The stuff I learn from the Crime Investigation Channel ….

I like documentaries.  Unfortunately reality television has managed to find it’s way into nearly every channel, and reality television makes me want to bang my shin against the coffee table — really hard.

There is no History on the History Channel.  But if I have any interest what so ever in Pawn shops, then it appears it is the place to go.

I could also complain about most other channels in the same way.

The only channel that has not been affected, is the Crime Investigation Channel — well except for the show “The First 48 Hours” which I am not a fan of, but I digress.

Watching a documentary about Donald Piper who is eventually convicted on two counts of murder – however is suspected of at least four.   The women often work in the hotels, as housekeepers and they are killed whilst cleaning the rooms.

The MO is the same, and it is not limited to one hotel, it is happening across various hotels.  Each time he commits the crime he gets a bit more clever, and is leaving less and less information about himself.

Now the problem with hotel rooms is that there is a lot of “traffic” there – so it is not like they have to rule out the people who live there and discard those fingerprints — nope there is a few hundred fingerprints all over the room of different people, so these detectives are really have a difficult time of it.

I can’t recall if the perpetrator was killing these women, and posing their bodies, or also sexually assaulting them.

The crux of my story is that at some point the evidence team decide they will take the bed spread, wrap it neatly in plastic and take it to the evidence laboratory and then check it to see if they can find any evidence on it that will give them some sort of a DNA trace.

This is not the actual bed spread, but it is similar in that it has that wild crazy busy print.

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The technician, who looks like he has just learnt a valuable life lesson, explains that they unwrap this bedspread, they black out all the lights and use one of those blue lights to show up semen on the bedspread.

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It shows semen on the bedspread.  Initially they think “win we have evidence” —- and then they realise this bedspread lights up like a Jackson Pollock painting (see image below for a visual reference)

There was semen on the bedspread.  There were 120 DIFFERENT SEMEN STAINS.

“Waiter, bring the bill please …. I need to go now.”

It seems hotels do not wash their bedspreads as often as they should – hence the need for crazy designs.  On average once a year.

Yes, I retched a bit as well.

Tip 1:  Never stay in a hotel unless they have white linen.

Further in the same show, they suspect this guy who is the Maintenance Manager for a few hotels.

They approach him and ask him if there is any reason why they would find his semen in a particular room, where one of the women were killed, and it turns out that him and his wife had stayed in that room before and had sex, and that would be the reason his semen was in the room.

{let’s exclude the questions you and I are both asking about WHAT THE FUCK  IS HOUSEKEEPING doing in these establishments??….}

Any-the-who, same Maintenance Man phones the investigator the next day and says, well you are probably going to find semen in the rooms, the bathrooms and on the light shades or nearly every room.

Investigator:  “well thank you for telling us …. but why?”

Maintenance Man: “I used to go into every room in the hotel and masturbate on everything ……”

Investigator: “someone bring me spoon to dig out my inner ear so I can act like I never heard that….”

Tip 2 :  If you ever hire a Maintenance Man for a hotel chain, you may want to have an “excessive masturbation” clause as part of your employment contract.

Tip 3:  Invest in one of those black light numbers.

120 DIFFERENT SEMEN STAINS …… and you used to get all creeped out by your mattress having bed bugs.  It’s all about perspective.

 

I am a feminist because …. * I don’t think we should be telling our girls to get labia augmentation ….

… the worst insult is to be compared to a woman

… because I believe the world should be safe for women and girls .. everywhere

… because half the girls in Yemen will become child brides

… because 75% of people in Brasil believe that a woman who dresses in revealing clothes deserves to be raped

 

There are so many girl-boy things that piss me off, that I just did not notice.

I accepted and rolled with the punches.

Then I had a girl child and it all changed.

I started realising that I was treating my child differently because she had a vagina and my son had a penis.

The realise was not instantaneous.

It crept in, and then I realised that I was fostering the same belief system.

I got offended.  Then I got angry.

If I see one more plastic iron and ironing board in the kids’ section at Toys R Us, I am seriously going to shit in the aisle.

I hate the fact that if a boy cries someone says to him “stop crying like a girl.”

I get angry that if a boy shows any emotion then he is told that “He is a poesie” – because having a poesie/female parts is weak and means you are somehow lower on the totem pole.

Last time I checked women – for the most part – either pushed every person on this earth out of their vagina, or had the child cut out of her abdomen.  That is pretty hard core stuff.

Feel free to stick as many breasts as you please on sign boards advertising anything from LUX soap to CASTROL oil, but gd help if you breastfeed, because that will cause a public outcry.  And Facebook will suspend your account.

The idea of women being equal to men, is not to drag men down, or to make men feel small or inadequate.  It is about making sure that girls know that their equality is not dependent on them having pens in pink and purple …. seriously what the fuck BIC — who the hell thought up this humdinger?

 

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I look at music videos and I throw up in my mouth.

