Pole dancing and other pursuits ….

I’ve been running around with this thought in my head for a few weeks, and am struggling to put it in to words so that it make sense.

I saw this link recently which was a post about Toddlers and Tiara’s {excellent post} and it made me splutter in anger/frustration.

Not because it said anything that was not true, but because the video reminded me of how much I hate /abhor this show.

And how angry it makes me.

It brought up severe feelings.  It is not just this show – though the show is enough to push a mom over the edge, but it is because this culture is a symptom of something so much bigger.

I am not the best mom in the world.  I realise I often make some stupid parenting decisions, which I hope I learn from them as I go ahead.

Even with my rather limited IQ and parenting issues, I can see that spray tanning my child, and pimping them in a two piece on a stage might be questionable behaviour for any parent, even one with limited IQ.

Having my young daughter parade on stage in what is really a downsized version of an adult outfit, and mimic’ing adult behaviour is a not really a sign of a good parenting decision, no matter how big the trophy or how ridiculous the title

I have caught Toddlers and Tiara’s a few times and sit there and wonder what the hell these parents are thinking!  Seriously, what the freaking hell!

That being said, I look at the parents – even if you exclude their toddler who is clenching false teeth to give her the perfect smile, has hair poofed to an inch of it’s life, wearing more spray tan than “The Only way is Essex” and a wardrobe that would make the Jersey Shore single figure IQ cast jealous – and really seldom think they are stellar parents making fabulous parenting decisions.

I do tend to sit there and go “what the fuck?” and that is before I have seen the child.

I get how the mom will often think this is a great idea – moms get to do stupid things, often, that is  our right.   Surely a sane dad would think “there must be something wrong with my 4 year old daughter being waxed, primped, and posing on stage in a bikini and then sashaying about like she is a 20 year old?” and maybe put up his little fist and go “Hey, I prefer my daughter not to look like someone who appears on Hollywood Boulevard.”

The parents explain why they parade their children on a stage and promote these girls whose only “good attribute” is their external beauty or perceived beauty.  The most common reason is always about how good it is for the child/baby.

No one mentions how much discomfort/pain this child goes through to be plucked, pulled and painted to look like a doll.

No one comments on the behaviour which many of these girls exhibit which is rampant self-absorption and a skewed perception of reality.  Also they are encouraged to be DIVA’s demanding and rude, and of course the stuffing in of food high in sugar and caffeine to keep their energy going.

The entire show is hideous.  It reminds me of that audition on Bruno where they are trying to show how far a parent will go to get their child into an advertisement.

Auditioning for a children’s fashion shoot in Los Angeles, Bruno asks a group of showbusiness mothers a series of questions about what they would allow their child to do for the shoot.

“How would your daughter handle being dropped four-storeys?” he asks one, to which she replies: “I think she’d be a little scared at first, but she can do it.”

Bruno then reveals that the fashion shoot will involve one child dressed up as a Nazi officer pushing a wheelbarrow holding another young girl dressed as a Jew into a furnace.

One of the mothers auditioning her child says: “It sounds theatrical… as long as she gets the gig.”

I think as parents we all make, well, dodgy decision with our kids.  Then when given time to reflect realise we have been a bit dick-orientated and try our best to correct the behaviour moving forward, say, rather than entering them into the NEXT competition.

I did the photo competitions with Connor, and dragged him to a few hideous commercials.

The days were long, the work tedious and at the end of it all it had nothing to do with Connor.  It was all about me and my need for outside affirmation that my child was truly a beautiful child – because if he was pretty, then surely that made me a good parent (or a better parent)!

Eventually I realised that my need to win had nothing to do with Connor.  But all to do about me feeling that “he was the best looking child” and decided to not take him for further castings – he really hated them, and I was having to bribe and coax him to do them.

I cannot stand child based beauty competitions.

I blanch when I get a request to go and “LIKE” the link because someone’s child is on a list of 400 kids where clearly the competition is about how many “LIKES” they get which does not make them the best/most beautiful child, but who ever has the mom who can campaign the hardest.

The issue that I wish to raise at the moment – though not in the most eloquent manner – is girls – and how we are projecting them in public, and the stereotypes we are buying in to.

Not just small girls, teenage girls, and adult girls.

I cannot watch VH1 or MTV because besides the inane repetition of the most ridiculous lyrics to date, every girl is presented as either a p0le/lap dancing freak or a bikini clad, large sunglasss, and gloss lipped woman who drapes herself over a rather imbecile looking rap star/singer/recording who is lounging in a house/on a yacht that clearly is not theirs, saying something along the lines of “yoh-yoh-yoh.”

Fucker, please!!!

Every show I watch which features a girl/woman in any way has her dancing.  But she is dancing like a stripper or a lap dancer. For small denominations.

The girls all appear the same.  All aspire to be the same thing – part time prostitutes/full time strippers who sole purpose for being on earth is to be drooled on by boys.

That being said, what message are we, as moms, as grown women, sending to our daughters by attending pole dancing classes or by installing a pole at home?  When did learning to be a stripper and imitate moves found at Mavericks become a household mainstream activity?   I think there can be a convincing argument for great exercise, and wow, how it tones your thighs, but still what is it exactly you are learning to do?  And is it okay for your daughter of 5 to watch and learn to do with you?

Have you watched a 12 year old girl dance lately?

Have you watched a 16 year old girl dance?

It is enough to make you throw a bag over their head and run off and put them on an island somewhere so you can desensitize them to this media flooding in of a how a girl is meant to look and act.

Toddlers and Tiara’s is just another symptom of how f’ked up society has got and how children/girls are turned into sexual objects before they can spell Dr Seuss!

When did boys win?  When girls started doing pole dancing classes and called it exercise.

