This morning was probably a good example of why hitting children should be banned ….

Georgia is on Ritalin.

Georgia is not able to swallow pills or capsules.

I have spent a considerable about of time, money and tears to find something to hide drugs in, and then feed it to my child.

In some cases unknowingly – I knew, she didn’t = never worked.

I open the capsure, and crush the tablet, then put all the pieces onto a spoon – does my morning sound too much like a meth lab?

I then carefully hide the granules in:  a strawberry, a inside a slice of bread with peanut butter or chocolate spread on it, a strawberry milkshake, a salticrax biscuit with chocolate spread, inside a slice of a tomato — pretty much anything that I think she might actually eat.

{these are all things she eats with relish on any other day}

I have tried nearly everything and still cannot get it down her throat without a huge fight ensuing.

The present tactic is we make a Salticrax biscuit with chocolate spread on it, put the crushed granules onto the spread, put another Salticrax biscuit on the top.

Put the little biscuit chocolate sandwich into a plastic container.  I give it to her in the car whilst we are driving to school, so I can watch that she eats it, and because she takes so long I have the entire drive to school for her to get through the biscuit, which under normal circumstances would take her 8.4 seconds to eat.

This week I have arrived at school and she still has not finished eating the biscuit.  So I sit in the car until she finishes the biscuit, then she is late as this might take another 15 minutes (which means this is more than a half an hour to finish a biscuit) – usually by this point I am so angry that I want to scream/insert am already screaming.

I am so frustrated and the morning drive is filled with moaning, begging, screaming, crying, pleading, threatening and exasperation – all me.

Whilst Georgia looks at me with her liquid hazel eyes and says “But I don’t want to eat it ……”

Yesterday I totally lost my shit in the school parking lot – and at some point I threw the biscuit out and sent her to school with that “YOU HAVE REALLY UPSET MOMMY” tone that only a mother who has seriously lost her shit can do.

Of course then I had to drive back and hunt the stupid salticrax down and throw it away properly.  The school has lots of squirrels and all I needed was to find out some hyper, coked out ritalin squirrel had gone shit-faced on the school playground – and I would be responsible for what ever gangsta style damage a squirrel could do.

Crawling around picking up Salticrax in the school parking lot is probably not the highest point of parenting that one could reach.  It really trumps all the soft-lighting Living and Loving photographs of you wish your newborn, mesmerised by her beauty and fantasizing about all the wonderful mommy-and-daughter things you would do.

This morning I went with plan G67U-D and put the ground up granules into  a strawberry milkshake.

Just when I thought I had outfoxed her, she finished the milk, and saw all the gunk at the bottom and thought “bugger that, no way I am eating that…” — she did pose it better, but that was the gist of it.

Fortunately I just hid in the bedroom.

Kennith decided to try his deft hand at aggressive parenting.  Georgia just kept repeating “But I don’t want to eat that …” and no matter what he did,that was her responses in this small voice.

Kennith worked through all his parenting resources, then tried screaming, threatening, promising she will never leave her room, that we will home school her, that she will never see Sponge Bob alive again …. nothing worked.

Georgia was in tears.

Kennith was angry – and we still did not have the medication anywhere near her digestive tract.

By the time I came through, I saw the offending piece of chocolate spread bread on the counter – Georgia with big tears on her eyelashes, and I just could not face this fight again.

I called the kids to get ready and I am not sure what I said to Georgia – I knew she had already had a hard morning and I knew that there was no way I could do anything to get this bread down her throat.

Just as I was about to sigh and just move on she goes “Mom, why don’t you put in a plastic lunchbox we can take in the car and I will promise to eat in on the way to school?”

I did put it in a plastic lunch box and I gave it to her in the car, expecting the same result as every day so far, but lo-and-behold I look in my rear view mirror and there she is happily eating her bread.

I said “thank you Georgia….” and then when we get to the school she says to me “why don’t I promise each day that I will eat the bread, and I can’t break a promise….”

Parenting skills = 0 points

Outstanding, unique, beautiful from the tips of her toes to the top of head, daughter – who some times we parent the entirely wrong way, because we forget that her brain just works totally differently to ours ……. = All the points