The humiliation that is Adventure Boot Camp …

Third week in, and I am loving it about as much as I do a waxing session or a pap smear.  If they could find a way to combine them, would not even hint at how much I loath my Adventure Boot Camp sessions.

At least a pap smear takes about 4 minutes, and really when it is over, you sort of look back and go “well that was not that bad, see you in 1 or 3 years.”

I am officially the “fat chick” at boot camp.  The fat old chick.

If my self-esteem could take any more of a dent, I might need to up my Seroquel.

The slowest out of EVE.RY. fuck.n one!  I am the one who is last.  I am usually 40% of the way through the routine when everyone is finished and starting from the beginning.

The trainer now knows my name.  And screams it across the field.

It is one of those occasions when you do not want to be noticed.

You know when you have to run with your rolled up yoga mat above your head, whilst going up-and-down with your arms to the fence and back again?  Just like that.  I eventually just left the mat behind. Really no one can scream at me enough to do push ups with a mat whilst I am running. Not even my mom!

I am so exhausted, and so unfit that I want to cry.

I am waiting on the endorphins that make me feel happy.  It is now 23h16 and still no endorphins,  I don’t think they are coming tonight.

It is okay to cry at Adventure Boot Camp because no one really notices.  Your breathing is coming in short bursts anyway, and you are sort of lying on the floor wondering when it was that life got this bad …  and sweating so much, that a few more bits of moisture on your face is a bit of a non-issue.

So of course you can cry, no one realises and no one cares.

It is only the third week in, and I am officially stuffed.  Buggered.  Fucked. The slowest chick there.

I regret every McDonalds breakfast. I regret every “buy large and save more” bag of Chuckles.

I do not regret the wine.  I think about the large glass I am going to pour as soon as I get home. I have decided to stop eating and get all my calorie intake from a few glasses of wine.  Technically it will be my 5 servings of fruit and vegetables per day.  Right?

Holy Mother of Mary, this getting old and trying very hard to not get any fatter, and hope that maybe, just maybe I can get by a month without my daughter asking me if I am pregnant ….. excuse me whilst I lie on the field and throw up.

Yay for Adventure Boot Camp …. said no one ever!

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5 Comments

  1. MotivatedNotHumiliated!!

     /  September 18, 2013

    i joined adventure bootcamp and am currently the fattest and slowest person at the camp. Why are all those skinny girls running an smiling the whole time? why are they even here? there are two ways to look at this. you can either think they laughing at you and you never go back coz of the HUMILIATION or you can take it as motivation! Motivation to get as fit and looking as fabulous as they do. this is probably not the first time that those skinny gorls are doing the bootcamp. thats how they got there. so even though i skip a few crunches and miss a few sit ups i still feel good. i still enjoy the pain of aching body parts the next morning knowing that one day i will get there. I am a mother of 2 and decided to take this time for myself. i dont know anybody at bootcamp so if they want to talk about me and laugh at me because i am the slowest i say knock yourselves out. but i am doing this for myself. if you going to allow people to control how you feel you are going to stay the “FAT OLD CHICK”. so you decide. and you joined this bootcamp to make a start in getting healthy and fit. those people are supposed to push you.. so dont feel humiliated!! feel MOTIVATED!!

    Reply
  2. Alexandra

     /  August 27, 2013

    I know I shouldn’t but this post really had me laughing. Maybe because if I was there, you wouldn’t be the fattest, slowest, etc. So glad I’m not doing boot camp.

    Reply
  3. I relate… I was you in my sessions as ABC then I quit because neither my body nor my self esteem could take it anymore!

    Reply
  4. But you go and thereby are way more badass than everyone who doesn’t!

    Reply
  5. aeroplanejane

     /  August 27, 2013

    You make me smile. So glad it is not only me that feels that way.

    Reply

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