Joost and his underpants …..


130218_underpants

Contrary to popular belief, I have an optimistic default stance on human nature.

Though I tell myself that people will often do bad things, there is an internal voice I possess that believes that everyone will do the right thing and that people do not lie.

I believe when someone tells me something, that they mean what they are saying.

I often say “I believe you…” because I REALLY believe you.

I actually believe it when someone says “Let’s get together sometime….”

I believe that good people do good things.

I believe that people are true to their word.

I struggle to deal with it when someone lies to me.  My universe crumbles when I find out someone has lied to me.  A bit like The Matrix, when that rogue piece of code gets into the machine, and the entire mummers farce that is real life starts to break apart.

A bit like that …. a lot like that.

There have of course been many situations where I have realised that good people do bad things, and people I thought were good, are maybe not so good.

I believe in heroes and I believe first and foremost in someone before I start to doubt them.  I give them the benefit of the doubt, until I no longer can.

Hansie Cronje.  I believed from the beginning when he said he was innocent.  I believed him.

When the media started telling stories about how they had evidence and other details about his taking a bribe.

I believed Hansie.  I decided to silently wait until he was able to absolve himself of the barrage of accusations.  I waited, and I believed Hansie (just for the record, I am not and have never been a fervent sports fan), and I felt if we waited for the dust to settle the truth would be revealed.

When it came to pass that he was guilty – and this was after him saying at least half a dozen times that he was innocent, I was crushed.  Not because he was guilty, but because he had lied, and lied, and I had believed him.  I had not doubted him for a moment.

So too with Underpants Joost van der Westhuizen had his famous sex video/stills aired.

Again, not a man I really liked much.  But when he said it was not him in the photo with the scantily clad lady and him wearing his tidy-white’ies and his socks, I believed him.  I thought “I am gave sure he is innocent, he said he is, so he must be.”

I sat silently in Joost’s corner, thinking I will wait it out and not pass judgement until we are sure what really happened. His wife believes in him, I believed him, and why would he lie about this ….. over and over again?

No secret it turns out he was liar liar pants on fire!

Even after all the media reports that have come through on our “fallen heroes” I persist in believing that people do not lie, and waiting for them to tell me what happened, rather than buying in to all the hoopla and rubbish that is passed from one person to the other, in some macabre game of  “broken telephone.”

There have been dozens of music heroes, sports heroes, and “made famous by the media” heroes who have stumbled and fallen – and with the onslaught of media and social media we cannot help but get updates around the clock.

I have less of an issue with someone who stumbles and admits it, than someone who lies about it.  And continues to lie, and is then found out.

Last Friday the bottom fell out of the world as we knew it,  when one of our sports and media heroes experienced what can only be described as a “total fuck up and tragic day” on every possible level.

I am not sure what happened.  I am not sure you know what has happened.

There appears to be  a 1001 experts on Facebook posting and reposting what can only be described as hurtful, poorly timed humour and bad speculation.  Why pass on information that you do not know is true, so that you can just stir up emotions even more?

It is the equivalent of a village deciding that everyone should grab their pitchfork and torches and gets together to burn the ogre, purely on hearsay and  “I heard that he did this or he did that …. so light a flame and come along …..”

Golden boy shoots his beautiful girlfriend, what could be more delicious than that?

Again, I choose to sit quietly in his corner and wait to see how this unfolds.  I allow this process to run it’s course before passing judgement, and before jumping to conclusions, because who of us actually REALLY knows what happened.

For now, I will continue to believe in him.

I believed in him before last Friday, and I continue to believe he is the same person he was when we lifted him up above our shoulders and screamed for him.

I was really disappointed this week to see the amount of crass and totally ridiculous gumph that people were posting and reposting – and often from people who I believed to be wise and informed.  I have started to seriously question the level of the gene pool in the last week.

How fickle does this prove we are?  How cruel and brutal are we, that we cannot wait it out and see what REALLY happened before we start to THROW stones and grab our pitchforks for a public burning?

Either I will sit quietly in his corner and nod “we stayed in your corner because we believed you” or I will go home and pour a large glass of Chenin Blanc, and feel disappointed that again I believed in someone who lied.

This week, I am NOT disappointed in the boy-wonder who has fallen.  I am disappointed in a society (that I am a part of) that judges so quickly, and so brutally, when they know nothing.

What if he was your son, what if that was your daughter?

{I am not suggesting he is innocent or he is guilty, I am however suggesting we wait until the official investigation has been allowed to run it’s course before we crucify him}

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12 Comments

  1. Alexandra

     /  February 19, 2013

    I also believe in innocence in the face of publicity.

