When you realise you are old ….

I have had this creeping sensation in the last two months and that is that I am really old.  I am not getting old, I am old already.

I turn 40 this year (May actually) and it is all a bit alarming.

I do know the part that “you are only as young as you feel” and “age is just a number” but really that is bollocks.

I am turning 40 and 40 is what I deem as OLD.  The only people who think 40 is not old, are people who are 5o or 60,and really they have their own set of problems!

I have always felt like I was in my 20’s, care free, wrinkle free and just having a fun time, on the way up the hill that is life.

But some how, some way, some where, I pipped over the peak of the hill, and appear to be building up a good head of steam to the other side, where the hill pans out to flat earth — I think it’s called death.

I have realised I am the same distance away from being 60 as I am from being 20.  Which is quite sobering. Or in my case encourages me to not have too many sober moments to think about it.

The reality of my situation has become more apparent to me each day, and there is not much I can do about getting old.  I just feel it with

Soon people will be talking to me loudly and nodding and smiling to what ever non-sensicle thing I utter from my pursed lips, with spittle on the corners, and left over Marie biscuits on my hairy chin.

I was probably the person who remembers 1984 — not just because it is a title of a book, but because I can actually remember being there – CLEARLY.

I watch American Idol on television on occassion and everytime they introduce one of those children they have a birthday somewhere in 1990 … and then I want to kill them, so I have decided no longer to watch it as it depresses me, and the show irritates me.

There is no dignity in getting old. I feel physically sick at the realisation that I am old, and every day that moves forward will make me older, and more likely that my arse will get closer to my knees.

Fk it is all so very depressing, and I am struggling to think “happy unicorns shitting on fairy” thoughts.  I feel bleak.  I feel old.  I feel a bit desperate that this has crept up on me without me realising it.

What is worse than being 40?  I am not sure, but I am fairly sure it includes a bout of diahorrea and a case of athlete’s foot.

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10 Comments

  1. Charles Kinsley

     /  July 22, 2012

    I don’t know what your other replies are, but I’m 59 and I’ve just been treated as invisible for the last 4 years. Don’t treat yourself as old before the rest of the world does. That’s bad enough, believe me. I’m male – perhaps that makes a difference.

    Reply
  2. I turn 40 this year too. in Nov. What freaks me out is that it bothers me. Nothing ever bothers me. I have a bit of a ‘i dont give a fuck’ mentality but suddenly I do and that is horrifyingly unnerving. Also I dont just care about shoes and lipgloss anymore…it appears I have become somewhat introspective!! wtf happened? 😉

    Reply
  3. “Soon people will be talking to me loudly and nodding and smiling to what ever non-sensicle thing I utter from my pursed lips, with spittle on the corners, and left over Marie biscuits on my hairy chin.”

    I started sprouting hair on my chin when I turned 23 yrs old I think? It’s resulted in me being the best pluck in town!

    I had an ‘Age-thingy-Ma-Jig’ breakdown when I turned 35. I suffered age depression for a full 3 years. Last year I sort of got over it. Does this mean I’m going to be raumatised AGAIN at 40? lately I’ve noticed that my twins have dropped a few cms, I have a second tractor tyre around my midriff that is resting on my thighs and privates and my hair is more lank than usual. I also smile knowlingly and smugly at newly weds, newly moms and basically anyone from the age of 20 through to 35. There turn is coming, especially for the above’s V’s gym instructer!

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  4. “Soon people will be talking to me loudly and nodding and smiling to what ever non-sensicle thing I utter from my pursed lips, with spittle on the corners, and left over Marie biscuits on my hairy chin.”

    I’m 38 turning 39 and already have hair on my chin. It started when I was about 23yrs old!

    i had an Age Crisis Thingy Ma Jig when I turned 35. I was depressed about my age for a full 3 years. I decided last year at 38 that enogh was enough.

    Reply
  5. Sharon

     /  March 29, 2012

    I’m also turning 40 this year, in June. Right now I’m focusing all my attention on the rip roaring party I’m planning. I’ll worry about the feeling old part after the party. But I hear you, I’ve started to notice in the last year or so some changes… changes that clearly indicate I’m not 20 anymore!

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  March 29, 2012

      I have an over riding urge to hide away somewhere quietly with my book, a few bottles of wine, and all weekend spa treatment …. me not so into the big party thing.

      Reply
  6. Turning 40 wasn’t so bad for me. I had just got back into shape and we had a rip-roaring party. Then towards the end of that year I got pregnant – PREGNANT!!! And since then I feel as though I have aged about 15 years, even though it has only been about 4. So now I seem to be at the same place as you. Suddenly I look at myself in the mirror and don’t see me as I have always seen me. I see this middle-aged woman. And of course it doesn’t help that I’ve had 2 ‘incidents’ recently which have just pushed me over the top. Going out with a 29 year old friend I was asked if I’m her mother!!!!! And then when joining the gym (in an effort to look better and lose that babyfat) the pipsqueak instructor doing my assessment, when I said I lift a 2-year old a lot, does that count as weightlifting, he asked if it was my grandchild. I suppose in theory it could well be, but really bad timing that!! And this is after he put my dress-size down as 20+. Anyhoo, about that botox…..

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  March 29, 2012

      Thank you for making me laugh – I am not sure if being asked if you are your friend’s mother or whether you are lifting your grandchild is a far worth kick in the guy ….. yes about that botox …..

      Reply
    • hells teeth, I would have moered that pipsqueak’s head clean off his shoulders….(funny though…sorry)

      Reply
  7. Ah, you’re not old. Just older. Welcome (nearly) to the forties! We may have less muscle tone than our younger counterparts and less tolerance to cellulite but who gives a flying monkey really? We do! But we shouldn’t. And that cartoon may be funny (snigger) but it’s awful also. Like men don’t age, gee whizz.

    Reply

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