Trolls and idiots ….. especially the ones named Hank …..

I have been blogging for several years.

I have been on social media for several more.

I am used to the usual on-line bullying, trolls arriving and basically taking a shit on your door step in a brown paper bag and generally say things that are painful and hurtful.

5 years ago I had what can only be described as a breakdown. I had various other things happening in my life that I was not coping with.

There were 3 “social media” things that had happened in quick succession.

One I caused using poor judgement at work, one I happened to just be standing there and got caught in the fall out of a non related incident, and one had nothing to do with me but it felt like it was aimed at me.

People hiding behind “usernames” and “gmail” addresses and the like, get terribly brave and feel very little in the way of any real interest in you as a person, the subject and the damage they do.

They sweep in under the cover of darkness, cause chaos, step away like arsonists and watch the building burn, without taking any responsibility because “I just commented ……” – they want the building to burn, for no other reason than they have one match and in many cases know how to get a fire going.  Quickly.

I admit to saying stupid things sometimes – both in life and in the land of O’s and I’s.

I do hope that I learn from my errors, and when possible I apologise.  I accept we are all jerks given the right circumstances – and that given a few hours or days to reflect we realise that.  In time one hopes to be less of an arsehole than you are today, and each day get a bit less arsehole’ish.

That was 5 years ago – I have moved on a great deal from then.  I am not totally immune to trolls and people who are idiots, but their effect on me is less and they no longer consume me.

I realise it is their shit, and not mine, and I do not have to take it on board.

I realise they are trolls.  I realise their opinions, like arseholes, are things we are all entitled to one (sorry I know it is an old jab, but there we go) – before I would believe what they said, now I do tend to shrug it off for the most part.

They/Trolls/The Hanks in the world do not know me.

They have a perception of me, and their assumptions are just that — assumptions without much in the way of fact.  {if you read this blog and assume everything here is fact, then I have a bridge for sale I would like to talk to you about}

Yesterday a gentleman named Hank left a comment and it vexed me.

Not because he commented, not because he sounded like a ball-less turd with no sense of humour and an unholy obsession with the speed of cakes flying around on the N1.  He used ONE post from my blog to make a judgement about me and my parenting style.  (even if he read all 1030 or how many ever there are, that still does not mean he knows me.)

Again Hank, I actually do not give a flying fuck about your opinion.

The blog post in question for the most part made it obvious who has children and is coping with similiar stuff, versus people who do not have children and think because they have testes and possibly access to ovaries this makes them experts on parenting.

But none of that matters.

What matters for me — is that YOU — who does not know me and who told me you do not read my blog – attacked my children.

Listen Hank, I am not quite sure of which corner of the shit heap that is this universe you crawled out from under, but there are many things you can do or say to a blogger/mom.

Insult me, accuse me of making bad judgments,  not understand why the odd cake needs to be launched from a moving vehicle, and not grasp what it is like to fight with children over pieces of plastic.

I accept all of that from you with an open mind and to a large degree a bit of a shrug and a “ah well…. he is probably a bit of a c&nt”

Hank, I am on board with that.

If you want to be the biggest c&nty c*nt there is, then I support you in that.  I am there for you mate, right behind you.  I will wear “Hank is a C&nt” lapel pin if you need me to.

The part where you lost my respect (not that you ever had it, but I thought I would throw it in just so I appear classy and stylish) and you really stepped over the imaginary line that exists in the world, is the part where you deemed it was okay to comment about my children and who they are in this world.

You get that part – MY CHILDREN!!

Did you have CRACK for breakfast yesterday???

I wrote a very emotional post last night and posted it earlier, and decided to put it on “password protect” – if you know me, contact me and I will send you the password.  I don’t think it is for general consumption.

I agree it is way to much venom to put straight out there and takes away from the fact that a fellow named Hank felt it was okay — O-FUCKING-KAY —– to come out and attack my children and refer to them as delinquents – potential delinquents.

Hank, I dare you – I dare you to come and find me in public and say that to my face.

