I really hate stick figure families

Do you drive around and see cars with the stupid little “family” stickers on the back window?

A saw a comment on a website recently and thought it was apt: “I see those little white family stickers everywhere…nothing like letting the robbers/kidnappers/child molesters know exactly how many little boys and girls are at your home and whether or not you have a dog for protection or not…how stupid is that! Why not just send them an engraved invitation..”

I really find them quite naff.  I am not suggesting you get a butter knife and go outside and scrape them off your back window, you did not put them on for me, you put them on because you thought they were cool.

I think if I saw one or two of them then they would be novel, but the moment they are selling at every stationery store within a 10km radius is when you realise they are about as original as fuzzy dice.

I am so over the “dad” braaing and the “mom” shopping … I really do not like them.  I don’t hate them, but I think they are a bit naff.  Like mullets are very naff, and home perms are very naff — so that gives you a loose scale of comparison.

Other things I find make me throw up in my mouth a little bit are:

  1. Women who call their husbands “hubbie” – is this so the husband can call them “wifie?”  The phrase that usually tips me over the edge is “Let me just check with my Hubby…” For goodness sake get a vocabulary, or speak like an adult.
  2. When a pregnant person refers to themselves as being preggies or preggers …. really does it take too long to say “pregnant” ?
  3. LOL – I do think that LOL is sort of over.  It has been done, enough – I am at the point where I see a LOL and a cringe a little.  I perceive it a bit like farting in public.  Okay by accident, but if you start doing it to punctuate sentences then your social skills need some serious attention.  Let’s try and use all our consonants and vowels next time.
  4. Personalised baby on board stickers – please shoot me now.  I seriously want to run up to people who think that their baby is the “one true ruler of the universe” and smack them.  Hard.  With my Pick ‘n Pay grocery bag.
  5. We all know how I feel about smiley face icons – or sad faced icons ….. stop, stop, stop using them for the love of gd!!
  6. People who use the phrase “breast is best” and stand there and sing about how wonderful a bonding experience breast feeding is.  Usually oblivious to another mom who is  standing nearby who has been through hell and back trying to breast feed, and it did not turn out to be “best”.  Breast is great, but it is not the only viable option, and lauding your stupid tag line over mothers who have struggled makes them feel pretty shit.  Do you think tweaking the “breast feeding is best” mom’s nipples until they bleed would be too kind a gesture?
  7. People who stop their entire lives when they have a baby.  Everything is about “their angel” sleep time, or nap time, or bath time or what ever the fk time. Get a life.  People have children on the way to the field that they plough, and then continue to plough the field.  Get a grip, get a life, the world he does not stop because you have ejected a human being from your vagina.
  8. Moms who are constantly crooning about how wonderful thier child is, and special and just needs us to coo along.  Most times these kids are dead average, and in a sweet way, but the mom feels she must gloat when her child brings home an attendance certificate.  When did we become so enamoured by mediocrity – by telling our kids they are so fkn wonderful all the time, for every little thing, does not only build thier self esteem, it also starts to give them an unreal perception of reality.

Okay that is my rant – it really was just aimed at those stupid stick people stickers, but then got it’s own momentum.

You know how it is.

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