A bit lost and found ……

So anyway, I feel like I have fallen off the edge of the earth a bit.  Apologise for not updating my blog, I really have not known what to say.  And I did feel an overwhleming desire to hide my head under my duvet and feel quite sorry for myself.

I am so used to getting up in the morning, screaming at kids, putting my clothes on, brushing my teeth, chasing everyone out, doing the morning drop off and then dashing off to work, and that is where I spend the next 8 – 10 hours of my life.   Frantic.  Chaotic. But generally enjoying what I do.

The last month has left me feeling a bit “lost” – I get up and do all the parts, but then I have no where I have to go.

I know if anyone is a working mom and reading this odds are the thoughts are “enjoy it, go where ever you want….I am so jealous…” and of course it is all very nice not having to be somewhere and rushing there, but at the same time it isn’t.

I need to work.  I really do.  I get to do that heart shaped movement with my forefingers and say “you complete me” when I go to work.

First week of no work I ran around a bit in a frenzy of “fk sake, must find a job, must must must!!!”

Week two was a bit more of the same and running to interviews.

Week three was where the steam ran out of the “little engine that could” and I sort of slumped and felt a bit at a loss of what to do.

End of week three and into week four saw me on the couch vegging and watching Game of Thrones.

Week five saw me relaxing and celebrating my birthday.  My fortieth birthday.  40 puts you as close to 60 as you are to 20, which is past depressing.

Other than the age issue, I had such an incredible birthday weekend.  Relaxing, and a wonderful time.  I spent  it with lovely, generous and funny friends and equally gorgeous wine.  Really just what I needed.

I swore that on the 11 May I would pick myself up and aim myself in a direction and attempt to look wholly committed to something.  Anything.

I have had a touch of flu, so Kennith was kind enough to let me have a sleep in on Friday whilst he took kids to school.  The result was I really committed to a good long sleep until about 2pm – and the 11th got crossed off the list of the day that I got moving.

But this weekend I said, really I am going to get behind something. And. Monday is the day.

I dropped kids off, and then felt that usual funk I get when that part of the morning activities are done, but this morning I decided I am going to put on my big girl panties and get my A in to G.

I got home and then cleaned the garage.

Like wild frantic mad woman garage cleaning.

The one where spittle forms on your chinny chin chin  And you get that slightly deranged look about you.  Just like that.

I sorted out the kids’ tv room and moved furniture around and set myself up a little work nook.  Let’s not call it an office, as I need a drinks fridge and a wine display before I will call it an office.

Haven’t done any work yet, because I am exhausted from cleaning the garage, but I believe tomorrow is another day.