A bit lost and found ……

So anyway, I feel like I have fallen off the edge of the earth a bit.  Apologise for not updating my blog, I really have not known what to say.  And I did feel an overwhleming desire to hide my head under my duvet and feel quite sorry for myself.

I am so used to getting up in the morning, screaming at kids, putting my clothes on, brushing my teeth, chasing everyone out, doing the morning drop off and then dashing off to work, and that is where I spend the next 8 – 10 hours of my life.   Frantic.  Chaotic. But generally enjoying what I do.

The last month has left me feeling a bit “lost” – I get up and do all the parts, but then I have no where I have to go.

I know if anyone is a working mom and reading this odds are the thoughts are “enjoy it, go where ever you want….I am so jealous…” and of course it is all very nice not having to be somewhere and rushing there, but at the same time it isn’t.

I need to work.  I really do.  I get to do that heart shaped movement with my forefingers and say “you complete me” when I go to work.

First week of no work I ran around a bit in a frenzy of “fk sake, must find a job, must must must!!!”

Week two was a bit more of the same and running to interviews.

Week three was where the steam ran out of the “little engine that could” and I sort of slumped and felt a bit at a loss of what to do.

End of week three and into week four saw me on the couch vegging and watching Game of Thrones.

Week five saw me relaxing and celebrating my birthday.  My fortieth birthday.  40 puts you as close to 60 as you are to 20, which is past depressing.

Other than the age issue, I had such an incredible birthday weekend.  Relaxing, and a wonderful time.  I spent  it with lovely, generous and funny friends and equally gorgeous wine.  Really just what I needed.

I swore that on the 11 May I would pick myself up and aim myself in a direction and attempt to look wholly committed to something.  Anything.

I have had a touch of flu, so Kennith was kind enough to let me have a sleep in on Friday whilst he took kids to school.  The result was I really committed to a good long sleep until about 2pm – and the 11th got crossed off the list of the day that I got moving.

But this weekend I said, really I am going to get behind something. And. Monday is the day.

I dropped kids off, and then felt that usual funk I get when that part of the morning activities are done, but this morning I decided I am going to put on my big girl panties and get my A in to G.

I got home and then cleaned the garage.

Like wild frantic mad woman garage cleaning.

The one where spittle forms on your chinny chin chin  And you get that slightly deranged look about you.  Just like that.

I sorted out the kids’ tv room and moved furniture around and set myself up a little work nook.  Let’s not call it an office, as I need a drinks fridge and a wine display before I will call it an office.

Haven’t done any work yet, because I am exhausted from cleaning the garage, but I believe tomorrow is another day.

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15 Comments

  1. Sharon

     /  May 16, 2012

    I was on a two year sabbatical 7 years ago…. there is only so much TV watching while sprawled on the couch a person can do before you slowly begin to loose you mind!
    Hang in there!

    Reply
  2. Coming from someone who was also retrenched two times before, I do understand the urge to be somewhere. The thing where work complete you … I get that. Yes, I also got people being “jealous” because I could drop off the kids and then be at home doing “nothing”, but being retrenched, being jobless is nothing like that. You have that feeling where you want to be “needed” by a company.
    I pray that you get something soon.

    Reply
  3. I can relate to wanting to work. I like leaving home and coming back 8 or 10 hours later after a productive day.

    I know a few weeks off work is amazing, but after a month I would start getting restless. I guess when you have been working for so many years it’s what you know.

    Glad you have an office space sorted.

    Heard a great quote, have no idea by who but it says that things always work out in the end. If things haven’t worked out, it isn’t the end yet.

    Reply
  4. Mmmm…work is what makes play time play time …otherwise my “play time” becomes “obsessive thinking time” which leads to “how about I jump off a cliff time” which is never a good thing. May you find your completion soon.

    Reply
  5. Kennith

     /  May 14, 2012

    Please tell me you have not chucked anything out of my garage!! Your clean ups usually ends up with me having less tools and losing the spare hosepipe i packed neatly into a box in the garage as you term it to be junk. Please tell me you have not chucked out any boxes of stuff!!

    Reply
    • Anita

       /  May 15, 2012

      I went one better and gave Mike’s golf clubs away because they hadn’t been used in years!

      Reply
      • Kennith

         /  May 15, 2012

        That is shocking Anita! On the flip side, it is an opportunity as if he does play a round again he now has a valid excuse to buy a new set!

        Reply
        • Mike

           /  May 15, 2012

          which of curse he promptly did….

          Reply
        • Anita

           /  May 15, 2012

          Which he did… would look stupid living on a golf estate without owning a set! Not that he has played since… we run on the estate regularly, but golf, nah, that’s for our visitors (hint, hint, hint)

          Reply
      • Kennith

         /  May 15, 2012

        I must also give Celeste credit though, as she packed everything that she wanted to chuck out in her bay in the garage for me to double check last night. I only had to save the V-tech console and a Maglite torch. The rest i agreed to part with, even my childhood fussball table (this does hurt a bit though)

        Reply
  6. I missed you so much in a non-stalker kind of way. Just saying.

    Reply
  7. V

     /  May 14, 2012

    Yeah, am rather jealous! Would sooooo love to have some time to get the house sorted out but by the same token I am rather fond of paying the bills, well not the actual process but you know what I mean. I was without work for 2 weeks before I started my current job and must say I got absolutely nothing done around the house, was also in a bit of a funk. Good luck on the job hunting front!

    Reply
  8. One Parent Short

     /  May 14, 2012

    I can relate to almost every word you’ve said here. Damn it’s hard.

    Reply
  9. Yes, I am envious, but I know I would have been frantic as well if I did not have work lurking around the corner… The small issue of bills!!
    Best of wishes to find the perfect job!!

    Reply
  10. Best of luck! And love the quote

    Reply

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