I get really frayed around the edges when things do not go to plan.
I am not suggesting I am someone who is unable to adjust to the things that life throws at me, or that I am unable to adapt when the situation calls for it.
I can adjust my sails and pick a new course without too much ado. I am pretty flexible, and though I might first stand there like a deer in the headlights, I make decision and remain flexible in most situations.
I will confess that the last month has had one too many whoppers for me to deal with. This last week I have felt exhausted, and very sleepy, and by the time Friday rolled by I was already feeling like I was stretched that little bit too thin.
Then VODACOM came along and by the second hour of being bounced from one department to another, I think I lost the last remnants of my mind.
I could feel a full scale panic attack coming on whilst I was standing at the NOT ACTUALLY A VODACOM, BUT LOOKS LIKE A VODACOM store at Century City.
My heart rate was up, I could feel that breathing was starting to feel a bit laboured.
I was sweating up a storm, and I think I stopped blinking. I really was not having a fun time, and the fact that it was allowed to escalate, really felt like a donkey had kicked me in the nuts. Or if I had nuts where they might be.
I was actually unable to think clearly after that point and the balance of the day was spent in full scale panic and anxiety melt down.
Kennith came over to do dinner with the kids, and he made a suggestion about my phone which was quite obvious, but in my now panicked situation, I just could not get to myself.
On reflection, this has been a bit of a month:
1. I resigned, and left a structured employment arrangement for a wide open risk situation.
2. A friend died in a car accident.
3. I had a very surreal phone call from a friend about that friend, and how that friend felt about me – which made me ask all sorts of questions about myself. Life and stuff.
4. I had a car accident – which scared the living bejesus out of me.
5. I had to deal with insurance brokers (who were more than organised, and pleasant to deal with), arrange to get a rental, and then of course there is the assessor queries and all of that – and feeling constantly that I had done something wrong, or how I could have done this much damage to my car.
6. Kennith dropped off the final papers to submit to High Court. I had seen them before, so there was no surprise there — but the fact that I was holding a set of papers that was our divorce papers. Reality, set in here. In spades.
7. I worry that I have bills to pay and shit to do, and do not have a pay check that is going to be clearing in the next two days. <add increased heart rate and sweaty palms here>
There are of course a few other things that are happening in my life — no big deal stuff, but it does sometimes feel like I am a bit frazzled. Friday was the moment when my little train going up the hill going I think I can- I think I can …. just said, fck this shit, I am going off road.
Just going off the edge of reality. Don’t worry, I will send you a postcard. I can’t call you … because well you know, but I will send carrier pigeon or soemething.
I know I had a bit of a shit fit about my phone — but it seriously was the last straw.
I really started to have some real concerns about my welfare on Friday night —–
On Saturday night I still had NO SERVICE on my phone. I did call VODACOM again, and pretty much had written my life off at that point, because I could not face being bounced around by them.
I spoke to Kendric in Data – Technical or something of that nature.
He was pleasant and helpful, and resolved the issue quickly. He did try to end the call with a little add on sale ….. I didn’t hold it against him. Thanks Kendric, you have not quite restored my faith in VODACOM, but you have managed to assist me having a slightly saner evening.
And for that I am thankful.
I hope your week is a good one —– where ever you are …. and how ever you are spending it.
Image sourced: Contemporary Artist Jeremy Lipking – his work can be viewed here.