50 Shades of Grey ….. meet me out in the shed

The only positive thing I can say about 50 Shades is that it did for adult reading what Harry Potter did for everyone else.

No one read.  No one posted comments about books they had read. Ever.

50 Shades was released.  Every hausfrau known to man, every woman with a pulse was taking photographs of herself reading 50 Shades, or posting updates on Facebook about her reading 50 shades of grey.

I can stumble through shit books as much as the next person.

I made it through about 623 pages of Shantaram before I decided that if he was going to climb a mountain with some unknown  dudes. I decided I was starting to side with the mountain lion.  It is not a spoiler alert.  There was no mountain lion.  I seriously would re-read a rewrite that included a mountain lion who ate Lindsay Ford – there is a good chance I would give it another go.  Shantaram is the biggest waste of my time, if you exclude the time that I have spent trying to synch my new ipad (still not synched — damn you apple gods, damn you)

50 Shades of Grey is probably only good if you need about 3 – 8 minutes of light fiction so you can mas.turb.ate (yes I said it) but other than that, the book is trite shit, and just bad-ly bad-ly written.

But a few key quotes from that tomb of bad reading:-

Her curiosity oozes through the phone.  {sounds very similar to a call center operator asking me if I am having a nice day — the key is that it is going to get less nice because you just called}

Feel it baby.  {I do think in sex it helps to remind your partner that they should actually feel something …. other than say rigor mortis}

He’s my very own Christian Grey popsicle.  {I am guessing sorbet was no longer on the menu!}

Mentally girding my loins, I head into the hotel.  {I have been in several hotels, I do not think I have ever girded my loins —  but maybe I have been in the wrong hotels.}

Suppose he returns with a cane, or some weird kinky implement? {A cane OR a weird kink implement??  I really am not sure what I would think if  ***** arrived with a cane …. limp much?  Seriously, what are you meant to say?}

Anastasia when cuffed to the bed posts: ‘Holy cow, I cannot move my arms.  {Anastasia – who has for the record just spoilt my favourite name — yes, that is pretty much what happens when you are handcuffed to anything – if you can move, then pick up the box and re-read the instruction because your handcuffs are no longer working.}

50 Shades 0f Grey is really a kak read.

I am suggesting that there are thousands of women (and several very happy partners/husbands) who really enjoyed the book and no doubt Book Club pass it along must have soared.  I am not judging you for reading (or benefiting) from the book. The book is crap, you are not necessarily crap.

The only reason I am mentioned 50 Shades of Grey, is because I have become a fan of 50 Sheds of Grey.

Now that I like!

50sheds01

50sheds02

50sheds03

Terrific!

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11 Comments

  1. Laura Mileham

     /  May 15, 2013

    Oh I am SO GLAD that I am not the only chick who reckons 50 Greys is a KAK READ! As for Shantaram …. YawN ….. just the name puts me to sleep! The only other use for that book is to stop the door from banging shut!And can someone please tell me what’s the point of Edgar Sawtelle?! Give me a Linwood Barclay anyday!

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  May 17, 2013

      I have been eyeing Edgar Sawtelle for many a year, and just never quite open the book.

      Reply
  2. Thanks! I am probably one of the only non-celibate woman on the planet who have not read the book yet. (Un)fortunately I have already made up my mind about it, but would still like to read it at some point, if only to see whether my theory is correct.

    Reply
  3. Denise

     /  May 13, 2013

    I loved Shantaram. 50 shades, however, was simply a much, much longer version of any or all Mills and Boon books ever written. I don’t use the word kak often. But 50 shades was kak. I did however read all three in quick succession and I particularly liked the bit where the intelligent girl who had held onto her virginity stoically for so long gave up all hopes of meeting her knight in shining armour and ran off with the sadistic rich dude and made babies. Her viriginity and her independence all lost before 25 – such an awesome role model for women everywhere…

    Reply
  4. LOL hilarious! Thank you. I will never read those books but always enjoy reading reasons why I know I will not like them 🙂

    Reply
  5. The Blessed Barrenness

     /  May 13, 2013

    I loved the books… there I said it! I hadn’t read a book in years until 50 Shades came along… Granted it is not well written and the story is somewhat predicable but it was light reading and that’s what I enjoy. My life is crazy enough that I read to be entertained and that is all.
    I have also never read a Harry Potter.. I simply couldn’t be bothered, that is a load of shite in my mind! And books like Shantaram have no appeal to me what so ever.
    But 50 Shades, Crossfire Trilogy or any of the other adult erotic/romance writers, I’ll take any day!
    As a side note, 50 Sheds is a Twitter handle, are you on Twitter?

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  May 13, 2013

      There is also a 50 Sheds on Facebook …. I am on twitter, but I seldom if ever tweet, I follow a few people …. when I do remember to actually go on to twitter.

      Reply
  6. Brilliant. I managed to skip read through the first book but I couldn’t put myself through the torture of another two books. The writing is awful but I wish she had even bothered to come up with new characters. Borrowing characters from another series and giving them different names should not make you a best selling author.

    Reply
    • reluctantmom

       /  May 13, 2013

      Thanks Nikki — that was really laugh out loud funny!

      Reply

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