Bad Mommy Moments …. my comments

I am going to weigh in on this post that went up by Jess over at “From There to Hear”…

This is one of those posts where comments should have been closed a long time ago, but one often does not realise how big this snowball is going to be until it gains so much momentum that it crushes you, as you stand innocently sipping on your gin and tonic with a slice of lemon looking out at the scenery.

Clearly Anonymous really had a beef to settle, but let me leave their stuff over there in their land.

Jess listed some of her “deep and dark” mommy secrets, and I think it would not be so “catch your breath” unless it was so damn true.

There really was only one where I raised my eyebrow and went: “okay, that is not ideal …..yikes!” but overall I totally understood where she was coming from, and more importantly the tone, the essence of the blog post.

I think we all like to think we are perfect mothers, the reality is that we all cut corners for sanity/time constraints/the lure of lying down for just a minute, and some times well, just because we just do not feel like doing something.

I fake sleep often whilst my kids are screaming like they have lost a limb. I try to fake sleep more than Kennith as I figure if I lie there long enough he will get up.

Unfortunately he is faking the same thing, so we lie there both faking, until something happens when heavy breathing and limp limbs no longer cut the mustard.

I am well-known for my idea of a balance meal being a McDonalds Happy Meal with an Orange cooldrink.  I don’t know what is in the orange cooldrink, but I figure it looks healthier than the green one.

When my children were small, I would leave them in the shower for an hour.  So they get tired, are clean, can’t drown and then hopefully can go straight to bed.  On occasion I would also hand a yoghurt to them with a spoon and call it dinner.  No Mommy of the Year prizes being handed out there I can tell you.

The only reason my children get bathed and fed each day, is because I find it suits my sticking to a schedule.  The sooner they eat, the sooner they bath, the more likely I am able to get them in to bed, and then I can take a breath and congratulate myself on surviving another day.

I bath and feed them out of self-interest more than because I think it is good for them.

I love my children, and even like them most days.  But there is so much about being a mother that is so damn tedious.

But in this “HEY FKRS LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!” time we live in, people are constantly crowing about what a fabulous time we are having as mothers.  Then you feel a bit shamed that clearly you are doing something wrong as you are not having as much fun as the other Facebook moms!  Shit must work on my Facebook Status updates.

I am hard-pressed to look excited when I am standing arguing with my kids over food they must eat.  Or trying to get Isabelle to unclench her mouth so I can get a teaspoon of noodles in.

Parenting often is about as much fun as douching yourself by accident with VIM.  Yes we love our kids, and we are so damn lucky and and and anchovies!

The idea of motherhood is often much nicer than the realities, the tedium, the pull-my-eyes-out boredom of the entire thing.  I mean seriously once you have done “where you, where you, where you?” for 15 minutes really, it is about time to well kill yourself.

The realities often require you digging out poo from under your nails, wondering at dinner with friends whether they can smell the milk vomit in your hair, and wishing wishing that maybe you could be involved in a minor car accident to get you just one night in hospital where you could sleep and pee alone!

Society dictates that Motherhood must appear fun.  Sublime.  That you are having the time of your freakn life.

We must make it seem so, else we risk appearing like bad or at the very least indifferent mothers.  It is very hard keeping your head up when you really want to hide in the bathroom so you can just get 15 minutes to yourself.

Jess listed a few things that she had, shall we say, let slide.  Please read her post, and I have added the main gist of each point and then my thoughts on each.  None are worth flogging her in the town centre about ….

Sterilising Items :  I stopped sterilising at under 6 weeks … before you go all dirty-nasty-environment on me, please be aware that Isabelle who might have had sterilised bottles until she was 5 weeks, is the least sick of my three children.  No paed, seldom sees our GP.

Nappy Changing :  I do think changing your child every 15 minutes is a waste of nappies, bum cream and patience.  If your child is uncomfortable in their nappy, they will tell you in no uncertain terms.  So what if you “forgot” “overlooked” a nappy change.  Big freaking hairy deal.

Purity instead of a 5 course meal : Oh heavens, who of us hasn’t pulled this one.  I still will throw a cut up apple and a container of yoghurt at my kids and call it dinner if I can get away with it.

Bathing : There was a time not too long ago when the idea of bathing once a week, even for a baby was not that ludicrous.  Based on how clean our general living environments are, I think a child could safely go unbathed for two weeks, and probably be a damn side cleaner than most babies live – quite healthily – in most 3rd world countries.

Nappy Changing : See above, I think though realistically I would be a bit shame faced to arrive at a nursery school with my child’s nappies weighing more than their school bag, but hey that is me – and maybe Jess had a bad night and a suicidal morning.

Hiding in the Bathroom : A girl after my own heart!  I still do this.

Administering medication : I do not think a TRUTHFUL mother exists who has not slipped their child some off the shelf medication when she feels one of them needs some sleep.  I think MANY mothers will crow about who they NEVER do this, but then there is reality.