{this post is a bit of spluttering …. I still have not quite found a way to convert it into good english, but there we go}

Leave a comment


  1. As said in one of the comments, we are going back in terms of Womans Liberation. The whole world revolves around looks and money.

    Take Shades of Grey as an example – it is ok to be a woman beater and rapist as long as you are handsome and have buckets full of money.

    I dispair and I don’t know how to protect my precious 5 year old from all of this.

  2. I have nothing against pole dancing. Those moves are difficult and require strength and balance that is admirable. It’s not the pole dancing you see at most strip clubs, the dancing done there is usually done on a blanket (I have nothing wrong with strippers either, unless they are being coerced into being there). Many of my friends have taken it, with the exception of a few giggles at the beginning it is a craft and an exercise they work hard to master.

    Toddlers and Tiara’s. There is nothing inherently wrong with dressing up and dancing, boys and girls do that on their own time. BUT HOLY F*** do they ever go too far, and against their child’s wishes.

    I’m totally with you on women being overly sexualized in the media and a lot of women feel pressured to be ultra sex machines. However, they are also being constantly shamed for expressing their sexuality. A young woman in Canada recently took her own life because of blackmail, sexual harassment, sexual coercion, and an onslaught of vicious bullying. Most people react by saying “Well. if she didn’t show her tits, non of this would have happened”. Which is a horrible way to blame the victim for the crimes committed against.

    Anyway, that seems off topic, but what I want to say is. Be careful when you are talking about women and sexuality that you are not shaming the women. If that makes sense haha

  3. If you read my post called “What is Honey Boo Boo” you will see that I share your sentiments…Sexualizing children so their mommies can live vicariously through them….Bad, bad.

  4. You know, I agree. I have two children. Since the day my daughter was born I have heard how unusually beautiful she was. I know this is typical for parents to hear but I have also heard it said when people don’t know I can hear them. This has no value to me. She is an amazing little person, and that is what I value.

    What has bothered me is how many people will say to me that I need to try to get her into show business and or modeling. They don’t understand that I have zero want or will to do that. I have a theater background and it meant a lot to me in my writing and other aspects of my life. This doesn’t mean I want to expose my child to that sort of life. Has no one seen what happens to child stars?

    I love your rant here. ((hugs))


  5. Reblogged this on rosfromscratch and commented:
    A topic so close to my heart … and my of course it includes the ever popular tag: Toddler ‘n Tiara’s. It’s like having my cake and eating it.

  6. Ooooh!! My favourite subject. I cannot help but sit and gape at the spectacle. I think my obsession with this whole show, is because it seems unbelievable that parents would go to these lengths and huge expense, so that their kids can get ‘judged’ by strangers – and all for a freaking plastic trophy and crown. As with most things in America, bigger is better. But it is all sooo fake. The judges usually consist of past-sell-by beauty queens, cross dressers, transsexuals (note the deep voice and Adam’s apple), and the pageant director’s pervy husband. And maybe someone’s great aunty, who is an ex-hairdresser, thrown in for good measure.
    It is also sad to see that the majority of families that are caught up in the entire ‘circuit’, usually are those that can least afford to be. And is is usually the entire family that is negatively affected by this money-making scheme. They are being milked by the pageant directors, the dressmakers, the self-tanners, dentists, nail-hair-make up ‘artists’ (and i use this term verrry loosely), the hotels, the trophy and crown makers, the manufacturer’s of pixie dust … it goes deep and is rotten down to core.
    The party that benefits least from the entire spectacle is the child.

  7. Caroline

     /  October 18, 2012

    Well said… I find it all very sexist and repulsive! Sitting here with my newborn baby girl asleep on my lap wondering how on earth I can protect her and her big brother from all the external sexual content we see and hear everywhere…

  8. Nandi Claasen

     /  October 18, 2012

    I fully agree!!!!!!!!!!! Well said!!!!!! Wish I could find that island now while my daughter is still only 7mnths old!!!!!!!!

  9. Excellent Post Celeste. My cousin is totally embarassed when her five year old begins to dance. It is just too sexy for a five year old and she got that all from TV.

  10. The Blessed Barrenness

     /  October 18, 2012

    I couldn’t agree with you more. This is something I feel VERY strongly about. Our mother’s & grandmothers must be horrified. After fighting for equal rights for women for so long, we’ve now come full circle and seem to be embracing a new all time low of being nothing more than an object of sexual desire. It makes me sick and it makes me worry about what lies ahead for my own daughter!

  11. Alexandra

     /  October 18, 2012

    I totally agree with you on all counts.

    When I was still a new mother, dazzled by the beauty of my child, I fortunately managed to avoid baby photo competitions and adverts were out of the question as I didn’t have the time. I am so relieved I didn’t get sucked into that.

    Of course that didn’t stop me from getting upset about my son not winning the best baby costume at the Halloween party…

  12. Charne

     /  October 18, 2012

    There is very little that makes me as angry as a toddlers and tiara’s!!!!! I am not sure what is worse – the fact that there is a TV show about this shite or the fact that people are subjecting their kids to this torture! It is actually child abuse as far as I am concerned. Makes me so very, very angry!!

    And has anyone noticed that the mothers are usually overweight slobs, no doubt trying to vicariously live through their children……

  13. I couldn’t agree with you more, it’s all about attention starved “moms”! This write up will make you even more angry…http://www.businessinsider.com/toddlers-and-tiaras-controversies-2012-9

  14. randomthoughtso

     /  October 18, 2012

    Thank you so much! Both for sharing my post, and being with me on this one. I’m so angry about this “phenomenon”. I hope that, somehow, we can let parents know that they’re doing their children a disservice!


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