I actually dare you, seeing as you appear to have balls as big as burgers, to walk up to any mom in Pick ‘n Pay or any other retailer and offer her advise, criticism and then insult her children whilst she is doing the best she can, in the best way she can.

You know nothing about what it is like to be a parent and cope —- even if you are a parent, parenting your children or child, does not make you an expert on some one else’s – no more than owning a car makes you a motoring journalist expert.

Last night I was at Pick ‘n Pay buying the odds and ends, my kids were at home.  I watched a frazzled mom with two toddlers in her trolley going ape shit — like totally ape shit.  She looked like she had just fought the gladiators, and then for shits and giggles had gone to pull the hair off a tiger’s arse on a dare.

This woman was exhausted and one “whine” way from a full fledged breakdown.

Her kids were screaming.  Mental because she only had one #stikeez – she had clearly miscalculated and her bill was less than R300.00 so she got one #stikeez.

I got it. I stood there with my wagon of groceries and I wanted to go over to her and rub her shoulders, maybe play with her hair in a soothing manner  and say “fuck I hope they go to sleep early” – but I didn’t.

I also did not judge her and I did not pull any low blows — because I get it.  I fucking get it.  I have been there, and most of the readers on this blog have been there – we fucking live there. Your kids screaming like banshees whilst everyone else’s children appear so well behaved it makes you want to throw up.

Instead Hank you hide behind your work, email address (troll error 101 —- are you a virgin at this, or do you usually leave your work IP details behind for bloggers to find you?) and give me parenting advise.

Insult me, insult my children, and for good measure insult the people who have read this blog and commented.  Are you actually really and truly that much of a does??  I am overwhelmed by you.  By the sheer level of does you have managed to squeeze into one shitty comment.

My children have been through a divorce, a death and several life changing events in the last two years.  My kids are fucking awesome kids.  I commented about that in the earlier post and here is what I added there:

Like super FUCKING stars.

My son attended an eisteddfod this week and scored really well, even though he only had two days to prepare.  He donates his time when he can to causes that are close to his heart.  You understand he is 13 – he is 13 and volunteers.

What the fuck do you do when you are not lambasting bloggers?

My second daughter is stellar at Mathematics and might even one day get a job at Discovery Health (see what I did there) as a statistician. She is kind, loving and does not have a mean bone in her body.  She has friends who adore her.  She is kind, patient and will hug anyone who stand still long enough.  She can recite the periodic table — she is 10.

My other daughter is a fire cracker – she is bright, clever, fucking funny and I adore every inch of her.  She sleeps with me at night and drapes her chubby hand over my shoulder so that she lies close to me – she has slept with me since her father and I got divorced – kids sometimes need a bit of extra time and the close touch of a parent.

You understand right?

She is loved and adored.  She thinks our Nannies daughter is her sister —- I have not corrected her.  Why should I?

{does this in any way sound like maladjusted delinquent children?}

Hank – after today I will not give you another thought.  Though when I do, the fact that your name rhymes with Wank and your mom called you that, will make me smile a little childishly.

I do hope that even if you hate this blog, detest my tone and use of language and think my children are maladjusted little so-and-so’s you keep in mind, fuck with a blogger, go ahead, do that, in general we have skins that are fairly thick — but fuck with a mom’s children and you my friend make yourself out to be the biggest arsehole there is, and what ever else you might do or say is null and void.

I do hope that one day if you have the great fortune to become a parent, someone comes over to you, insults you, your wife, your child and your parenting style. To your face.

I do hope this happens to you, and you can reflect then as I hope you are now, that you my dear sir, are an arsehole of a proportion that I cannot even begin to fathom.

I do hope you never read this blog again.

I do hope that you live a long’ish life, but if you happened to die in a cake accident, I might not be too cut up about it.

My three kids and I are going to go off and skip down the hills singing that song “The Hills are alive with Music” —- I do hope you go and fuck yourself.

Yes, I said it.  But it is because I care.