I watch movies with women and girls and I get angry – I do not want my girls to think that they need to be that girl to get noticed.

I look at girls fashions where shorts are shorter than the pockets of the same shorts.

I get angry that women are getting breast surgery, hymen surgery (to put it back — I shit you not) and labia surgery.

Where, where have we lost our way and how will we ever find our way back?

Have a girl child …. it will change your life.

 

 

 

They are back singing about knots ……

I love loved and still do love “”What Does the Fox Say?” — I still listen to it, I am that person.

The guys are back and have made another almost as catchy song, Trucker’s Hitch.

 

 

 

My head is a hive ….

head is a hive

Rocky Horror Picture Show at The Fugard {Must freaking see…}

I really love The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I know every line of every song, and all the dialogue.

Big fan. Me.

I went along a few months ago to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show at The Fugard, and I loved it. I thought I would arrive and be disappointed as it did not match up to the movie and and and ….

Wrong!

It was brilliant.

Last night was the 300th performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and they are back here in Cape Town until November.  The show last night surpassed brilliant.

It was even better than the previous time.

Loved the show – adored the ad libbing, and the entire evening was so much damn fun.

If you have a passing vague interest in The Rocky Horror Picture Show or are a fervent fan, then do yourself a favour and go to see The Rocky Horror at The Fugard in Cape Town.  Book at Computicket.

Brilliant.  Brilliant.  Brilliant.

With the unbelievably talent —- and quite jaw dropping Brendan van Rhyn as Rocky ….. 

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{this is not a sponsored post, I bought my own tickets and my own alcohol….mostly}

5 Finger shoes —- those shoes make me want to punch a baby …..

This made me snort with laughter today … much needed.

 

5 fingered shoes

 

 

 

These by the way are five finger shoes ..

 

Vibram FiveFingers Signa Water Shoes

Mommy doesn’t have a favourite child …

favourite child

Legalising Marijuana …. no this is actually my question to you….

I am not sure where I sit on this subject.

If I was fighting Stage 4 Lung Cancer and my doctor leaned over and told me that my pain and life would be easier if I went along and used cannabis on a daily basis, I don’t think I would care too much about what the law said.

I am probably still quite conservative when it comes to drugs —- I am a bit of the rules are the rules sort of person, and I struggle to weigh responsible drug use against say drug abuse and wearing hemp and shitting in a forest.  And moving from one drug into stealing your mother’s door knobs for TIK.

That being said I seem to have no issue with my pharmacist handing me a Pick ‘n Pay bag of medication marked anything from S4 to S6 that I take on a daily basis.

I tend to believe a man/woman in a white coat – with or without the stethoscope.  If he happened to hand me a baggy with a bank logo on it, I would be equally inclined to nod and say thank you very much ma’am.

I really am trying to work through the various avenues of the benefits and possible insanity of legalising cannabis.

I do recognise that I self medicate with wine — often, and well that no doubt is doing more damage than cannabis could ever do.

I was sent this link — I believe it is not the most “balanced” interview and debate, so let’s not take too much of this as gospel – William Wallace from Below the Lion and Mamazane Maphanga speaking on behalf of ….. fuck I don’t know where …..  she is having a very irrational debate about Dagga Legalisation on the SABC Newsroom.

Mamazane Maphanga is probably not a great person to bring to this sort of a debate.  She might not be a good representative to take to anything actually.

Who cancelled, so they brought her on?  Wow!  I have heard my son debate better about an extra half an hour of computer time. And he often pulls out a pie chart and sometimes a laser pointer.  She just keeps saying she strongly disagrees.

Okay, got that. Do you have anything else in your arsenal?  No.  Okay, then keep saying “I strongly disagree” —– was it only me who thought that whilst she was making a point, she always looked like she was holding a little roach there ….. it might just be me.

Even if she was arguing venomently against introducing saber toothed tigers selling crack on the local school playgrounds, a quarter way through her rant I would be for it — what ever it is for it.

Just to make her stop.

She needs some sort of medication or at the very least a little afternoon sleep to calm the hang down.  Or to have spent just a bit of time on google.

She has managed to not use ONE fact or statistic in her entire debate …… to be honest after listening to her for a few minutes I am feeling an overriding urge for cannabis myself or maybe just a hemp blanket to smother her with.

You know William Wallace is about to lose his shit when he takes his alice band off ….. this shit just got real.

 

 

My question is what are your thoughts around legalising cannabis — and what will you say to your children?

I am still working through my thoughts on this.

And in other impulse control news …..

too much

The peaceful majority were irrelevant …..

I found this particularly good —–  

Brigitte Gabriel gives FANTASTIC answer to Muslim woman claiming all Muslims are portrayed badly »

 

 

This has got to be the funniest thing I have seen this week …

{wipes snot off cheek from laughing so hard}

 

homeopaths

Good morning …. I appear to have found more Ben Dahlhaus ….

