Moving out, big girl decisions and big girl panties …..

This year has brought some new challenges and changes – which have been dragged in from 2015.

I would love to tell you I am embracing them and it is making me a stronger wiser person, but then I think, yeah fuck that, please can we go back to the old way, I am really tired of this adult shit.

It seems not.  The number they said I could phone is not being answered and the message box is full.

In summary here is what has changed and what changes are happening:

One:  Kennith and I continue to try our best to be civil to one another – it really is hard work trying to always communicate well, and to not stand swearing on the driveway with spittle on your chin.  It’s hard to keep up this entire “co parenting, co decision makers” vibe.

Two:  The house I am living in is the house that belongs to Kennith and I – the aim was to have the house on the market, and the house to sell – we would divvy up the proceeds and everyone would go off and do what they wanted.

Three:  For several reasons this house has not sold – but the area we live in is not known for fast house sales, it is just one of those suburbs where property does not move at an overnight rate.

Four:  I made a very stark realistation, that could no longer afford to live in this house (it is a large home and has upkeep and the running costs of a home this size tend to get a bit overwhelming eventually).

Five:  I started to panic around that and then I made the next realisation that right now I cannot afford to live in this house and if I moved out, where the hell would I go – and if I moved I would not have money out of the house (as it is not sold) and then where would I go with three children, and financially be able to keep up any semblance of our existing lives?

Six:  I worked through several permutations, and in each I tried to use the principle that the children would remain with me.

Seven:  The decision making flow chart that followed from there ended up not looking dissimilar from this — if you do not include the smudgy parts caused by tears and wine condensation running off the glass and making it’s own set of splotches.

1601_scribbles

Eight:  I realised (not quickly — but eventually after trying every possible combination) that it was not possible for me to live with the children.

Nine:  That realisation was not the most pleasant one I have had — and accepting it as the new reality was a very bitter pill to swallow.

Ten:  In short – the decision at the moment is that Kennith has given notice on the place where he lives. I will be packing up my stuff in the house and moving out in the last week of February.  The children will remain in the house.  Their stuff will remain as is – so there is very little in the way of things that will change in their world.

Eleven:  Kennith will move into the house in the last week of February, and I will move out.

Twelve:  Kennith and I will swap roles – we have a schedule of who takes to school and who drops off, and which days the kids are with whom.  This has been in place for about 18 months – and it works quite well.  I am lucky as I work for myself and this allows me flexibility, so if Kennith is away or has a work commitment I can pick up the slack.

Thirteen:  In terms of what will happen with the house that is still up in the air.  We have decided is a secondary issue to this one, which is swapping who lives with the kids, and in a few months time we can relook at how to proceed with the house (rent it out, one of us purchase it, or put it back on the market).

I was freaking out in December, the first two weeks or so of January 2016 had be on the verge of a total “poes” collapse.

Then I calmed down — I am not sure why, or how — I just calmed down.  A bit.

I do not feel so threatened, my anxiety about “losing my kids” has reduced, and in general I am in a much calmer state than I was a week or so ago.

I am trying not to think too hard about the kids, and the house, me moving out and and and ….. I am going with the never EVER been used philosophy for me of “what will be, will be….”

People, that is where things are at the moment.

It has not been an easy decision.

At a point it came down to the reality that this was the best decision, and actually in reality the only decision I had available, that would not put me in one bedroom flat, in a less than favourable neighbourhood with three children, a dog and a cat.

Decision has been made.  Now it is a case of just getting my head into the space of moving out —– and trying not to lose my shit too much.

{I really get anxious when there are changes on the home front – I can adjust to changes in other areas of my life, because I know when I get home, everything will be as I left it — so this change does make me feel a bit panicky, anxious and stressed.}

Anyway.  It is what it is.

 

1601_thoughts

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13 Comments

  1. You are incredibly brave, it takes a lot of courage to do what is best for your kids when your heart and head interferes. xx

    Reply
  2. You are being the very best mom possible.

    Reply
  3. love, kids and other things

     /  January 27, 2016

    Sending plenty of hugs your way! I have the hugest respect for you. Putting your kids first is easier said then done and some people can never see past that xxx

    Reply
  4. Darien van der Merwe

     /  January 26, 2016

    There’s nothing wrong with you and Kennith ‘swapping’ roles/homes. You are putting your kids first. It’s bullshit that people say that you are abandoning your kids – it takes a HUGE pair of balls to make the decision that you’ve made – hats off to you.
    Giving your kids a stable home with a parent they know and love with you close by is more than most children get in this f*uped world of ours. Never let anyone make you second guess your decisions.

    Reply
  5. Sorry to hear! I can’t imagine…
    What does your children say?

    Hugs, prayers, good vibes, big boots > sending everything your way!

    Reply
  6. I don’t like this. That’s a rubbish comment obviously, but I just don’t. You are immensely strong, which may be of no comfort!🙂 Will be thinking of you.

    Reply
  7. I take my hat off to you. That.is.all!

    Reply
  8. It takes a lot of strength to succumb to this situation and I’m very happy that you’re seeing it as “it is what it is”. Good for you!

    Reply
  9. charliesbird

     /  January 22, 2016

    Crikey! No wonder there were plots being lost! Sorry for this new, uncomfortable phase, sending cheerleader vibes over the interwebs, “Go RM, you can do it!”

    Reply
  10. Ai sounds so sensible when written down…but s####…….not lekka for you.Sure you will figure it out and all will be ok but strongs lady…lots of strongs coming your way.

    Reply
  11. Anita

     /  January 22, 2016

    These decisions are tough, good luck and stay positive.

    Reply
  12. Ilse

     /  January 22, 2016

    I don’t know what to say. I am in awe of how you keep on going no matter what.

    Reply

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