Leave a comment


  1. Kathryn

     /  January 14, 2016

    Reasonable Hank more like unreasonable wank is a dick who picks on anti vaxxers picks on parents he always shoots below the belt just for show he gets of on all this no joke he finds it fun upsetting others he really is just a little boy in a mans body who needs more smacks (our maybe he got smacked an hurt an abused by his parents? Our maybe he was a child off the state who went from house to house never able to fit in. ) whatever it is that makes this guy tick he has a huge problem an other nuts on his page lap it up

  2. Neil

     /  August 22, 2015

    Absolutely love your blogs …

  3. Neil

     /  August 22, 2015

    Fuck Hank!!

  4. Lara

     /  August 21, 2015

    Just said this to someone today…have got to the point where if someone with no kids gives me parenting advice one more time I will go bananas! Single parenting is hard work!

    • No matter how bonkers my husband drives me at times, it must surely be easier than being a single parent.

  5. I recently had my second experience in someone ripping my blog to shreds this week. As it was much nastier than the first, it effected me much more negatively than the first had…thank you, for sharing this. I needed to read it.

    • It really can totally much with your mind — you start to think that this person actually knows you and their opinion has value. For some reason you start to think this.

      It doesn’t. Just because this person thinks you are a so-and-so, does it make you a so-and-so, no it doesn’t. It does however still feel painful and it hurts. It really is on line bullying but for big people.

      Say fuck it — or oh well, which ever fits with you and move on. These people do not matter in the bigger scheme of things.

      • Absolutely!
        It’s a bit sad their lives are so pathetic they have the time to leave nasty hate filled comments on the blogs of others. Pathetic.

  6. I’d say “fuck Hank,” but then he’d love the attention. Ignore Hank. You’re fucking awesome and knowing that I’m certain your kids are too. The old saying is “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” That said, Hank’s tree, and apples, evidently have worms. Sucks to be Hank today. If I had extra cash and saw that happen I’d cover that mum’s costs, just for the possibly happier day it might offer her. My mum would approve…just not of me swearing I suppose. And blessings to you too.

  7. Hank is learning the lesson of never picking on a Mother’s child. We become the defenders of the pack, teeth and claws on alert, ready for action. He is obviously an idiot, a member of”The Arrogance of the Ignorant” club. Declare him error and erase him from your thoughts. Your children are lovely, and you deserve applause for raising them so well.

  8. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Well that was a rant worth reading. I cooked some marshmallows over this post. Glad my name isn’t Hank… today… 🙂 -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

  9. I can so relate to this. I too was shocked, like physcially shaking, the first time a troll left a comment on my blog. Did I offend them? Might I have said it nicer? OMG someone hates me! And then I realized all that you so wonderfully put here, in more salty language than I would have dared, that it’s really their problem, not mine. The funny thing is, when you answer any such comments, they never, EVER come back and read them and apologize or dig in or whatever, they simply leave their shitpile like you said it so well and go elsewhere. I really would just ONCE like to meet such a person one day and have them look me in the eye and repeat the insults they hurl at you. They’re probably total cowards.

  10. JustAnotherFan

     /  August 19, 2015

    Trolls have been around a long time. When you in the public eye, best to have a thick skin and ignore them. Otherwise controversial read is always entertaining read.

  11. Hannes F

     /  August 19, 2015

    You madam, are an absolute legend! I stumbled across this and I find it absolutely and utterly insane! I for one love your choice of language and I’ll definitely be following so I can read more about what you have to say! Again, you are a legend!

  12. Ang

     /  August 19, 2015

    Please send me the password for Hank the Wank post, keep up the great blog I love it.

  13. I endorse every word you said. i am a granny now, but I remember well the days of going shopping with 3 kids. I was reminiscing the other day about having to go to Durban on the train with 2 toddlers and one a few years older. There is a reason why females are the stronger sex, and live (mostly) longer than males. We have broader shoulders and we need them, when we have to deal with morons like Hank. Keep on trucking, girl.

