Driving kids back from school ….

I have lamented this subject before — not too long ago, but cheese and rice seriously I cannot be the only parent who feels that this is really the short end of the stick.  This is the stimoral that gets stuck in the pubic hairs shit end of the deal.

I collect the kids from school most days.

Most days I get about 2 minutes into the drive home with them, and then I already start wondering if I drove headlong in to traffic, could I die, but they live?  I do not necessarily want to off them, but sure as shit I want to make it a sure thing that I do not want to spend an hour inside a car’s interior with three kids screaming.

Today’s things to fight about – included, but were not limited to:

1. Isabelle found easter eggs in her bag and ate them.

2.  Georgia started screaming because she wanted easter eggs and there were none in her bag.

3.  Isabelle threw the foil paper on the floor, I screamed at her, she screamed at me – she won.

4.  Georgia was upset that her flip-flop had ended up between Isabelle and Isabelle’s car door – and wanted me to get it back.  How the shoe got from Georgia’s foot to the other side of the car is a mystery.  I was attempting to navigate through peak hour traffic, so was somewhat distracted.  Georgia screamed she wanted her shoe back, Isabelle screamed as she did not want Georgia’s shoe on her side of the car.

5.  Connor sniffed incessantly.  I passed him a tissue.

6.  Georgia explained to me that she no longer wanted sandwiches for school, she wanted other snacks – I explained to her that she needed to take this issue up with her father as he was now stocking the “goody cupboard.”

7.  Connor explained he had a headached and continued to sniff.

8.  Georgia asked if we could stop dinner half way and then give her medicine, and then continue to eat supper.

9.  Isabelle was holding up her spare pair of khaki shorts, which I packed in her school bag, and screaming at me.  I have no idea why, but she was screaming, and I kept yelling back YES, YES, YES, and still am unclear what it is that she wanted to show me.

10. Connor asked me if I had anything to drink in the car, he was hot and thirsty.  I explained my bar fridge had not been fitted as yet, but I was making a plan as we spoke.

11.  Georgia was complaining she could not open the window and it was Connor’s fault.  Connor was feigning innocence – LOUDLY.

12.  I think that Isabelle was trying to show me the butterfly embroidery on her khaki shorts – I started to scream BUTTERFLIES YES, BUTTERFLIES YES ….. I am not sure exactly what it was that I was meant to be saying.

The thing is that the car drive with the kids finishes me off –  like totally fucking kills me.

I pick them up and always plan “this day will be different” but before I have safely navigated out the school gates it all starts, and then I totally lose the plot.

I know there is a law against using cell phones whilst driving, but clearly who ever made that law has not been a mother in a car full of children.  Trust me, talking on a cell phone would be the least of my problems, if only the kids would be quiet long enough so I could hear what the person was saying on the other end.