    Reply
  2. I also choose to believe him. My heart breaks for a boy who probably had to endure so much in his life, lost his mom at 15 and probably had quite a few issues. I believe he did not shoot on purpose and I really hope they can proof that. But yes, let’s wait and see. Who are we to judge anyone for that matter? Not one of us is perfect.

    Reply
  3. The jokes were the worst for me. It an awful tragedy.

    Reply
  4. I totally feel like you do (BTW did you read Mandie Weiner’s atricle?). You do write so very well.

    BUt I have to disagree on one thing though – I never believed Joost were innocent. Never.

    Reply
  5. Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    “Will Anene Booysen’s brutal rape and murder shake the nation into action as much as the outrage of the Oscar Story?

    While India raged, South Africa’s response to Anene’s rape has been muted by comparison…” http://mg.co.za/article/2013-02-15-00-will-anene-booysens-brutal-rape-and-murder-shake-the-nation-into-action.

    The response to Oscar Pistorious alleged shooting is more outrage and dissapointment with less empathy and emotion spared for Reeva or her family.

    I’ve got a problem with that.

    Intestines spilling out of a ripped vagina from being gang raped has not received as much of an outcry as Oscar’s shooting. Are we so hardened and numb in South Africa from hearing the same bad news over and over? My son came back from school telling me that Oscar Pistorious shot someone. I’m so frightened that he becomes indifferent to shocking news like that. That he becomes so used to hearing it….that he actually stops listening and doesn’t fully understand the impact of news like shooting and rape and murder and theft. Hardened against it.

    We are living in a society that has slipped into a very, very bad zone.

    Reply
  6. “Will Anene Booysen’s brutal rape and murder shake the nation into action as much as the outrage of the Oscar Story?

    While India raged, South Africa’s response to Anene’s rape has been muted by comparison…” http://mg.co.za/article/2013-02-15-00-will-anene-booysens-brutal-rape-and-murder-shake-the-nation-into-action.

    The response to Oscar Pistorious alleged shooting is more outrage and dissapointment with less empathy and emotion spared for Reeva or her family.

    I’ve got a problem with that.

    Intestines spilling out of a ripped vagina from being gang raped has not received as much of an outcry as Oscar’s shooting. Are we so hardened and numb in South Africa from hearing the same bad news over and over? My son came back from school telling me that Oscar Pistorious shot someone. I’m so frightened that he becomes indifferent to shocking news like that. That he becomes so used to hearing it….that he actually stops listening and doesn’t fully understand the impact of news like shooting and rape and murder and theft. Hardened against it.

    We are living in a society that has slipped into a very, very bad zone.

    Reply
  7. I think I used to be exactly like that, but have been burnt really bad by a liar in the last few years and maybe it has made me more cautious. I am very critical about what I read though and am not passing any judgements and will absolutely wait for the facts to come out, but I must admit that I am feeling more and more disappointed in our ‘golden boy’. I suspect the stuffed up badly, but will wait and see. But in my heart I would like him to be innocent. Anais Nin said we see the world not as it is, but as we are.

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  February 18, 2013

      Loved the quotation ….. Anais Nin said we see the world not as it is, but as we are.

      Reply
      • It is so very true, is it not? I came across it as I was grappling with the reason why I believed all the lies I was being fed for such a long time. Made perfect sense…

        Reply
  8. What we do know is that a beautiful young lady has died in a place and a relationship she should have been save in…

    Reply
  9. I feel the same way about this whole thing. Nobody knows what happened yet. Of course the media will dig up anything like domestic disputes that may have happened in the past. Every couple fights! But when someone famous gets into a fight with their partner it’s not confined to the walls of their home for the two of them to sort it out like you and I, us normal non-famous people. The whole world knows about your spat and chooses sides. If he did it on purpose, some how the truth will come out. If he didn’t, then imagine how hard this is for him? He’s grieving and defending himself at the same time. That’s a nightmare. It really does feel like the whole thing is a witch hunt.

    Reply
  10. The Blessed Barrenness

     /  February 18, 2013

    Well said Celeste! It would seem we are similar in that we always want to believe what they say. Like you, I don’t want to believe what is being speculated about our golden boy, I just don’t and I want to wait for all the information and the court proceedings before jumping to conclusions.
    I’ve been disgusted by how quickly people jumped on the bandwagon, made assumptions and disgusting jokes with little to no thought or any respect for the families (both hers and his) who have been devastated by this horrific tragedy.

    Reply

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