Morbid fear of social inter course ….

I must confess that my social anxiety is getting worse.  I was hoping that good sense and medication would tame it down a bit.

But jeepers creepers it is so out of control, that I should be wearing a white furry bathrobe and r0cking myself in a corner somewhere.

It is ridiculous.  I know it is so stupid, and a bit creepy actually.

I can rationalise why I should not be anxious or nervous – and it is not like everyone/anyone is out to get me – or are they…… but it does not assist the situation and my brain running off into the most bizarre directions.

My way of coping is that I block out everyone outside of the “immediate circle” I need to socialise with.

Before I go somewhere I work out who will be there, and what I will say {more or less} and what they will say {more or less} and then we go from there.  If it veers from the course I have worked out, then we are all well and truly fkd and odds are something bad will spill from my mouth …..

Add “surprise” people to the mix, and it throws it all on it’s head.  I literally “panic” like Bambi’s mother should have done before that hunter shot her.  Yes, had Bambi’s mom been a bit more socially anxious, we would have had a very different outcome to Thumper and his co-conspirators, just saying.

This weekend I have a wedding to go to.  I have a wedding I want to go to.  I really am excited to go.

Kennith is in Germany/Bolivia/Gibralta {leave the correct one) so I will be going on my own.  I need to be able to drive back afterwards, so wine is not there as a social crutch either.

Can you spell social panic?

I am so looking forward to the wedding, I am  reallyexcited {not sarcasm excited, really excited}.  But the idea that there will be dozens of people and a chance I will need to interact with them in some way, frightening the heabies-jeabies out of me.

I keep talking myself through that it is going to be a wonderful day, and I am so in love with the couple that have decided to get married, and I will be there and I am really thrilled.   It is all about them, and not about me.

But then I feel an overwhelming urge to throw up and my armpits get really moist, and I wonder if I should wear a large sanitary towel so I can feel free to pee in my pants and will, and throw up in a plastic bucket from Mr Price that matches my outfit.

It will be fine.  It will be fine.  Repeat 27 times and if all else fails, drink too much wine, and curl up in the corner with the cat.  Right?

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4 Comments

  1. Sharon

     /  March 13, 2012

    Cabs For Women offer a great, safe and reliable tax service just for women, driven by women, I’d suggest giving them a call, that way at least you don’t have to worry about how much wine you have to drink!

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  March 14, 2012

      Unfortunately/Fortunately the event is out in the Hemel and Aarde Valley (Hermanus world…) so a cab out that way is a bit of a big ask ….

      Reply
  2. Katherine

     /  March 13, 2012

    I have to say that each time I read one of these posts you give me new insights into what some people have to deal with on a daily basis but I also feel so unbelievably sad and sorry for you. Once again I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like. I will continue to hope and pray that things do get better for you.

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  March 13, 2012

      Thanks Katherine – it goes through phases, but maybe when people read about it, they understand themselves a bit better, and do not feel such a “freak” as they realise it is more prevalent than they realise and it is possible to get some help, and not sit there and suffer in silence.

      Reply

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