The dilemma of bloggers and blog readers everywhere …..

I think this image accurately depicts the “trauma” all bloggers and blog readers go through.

I have got much braver about commenting on blogs in the last year.

I know in the beginning I was all wide-eyed and red-faced at the very thought of commenting on some cool person’s blog.  I would read the post in awe, and then sit there and think “I can’t comment, I can’t think of anything clever to say …. everything sounds so naff….” and then I would sit there.

I have a similar problem with Facebook and then often my “comment” runs through my mind so much and I evaluate then re-evaluate, and then try to think what the person will read, that it becomes so “paralysing” that I go back and delete it.

I think Mommy Bloggers have it a bit harder than most .. but I can only speak as a Mommy Blogger.

Blogging can be very cliquey (is that the correct spelling?) and there is some inherent bitchiness, and new bloggers compete to be noticed, and there is always the “IT” blogger whose attention everyone is vying for.  <<it by the way is not me, in the event you needed some guidance on that issue>>

Or am I just reading a bit more in to it than it actually is?

I think blogging does start as a personal vomit about your shit, and that is why people read it.  A bit like slowing to look at a car accident and gawking at the blood spatter and seeing if you can see the injured person in the ambulance – or am I the only person who does this?

The problem with “blog traffic” is that at some point you stop writing about what you really think and how you feel, but you start to write what appears to be “popular” and then you lose the plot from there.  Or so I think at any rate.

I am as guilty of that as much as the next person of being aware that someone is reading this now, so maybe I need to tailor what I say.

It is sometimes difficult to stick to your opinion and put your neck out on an issue when you realise the “popular” discussions are going in another direction.  So as much as I want to say what I think, I do start to question how acceptable it will be to put it out here, or there.  And then I start to think too hard about what I say, and who I say it to.

And then I just become a cookie-cutter blog ….. sad but true.  Don’t you love social paranoia??  It rocks!

<< apologise for not being able to credit this image, I dropped it on my desktop ages ago, and unfortunately there was no reference on it …. so apologise for no credit on the image>> 

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To forum or not, that is the question ….

Just wanted to check – are you ever going to join us back at Moomie, or have you completely closed that chapter in your life? I miss your wit.

I have been asked this question a few times as of late.  I left the last sentence on ” I miss your wit” for no other purpose that to stroke my feathers of vanity.

I am shallow like that.

The reality <and short answer> is “no … I am choosing to opt out of forums … for my own sanity… really”

I do miss Moomie.  It was a great forum for me.  It is run well and most of the girls there are so nice.  They give selflessly of their time and energy.  While I was part of Moomie I often started a conversation in the real world with “We were talking on Moomie about …..” because the forum became part of my life.

There are clusters of people I really liked, almost loved.  There are clusters of people who I would rather reverse over with my car, in the dark, while drinking a McDonalds Caramel Chocolate McFlurry.

The problem with forums, is that it is like standing at a cocktail party.  Yes, you will chat to your own little clique, but you still need to be polite and civil to everyone.  Sometimes you end up in a conversation with someone who really is not lucid or sober.  And who constantly misunderstands you and sort of spits when they talk.

Inevitably you say something you should not have said, and then all hell breaks loose.  Then one starts to argue.  On the Internet.  With people. Of no consequence.  Who you probably would not have spent time with in real life.

My poor judgement caused me to start thinking that a forum was safe and “private” – and that I can speak freely and I was cushioned in a kind of bubble.

I crossed the imaginary line between what is probably good judgement and then just being stupid.

If you put it on a forum, expect it to come back and hit you in the face.  Much like a shit covered spade. Repeatedly.

Without the aid of clever emoticons and smiley faces, people can sometimes take things out of the context they were meant (me included).

I tend to read comments with a “voice” – sometimes a whiny voice, sometimes a screaming voice, sometimes with a Parow accent or a nasal Johannesburg accent – it all depends on the personality which I have attached to the owner.

I associate a personality to each person – and in reality, many of them I have not met.  My perception of them is that they are an entire person, which I have created, in my head.  Based on a few vague conversations, I have created an entire functioning human being – and they in turn think they know me because they know a slither of my life. < the similiarities between forums and blogs are not totally lost on me….>

Kennith says my “social filters” are lacking.   They are, my doctor agrees.

The more nervous I get, the more my “social filters” fail me.

The more personal I think the space is the more my  “social filters” start to disintegrate.

Add nervousness and alcohol, and the entire process needs some psychiatric care or at the very least a name change and a membership to the nearest witness-relocation-programme.

I learnt that forums aren’t that safe and not really a good idea (for me.)

I learnt that some people are wankers, and you can’t actually change them.  They really need to just let them go off and be wankers, and not waste your energy trying to de-wanker them.

I learnt that I am a bit of a douché-bag and really should spend my energy not being a douché-bag as opposed to try to make other people see my point of view.

I learnt that I do not have the amount of energy that one needs to be able to deal with that many people, that often, in my personal space.

So I have stopped on forums.  I seldom read blogs.  I stop in on Facebook maybe every one or two weeks. Briefly.

Social media did push me that little bit too far over the edge of where I really could safely go.  Forums <my ability to interact on them> were not the cause of my demise but it was a contributor.

I realised that I am not really “able” or “ready” to communicate on a forum and be able to heed the “boundaries” that I should set in place.

Every now and then I see a comment on Facebook from one or two people from the forum-space, and it always makes my blood run cold.  The experience was quite jarring for me, and clearly I am not all “forgive, forget and skip through the daisies…” material.

The best thing, for me, was to remove myself from social media, and right now I tread carefully.

The first two or four weeks left a gaping wound, and I would often hover my mouse over the icon to click-through and go and lurk.

Strange thing happened, people who I really missed realised that they could communicate with me via email, sms or skype, and did not have to wait until I appeared on a forum to say “hi!”  Bless them.  When I felt really lonely and alone, it was a real comfort to have little notes pop up of people who I did miss, who made the effort to stalk me and make contact.

I think I was desperately looking for something there that I needed.  But it was not the space to get it.

Without getting all Freud/Jung on your arse, I really need to look internally to fix my shit, than run around forums and hope someone there can fix me or offer me insights that resonate with me.

I wish Moomie all the best – and really want it to go from strength to strength.  Really.  It is a wonderful forum.  Deja who runs it is so awesome she makes me weep.  She has developed a wonderful place for women to chat and make friends.  Really.

<< As far as forums dealing with moms and for moms, I think Moomie is the best one around.  As for me,  Moomie has had some great spill overs.  I do however still feel an overriding urge to get my car out and reverse it over a few people, but I am in therapy so am working through those thoughts.>>