Ben Dahlhaus …. the gift that just keeps on giving ……

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Ben Dahlhaus

 

 

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On that note, enjoy your Monday further.

 

 

 

This whole grown-up thing has been a hoot …..

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Happy weekend everyone!

Reading to your children ….. free podcasts with stories

There is huge value in spending time sitting with your child and reading them a story.

No doubt there are studies and experiments, and scientific journals dedicated to just this area of parenting and whether a child that has been read to, fares better at school than a child that was not read to.

 

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I enjoy reading to my children.  Sometimes I am reluctant to abandon my tv show to go and sit on their beds and read “Find Teddy Bear” or what ever the book is called.

Once I have read the story, I always feel good.  I get that little warm glow that you do when your realised you have done parenting well, or just a bit well.  I also enjoy, as the kids age, the changing levels at which they participate in the stories.

How they remember the “punch lines” or realise too quickly if you have tried to skip three pages. Or make the sounds of the character eating, or sleeping or falling.

Connor is too cool for me to read him a story.

I usually read stories to Georgia and Isabelle together.

There are times however when you can’t always read your child a book, but it would be nice to have some of the classic tales read to them, or have good podcasts on hand.

I know it is easier to pop on a DVD to pass the time, but the beauty of reading is that it creates the story in your child’s head, and your child’s imagination fills in the details — which often they can’t do with a DVD, because all the details are supplied.

I like what goes on in my head when someone tells me a story, or when I read a story.

My brain is able to imagine the tastes, the smells, the sights and the sounds.  My “hearing” of the story differs from everyone else’s, and that is the power of reading and books.

I read the Book Thief and it was one of those stories, the easily evokes the scenes and the characters in your head.  Everyone who I now who has read it, was equally enthralled with the story, and how their mind was able to sketch and colour in the characters.

I am always looking for audio stories that I can play to the kids either when we are driving, or maybe when they are tucked into my bed, and I prefer them not to watch a movie.

I found a few on this site – IONA.FM  this morning, and it includes

Alice in Wonderland

Playtime (BBC Learning)

Step inside a Story

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Secret Garden

There are also several Afrikaans podcasts, which are pretty good, and really useful if your child is learning Afrikaans at school and you have an accent like I do when you are trying to help them with their pronunciation.

There are 25 podcast channels for books for children at this stage.

If you were wondering where Gareth Cliff went to –  you can also find him here:

cliff_central

There are several podcasts – you may want to listen to : Clinical Sexologist Prof Elna McIntosh in studio chatting to Gareth on the Gareth Cliff Show would be an interesting one to start with.

 

Happy podcasting.

For those of you who have never heard of …..

For those of you who have never heard of …..Ben Dahlhaus — it’s a pleasure …

 

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No, this blog post serves no other function that just a place you can stare at Ben Dahlhaus …..

 

Need a bit more?

Pop along here – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2695608/Is-hottest-man-earth-right-Watch-David-Gandy-Ben-sad-face-Dahlhaus-supermodel-crown.html

You can also go over and be his friend on Facebook — he looks like a lad that does not have enough friends – https://www.facebook.com/bendahlhausofficial

His instagram has 9 posts, and just short of 2 000 followers — http://instagram.com/bendahlhausofficial

 

A mental mind fuck can be nice.

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I know all the words to The Rocky Horror Picture Show — the dialogue and all the words to the musical interludes.

Last year I went along to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show at The Fugard.  I was expecting it to be bad, or slightly not great.  Partly because I worship the show so much, and I felt any attempt at it would fall short of the original and leave me dissatisfied, and wanting.

I was wrong.

It is not the first time, and my guess is that it will not be the last time.

It was fucking incredible.  I loved it.

The show was brilliant, the cast were ….. oh my god they were good.

It is back on at The Fugard in Cape Town, from the 22 July 2014 — get tickets, put on your corsette, pull on a pair of stilettos. and rock yourself into a smile.

It is so fucking good — enjoy!

 

rocky-horror

 

Book at The Fugard – not to be missed!  https://www.facebook.com/TheRockyHorrorShowFugardTheatre

 

“Weird Al” Yankovic – Word Crimes

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Sadly I am often guilty of several of these Grammar and Word Crimes.

I really enjoyed this one from “Weird Al” Yankovic.

 

 

 

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WordCrimes

 

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For parents, happiness is a very high bar …..

 


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The parenting section of the bookstore is overwhelming—it’s “a giant, candy-colored monument to our collective panic,” as writer Jennifer Senior puts it.

Why is parenthood filled with so much anxiety?

Because the goal of modern, middle-class parents—to raise happy children—is so elusive.

In this honest talk, she offers some kinder and more achievable aims.

Excellent podcast : http://iono.fm/e/83282

Or view the Ted Talks : http://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_senior_for_parents_happiness_is_a_very_high_bar

 

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I found this bottle of booze in your room …

cyanide

I don’t believe in beating my children ….

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