  14. OMG I just found your blog through a fb post!!! You are flippen awesome!!!
    I was in the throes of a “Hank” last week whats worse is my “hank” was a mom too! I couldn’t believe my life. Landing on this post has validated my beliefs abt motherhood and that we actually need to be more understanding of our struggles, all moms know what its like to have to deal with a seemingly cray child at the store…i was extremely hurt that another mom embarrassed me and judged me yelling “ccontrol your child” when all my son was doing was laying on the floor pretending to be a fish…

    I am a new follower and I def here to stay!

    Oh Hank can go jump off the nearest cliff!

    • Lol. Much worse could happen than laying around pretending to be a fish… 😀

      I get how single people with no children feel. I really do. If a child kicks someone’s seat through a whole trip, or messes up someone’s proposal in a restaurant a guy has been saving up for ages for, I totally, TOTALLY get why that would majorly p”ss you off.

      I don’t support kids behaving poorly. I don’t support my own child behaving poorly. But the reality is that sometimes you (and definately me!) just needs to take a deep breath and remind ourselves that “this too shall pass”. All kids are naughty. And they tend to pick the worst times to be! All we can do is teach them. And teaching takes time (and REPETITION unfortunately!) it does not happen in the wink of an eye.

  15. Well…who cares about Hank…I am glad I came across your blog thanks to Pick ‘n Pay.

  16. Lorraine van Wyk

     /  August 19, 2015

    Hi there… Awesome blog… Its good to realize that someone out there is willing to vocalize on the every day life of a mother. Well written and I will be following your blog from now on. As for the Wanker who commented and offended you and your children, he does not realize the struggles with being a mother in this day and age… You GO!!!

  17. Robert

     /  August 19, 2015

    I take my hat of to any single parent out there (mom or dad). Sometimes it feels like my wife and I are facing an army with the 3 we have. Or more like a handicap tag team match. You go girl and keep doing the best you can.

  18. I had to go back and find Hank’s comment on that post.
    It’s even worse than I thought.

    What a pity people like that end up on your blog and feel compelled to write shit like that.

    Anyway, I scrolled through the rest of the comments. You have many great readers/followers with a good sense of humour. I am one of them – you made me laugh so much, even your replies to comments. Brilliant.

    I will definitely “stalk you from now on so that maybe we can spoon on cold nights” – Haha!


  19. Those wankers that are high and mighty and think they owe the world and know everything….

  20. charne

     /  August 18, 2015

    By far the best blog post I have ever read……….raw, real, honest

  21. micary36

     /  August 18, 2015

    Bravo Celeste 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  22. Gillian

     /  August 18, 2015

    You go girl! The best thing about P’nP stickees is that I came across your blog.
    Also need a password!

  23. Damn, I need the password for Hank the Wank.

  24. People are jerks. You’re doing good mama.

  25. Love LOVE LOVE it!! I am a single mom of ONE child and sometimes feel like I am going to loose my shit! It is always those who has never had to take care of a child for a day that has the ‘best parenting advise’. The rest of us shakes your hand if you got through the week ‘without throwing your cake out the window of a car moving at 120/ph on the N1’.
    I say well done to you for saying it like it is and making those of us who are doing the very best we can, feel like we are doing the very best we can

    • Annette Linden

       /  August 18, 2015

      Oh and I wish I knew you so I could get the password for your initial blog post.

    • Annette, just wait till they have a child or their own. The hypocrites break every resolution they ever had (and then rationalize it away)…

      And then, when they are at their absolute witt’s end, feel free to laugh at them in their face 🙂 (Only ones that really deserve it by repeatedly and unreasonably butting in where thy have no business being, though. Be kind to everyone else.)

  26. Cathy

     /  August 18, 2015

    have you read Ellie from Have Some Decorum? She has ALS and someone commented about her fundraising.

  1. How the debate around Pick n Pay’s Stikeez may result in Hank being the most hated man in blogosphere & Larry being promoted to boss of the world | DeepintheMotherhood

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