Visiting people who lighten your load : This has got to be the best trick ever!!  I need to find friends like that.

I will confess there were a few of Jess’ points that I raised my eyebrow on and did not smile about as much as the others, but I took it in the tone of the post and the tone of your blog.

Stepping back and seeing it in the context it was presented.

Bloggers are not true-life documentary writers, and I think sometimes readers forget this.  Correction.  Usually readers do get this, but Trolls will always exist and lie there quietly until the day you say something mildly controversial and then they will have Child Line on speed dial.

Bloggers often write in a particular manner.

If you read my blog your perception might be that I am coked up on antidepressants all day and drinking wine from the bottle with a straw by 11h00 …. it is not far from the truth, but it is not the WHOLE truth.  Some where in this I do manage to be a fairly effective mother, and pull unicorns and rabbits out my arse on demand, and do a bit of work as well.

Bloggers write, we expose ourselves publically – and the downside to this, other than the very cool “hey you are so cool, high-five chick” is that there are people who disagree.

If you are going to write for the public, expect a public bitch slap from time to time – it happens.  If everyone loved what we wrote, I don’t think it would be as interesting.

I think Jess was brave to put up the post she did, but if you are going to fire off fireworks, you must expect the odd dog to bark and someone to complain to the SPCA.

But that is my take on it at any rate!

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16 Comments

  1. Ciska

     /  September 3, 2012

    Thought you would enjoy this pic!

    Reply
  2. I often don’t go back to read comments after I have posted so missed all this drama! Comments like the dear sweet BEV make me want to say fuck a lot! BUT I am waiting for her child to hit 10 and THEN we can see how together she has it!!!!!

    I dont think Jess needs defending – she is doing the best she can with what she has and over all Aidan is doing just fine!

    I do think posts like hers make moms feel a little better about their bad moments! Right now I am actually having bad days – the bad moments left me the day my son turned 10 and got a overdose of puberty hormones!!!!!!! (Dont you have this with Connor? Honestly this age for me SUX)

    Reply
  3. But still, if you are going to put yourself ‘out there’ you cannot shout victim when someone disagrees with you. *shrugs* I give my kids weet bix for dinner some nights, but I am not going to sit and make a list of every mistake I’ve ever made as a mother? I criticize myself enough to invite others to do it too.

    Reply
  4. Man. You guys left out when the child pees in bed. It’s 3am. It’s winter. He’ll it’s summer. Do you change all the sheets right there and then, or do you slip a towel under them and go back to bed. At least ONCE? Oh g. Beware the mommybloggerpolice. (they’re listening)

    Reply
  5. Nicely written, here and on the other linked blog. Shit happens and bad mommy moments happen. Moving on swiftly.

    Reply
  6. Victoria

     /  August 31, 2012

    Out of the blogs I follow in the mommy blog world I would say only two keep it pretty “perfect”. Most have a good mix between “I wanna pull out my hair” and “my life is super cool”. As an expectant mother I really enjoy the mix, I knew it was going to be hard, some areas the hardness reaches was and continues to be a surprise. I feel more prepared when mommies divulge thier “bad mommy” moments.

    Reply
  7. My kids are over the age of 4, so Mommy Bloggers are pure boredom for me, except yours. Yours is funny. I totally understand all the above points but…..sorry…there is a but…having kids is part of being a responsible adult and does warrant pulling on ones big girl panties and doing things we sometimes don’t want to do. But you see, I have nanny’s on the farm that help… which sort of renders my opinion null and void. I can sometimes dodge the never ending daily routine, which someone without a nanny is stuck with on a daily basis.

    anyway, my curiousity is piqued and I’m off to read Jess Blog Post.

    Reply
    • Just read it…and well, the too-ing and fro-ing was a bit childish and smacked of “teenage facebook warfare”. It was also entertaining. So thanks.

      Reply
  8. Sammy

     /  August 31, 2012

    Getting quite bored of moany mombloggers though I have to say! yeah we know we are not all perfect… moving on. How did the op go?

    Reply
  9. Alexandra

     /  August 31, 2012

    I think the point is that they are Bad Mommy Moments, not bad mommy every second of the day…

    Reply
  10. This is my fave post of yours!

    Reply
  11. Until I had a child I hated having to stay in hotel rooms by myself for work but now I think its pure heaven. A night or two away from home is the best part of my job. I love my child but you are right we all have parent fail moments and I am sure its normal. I now delete people from my FB friends if they start with all the wonder mommy crap.. that and for telling me what they ate for dinner or that they love their boyfriend/husband more then the whole world.

    Reply
    • I so agree Kat. I love my child, but I loved myself first. If a night in a hotel room energises me for the next 6 days/weeks/months then I’m going to take it! With not ONE glimpse back over my shoulder.

      Reply

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