reply
  4. Standing ovation! Awesome post – thankyou!

    Reply
  5. julz

     /  February 8, 2012

    Oh and I still love FB. There I said it.

    Reply
  6. julz

     /  February 8, 2012

    Maybe we should make Feb the real mother month and change our fb pics to what a mother really looks like after a long day.

    Reply
  7. julz

     /  February 8, 2012

    Bravo woman for standing up and telling it like it is. Really is. Please understand that if I were to put a real status update on FB like motherhood sucks most of the time, and I was really not cut out to be a mother, and I have no patience with my sweet kid etc etc, I would get such a back lashing that I would require another three years of therapy.

    So in the interests of my financial health and the end of the therapy tunnel or hopefully so shortly, I will not be too honest, but I hope my next facebook updates will make you feel normal, because you are normal.

    Happy, I love my kids and want to look after them all day long and bake them cookies is not normal. Can’t smack them but ever so often you can walk behind them and pretend to beat the living shit out of them or pull one tiny hair out of their head and feel better. That is normal. Or not, but honest.

    Reply
  8. bwahahahaha – love this!!!!

    I choose to be happy today because I have the joy of wiping baby poo off my arm while mopping up dog doo shouting out words for my 7 year old to spell and commenting on my sons bowling – PURE JOY!!!!!!!

    Reply
  9. I just love ” good mothers are cultivate switch great wine…..” spot on girl

    Reply
  10. Amen Amen and Amen. You have put into words what most of us feel. Thank You.

    Reply
  11. Alexandra

     /  February 8, 2012

    I think I love being a mother more when my children aren’t around. Oops did I just type that? But being a mother in theory is a lot nicer than the practise.

    Reply
    • Alexandra

       /  February 8, 2012

      P.S. I’d probably be more vociferous on the topic if I wasn’t taking the pills…

      Reply
  12. Loretta

     /  February 8, 2012

    Amen to that! I can also but just roll my eyes at all the happy bleating on Fb!

    Reply
  13. Hear, hear!!

    Reply
  14. I agree a thousand percent. But I like being a mom too. I think living on a farm with lots of staff helps.(Please don’t throw oranges and eggs at me). I think if I was stuck permanently with two kids alone without help, I’d go off my fakin’ rocker. The questions and the constant guilt is crippling. Awesome post Celeste, touched a chord.

    Reply
  15. Hilary

     /  February 8, 2012

    Amen Celeste. It’s a f*$#ing tiresome job. Most days they suck the life out of you. I hate those magazine pics with the smiling, neatly pressed mum and the well behaved kids. UP YOURS. And why is it that we have to keep up this f*&#ing appearance of having our shit together all the time??? Most times I wanna lock myself in a cupboard or hide under the bed or just cry my heart out. Sometimes I fantasise about getting in the car, going to the bank for all the cash and then to just keep driving into the sunset.

    Then I remember how much I love them and how blessed I am to have them. Then the cycle repeats itself.

    Reply
  16. Charne

     /  February 8, 2012

    December sucked lemons for me!! I was truly wondering how much the gypsy’s would pay for a cute little 16 month old.

    Reply
  17. Sharon

     /  February 8, 2012

    LOL! Oh dear Celeste!
    But I’ll give you a big “Hell YES” motherhood is hard and its filled with a million challenges and it’s exhausting and at times I want to run away. But am I allowed to say that amongst the chaos and the hardship there are moments of such love and beauty that it makes it worth while? For me anyway. Mother of one… who knows how I may feel when I’m a mother of 2!

    Reply
    • Hilary

       /  February 8, 2012

      Sharon when you’re a mother of 2 you’ll ask yourself why you were so greedy to want another. Then you’ll feel guilty because truly you do love and cherish you’re 2nd one as well (I didn’t think I’d feel the same but I needn’t have worried). I think the ‘love’ is not the problem. We do love them. It’s putting up with all the other crap that just make’s you wanna curl into a little ball and sob your soul out.

      Reply
  18. I also hope you dont mind, but I have to reblog this. You have reached into my heart and soul and have posted something I have been trying to post for the last week and have not been able to as I am just too exhausted to do ANYTHING as of late.
    Thank you, Thank you and Thank you again!

    Reply
  19. Carmen

     /  February 8, 2012

    You have my shout out! Every day I find myself wondering, wtf was I thinking!! And I couldn’t have children…I actually paid fkn good money to buy this lot! Just last night, actually 2am this morning, I was wondering whether anyone would notice if I killed the little one…tosser just wouldn’t go back to sleep!

    Reply
  20. Just last nite I had the “Joshua being attached to my hip syndrome again”. I’ve been working late for 4 weeks. I can’t take this shit anymore. I love my family but after a day at the office I really just wanna come home to some peace and quiet. Veg out on the couch and be left alone. Heck, I’ll even skip dinner. My tolerance level is low at the moment, so the constant whining, Mommy this, mommy that, mommy, mommy, mommy is getting to me.

    I’m not on facebook, never been interested ‘cos it all sounded like a load of shit anyway. Now, yuo’ve re-affirmed my thoughts. Fck facebook.

    P.S. Family if you wanna stay in touch or you want pictures – phone or email me direct!

    Reply
    • I have been having the same situation. Work has been killing me lately. Almost emotionally sucking the life out of me. I dont want to come home to moaning 3 year olds and mommy this and mommy that.
      While some people at work are saying thank goodness the work day is over, I’m saying yeah, my day ends at 20h30!!!
      I sometimes just cant do this. I cant and it makes me sad. I have been a wreck for the better part of a month and I wish I wasnt exhausted to the point of nearly passing out!
      That coupled with the excruciating headaches and subsequent bloody nose doesnt help the situation.

      Reply
  21. You have hit the nail on the fucking head. Well said Motherhood is hard and it suxs. As for FB i have just sat here thinking why the fuck am I still on it I cant say how bloody miserable i am because then I have 20 people going aww why and I don’t want them to fucking know I’m not ok. because it sux and I feel this way again. 😦

    A glass of wine for you.

    Reply
  22. Charlotte

     /  February 8, 2012

    My kids are cute and mostly well behave… I also update that parenting is wonderful, because I want myself to believe it…

    ps: Drinking makes it easier… cant believe I skipped out on that for months!!!

    Reply
  23. catluvagp

     /  February 8, 2012

    Hell yes I’ll give a shout out that motherhood is faakin hard, thank goodness for ad’s and spa days.

    Reply
  24. Blue

     /  February 8, 2012

    I agree totally! Hell but it’s hard! As much as I love them (most of the time), most days I am wondering what madness compelled me to have them. I hate the constant power struggles and negotiations. I am a peace-loving person, hate conflict, so this kills me every day. I just have to remind myself that tomorrow is another day, and it will get better. I have told my husband that we will never get divorced, because I just can’t do this alone! No freaking way!

    Reply
  1. We All Need To Be Honest Here… « A Little Less Fluff

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