Another baby in the house …. not mine ….

As you know Priv works for me.

To say I love Priv does not even hint at the extent to which I adore her.

Of course I rely on her and she is such a wonderful person that I can’t help but like her.  I realised that I only met Priv in March last year, and hired her soon after that.  She is originally from Zimbabwe, and has a 13 year old daughter who lives in Zimbabwe, and she supports her financially and emotionally from here.

It feels like she has been with us for years.  She just fits in with our household so seamlessly, that it has been like she has been here forever.  I am sure I told someone recently she has been with us for more than two years …. clearly it all started to fuse together and it felt like she was always here.

She lives with us, and I rely on her to function.

Nothing is too much trouble.  I love the way she interacts with my kids, not because she has to, but because she is genuinely interested in them.  When I was retrenched last year, I did not think for a moment that I was going to let her go, I just figured I would make a plan, and I would rather drive myself into debt than even think about retrenching her.

Three weeks ago she told me that she suspects she was pregnant.

Long story, but the short of it is that she changed birth control brands – the birth control she was on meant she did not have a menstrual cycle, so not having one in a month did not necessarily mean you were pregnant (I have been on the same birth control, so I understood what she was saying).

She was not sure of what was happening, and did not know for sure but was going to the OBGYN later that day – she had been to the clinic, and they thought she was, but was vague as only a government clinic can be.

She was obviously distraught, as anyone would be if they found out they may be pregnant.  This was not the life plan they had in mind.  She made it clear that she could not financially support another child, and how was she meant to do this when she lived with us, and did not have a support network to assist her.

She was very clear that her boyfriend and her had been seeing each other for years, but she knew it was not a relationship that she referred to as a “non starter.”

She goes along, and returns and finds out she is 22 weeks along!!

I went in to full lunatic possessed person mode.  Called the Fetal Assessment Centre at Kingsbury Hospital.  As luck would have it they had a cancellation for 12h00 – it was 11h00.  Threw ourselves out the door and headed to her appointment.

She did the initial discussion without me, and then called me in for the detailed fetal scan.

Oh my heavens, there is nothing quite as toe curling and exciting is being in a fetal assessment scan.

There was her daughter, all 22.5 weeks of her.  She is perfect.  I was so relieved.  I could see her toes, her spine, her little mouth, her head, her hands …. I cannot tell you how excited I was.

Priv had not had any prenatal care, and of course she was worried.  Seeing a perfectly formed, perfectly healthy little girl must have been such a relief.  I tried to do a happy dance quietly so as not to distract the scanner doctor person.

I am not sure exactly what is going to happen or how it is going to go.  We have asked her to stay with us, and have the baby here, and then keep the baby here with her.

I do not want her to send the baby to Zimbabwe, to disappear into the hinterland that is Zimbabwe. I want her to stay here and have the opportunities our children have.

Priv is due in June – which is the same month both my girls were born.

I am sure the road ahead will not be easy.

I am sure there will be challenges, but I am sure we can overcome them and her daughter will have a better chance of a life here with us, than if we let Priv go, and she had to return to Zimbabwe.

I am not sure what the rules are around helping to raise your Nannies baby, but we are going to give it a go and see what happens.

{I discussed whether she wanted to consider adoption or foster care, or whether she wanted to raise the baby here and we help her as much as we can – at this stage she is going to have this baby, and we are going to help her and we are going to just make it work.}

So that’s that then!

130315_Baby-Scan

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7 Comments

  1. Jenny

     /  March 18, 2013

    Adoption does not always come from loss. But aside from that (!) I do know many who are doing what you do and helping their nannies raise their children. It will all work out fine I am sure. What a shock finding out you are pregnant more than halfway through!

    Reply
  2. Interesting times ahead…

    Reply
  3. What an adventure!

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  March 16, 2013

      But without a compass, or a “how this is going to work” manual …… slight trepidation.

      Reply
  4. After reading tons and tons about adoption (cos I have considered it myself) the message seems to be: best case scenario is always that the birth mom keeps the baby if she can, that way everyone wins, and there is no loss. Adoption always comes from loss and if that can be prevented it is great. I really admire what you are doing for Priv!

    Reply
  1. The maze that is the government health system…. |

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