I am not a hooter.

I am not a hooter.  Hitting my hooter in the traffic is just not really something that I do.  It is usually because when an event occurs in the traffic where a sharp honk of the horn is the right, and only reaction, I usually cannot find the “hooter” spot on my steering wheel.

By the time I have, the event is long over, the idiot has crossed three lanes, and exited the highway and is sitting down with his chai-tea somewhere reading his YOU Magazine.

For some reason Connor wants me to be less afraid of my hooter.

He has taken it upon himself to point out incidents in traffic where he feels it would be appropriate to use my hooter.

He has recently taken to leaning over from the passenger seat and honking the horn on my behalf, which I find rude and an invasion of my space.

The way I get him back is now I hoot for him when he is standing with a group of his friends and it is obvious he (and all his friends) can see me.  Then I hoot at him.  And wave frantically like a Stepford Wife.  It’s sometimes the small victories that get us through the day.

Anyway on Friday there was an incident on the N1, and some jerk off cut in front of me.

I usually scream some expletive and then carry on with my life.  Connor felt we had been wronged and tried to be a passenger hooter.

He again admonished me for my lack of hooting prowess and I had to sit for the lecture.

I explained to him that hooting is the equivalent of walking somewhere and when someone does something that annoys you, you SCREAM at them.  Loudly.

I said that because there are a lot of people around you, you are really not going to scream at that person – its just not done.  You will swallow your anger, and no doubt purchase a chocolate and slam that into your face instead.

If the person is a total royal doos {for my 3 non-SA readers:  afrikaans word meaning “vagina” — but it is one of those words that in it’s self encompass someone being a total toss off} then you would scream at them, but they would need to be a TOTAL DOOS for you to scream at them in a public place.

Connor goes, “but you scream at us” — I said “I do scream at you, because in my normal voice no one seems to be able to hear me…” Connor says: “no, we hear you…..”

I thought that was the end of the conversation — but from the back of the car Isabelle pitches in: “We aren’t dooses and you scream at us….”

She then went on to use the word “doos” in every possible context – all of them being correct – until we got home.

I did not achieve much today, but I did teach my children the right use of the word “doos” … it’s not much of a win, but I will take it.

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