I was really having a rough day yesterday.
There is just too much going on – I am trying to be all things to everyone, and I am working myself into a bit of a lather. I have some financial commitments which are a bit challenging and I am starting to really feel “jittery” and wound up.
I have always been averse to the hour in the car driving the kids home.
Maybe because by that point, I have had a long day – and being trapped inside a car with three kids who are all vying for my attention, is usually the tipping point.
Last week and this week have been especially challenging to get Georgia to take her medication each day. Even though it is crushed and placed inside chocolate spread and neatly placed between two Salticrax biscuits.
Georgia is the same child who can eat a half portions of ribs so fast she bites her finger.
Georgia is the same child who will mow through an adult plate of spaghetti bolognaise.
This child can eat.
But present her with a biscuit and tell her she HAS TO EAT IT is an exercise in frustration and humility if ever there was one.
On Monday it took more than 30 minutes to bribe/threaten/cajole/force her to eat the biscuit – and towards the end I had totally lost my rag. Screaming at your child in the morning, is a less than ideal start to neither the child, nor your day.
Add a few other things – and by the time I had to fetch the kids – I was feeling edgy at best. The usual fights ensued as we drove home – and when I got into the driveway, I just could not face walking into the house. With them.
I thought about running away from home. But where would I go?
I thought that a little stay at a Clinic might not be a bad option. But that requires pre-booking, a letter from the medical aid and an emergency visit to my psyciatrist – and he wasn’t answering his cell when I called him. I do think he is filtering his calls.
I decided instead to just sit in the car. And stare into my lap.
Connor eventually came through and opened the door.
Connor: “Mom are you okay?”
Me: “No, not so much my boy – just having a really rough day…”
Connor: “Is there anything I can do for you?”
There always has to be one child who can see you inside your madness.