Have I told you how much I hate birthday parties?

I love your children’s birthday parties, but I truly do not enjoy the planning and co-ordination that goes into a birthday party for my children.

I would love for them to have a truly spectacular birthday party.

I would love it more if I have absolutely nothing to do with the planning, and just come as a guest.  I want to be rich enough to employ a party planner, and then give them a large wad of cash, some basics outlines and walk away from the entire matter.

For one, I procrastinate.

I do not get all pinterest and make a huge album of great ideas for birthday parties.

I also think that kid’s birthday parties have lost touch with reality – moms go all out to prove they can throw the best party, either to indicate how much they love their child or to show up moms who cannot order a Happy Meal without forgetting the toy.

It is just all gone on so overboard.  The end result is that you also need to up your game or your party just looks like 2 cupcakes and a cheap candle!!

I barely get in under the wire to book a suitable venue and order a cake on the right day.

Then as I think I am getting some sort of momentum, I put together the invites, and this is about the part where I truly lose what is left of my very delicate mind, and my very thin level of ability to like other people.

What the helvetica is it about parents (yes moms) who cannot RSVP timeously?  Get the invite, decide if you like the child enough to go, check your diary, make a decision, rsvp – easy as shite.

I supply an email and a cell number, so in no way does the person actually have to speak to me.  You can sms or email me anytime.  Even at 2 am.

Really, just a “howzit, see you at the party” or “howzit, sorry won’t be at the party” – less than 144 characters, decision, push and send response should use up less time than it takes you to change a tampon.

But, each and every birthday party is the same shite.  Send invites.  Make it very clear in the best possible language you would appreciate it/love it/offer free blow.jobs if they just rsvp by the date you have indicated.

Usually in bold uppercase, and if you are feeling slightly pissy then you would add italics as well – I have considered attached a LCD light  so the date and time that I am begging for an rsvp for flashes.  Repeatedly.

Even with all of this more than 1/2 the stupid and rude parents do not rsvp.

So, I am stuck wondering if they are just not “rsvp people” and I should still plan for them to be there – you know cover the cost per child, order a party pack and all that, as if they arrive.

It is not the parent who is going to feel like a right chop, but the kid who is going to stand there like “orphan annie with no party to go to” as I go “hey what I surprise, did not realise you were coming, errrrr…………..” , or do I assume that they are “not rsvp people” an dnot coming, but are just rude as fk not to tell me.

Am I the only person this happens to?

Should I take this as a personal slight?  Are my children that unpopular, that parents do not RSVP in the hope that they hold out to see if they get a better invite for the same day?

Every year this crap annoys me, and this year is no less annoying.

Next year Georgia/Isabelle/Connor will be having a “take my two best” friends to a movie and a lunch – pick two friends, and bring them, that is all.

Fk this dozen kids shit.

Do I sound a bit annoyed?  You have no idea!!!  Just RSVP for cheese and rice, what the hell is wrong with you?

<<official club badge, I am president, busy looking for an executive committee, if interested please let me know ….. >> 

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Mommy Bloggers go for Gold …. or just a button ….

So the Mommy Blogger competition is on.

10 lovely mommy bloggers battle it out.  The competition is thinking about narrowing it down to three finalists, they will getogether and the final will be fought out as a mud fight – with actual mud.   It’s like a wet t-shirt competion, but not.

I am really hoping to get to the mud fight round, so if you are keen to see a bit of mud slinging, maybe some foul language, and the likely possibility of someone crying with snot, please pop along and vote for your favourite blogger.  The more votes, the more likely the blogger you would like to see covered in mud, will be.

Easy as that.

You can vote every day.

You can vote from every email address you own.

You can vote for any blogger on the list – we never find out who voted for us or against us, no matter who many times we request to buy the voting panel and results.

You can offer to sell your votes, I suggest sending around a well worded email to all the likely candidates and seeing who takes you up on that offer.  All/Most of us do not make a living from blogging, but for all/most of us, we still want to win so we can sit and smirk in the admiration of dozens.

I, personally, have found a few Facebook pages where you join and then you beg a few hundred/thousand stranges to go and vote for you, and you in turn vote for them.  All a bit creepy, but when the odds are high and one wants to win, well then one must do what one must.

Stop procrastinating.

Stop being so “snoep” with your votes, just click along for goodness sake.

Reasonably quick, and totally painless.

PS: I can neither confirm nor deny whether there will be an actual mud fight! I can however almost promise a bun fight ……