Where is she going?

whereisshegoing

Source:  http://bluntcard.com/100new47.php

Happy Friday everyone! {appropriate for this time of year}

Advertisements

Stay at Home Moms …. kill me now!

If I have ever spoken derogatively to a stay at home mom, I would like to offer my sincerest apologies.

If I have ever used a tone in my voice to make it sound like the fact that I have a job to go to (that allows me to brush my teeth and leave the house) is in any way better than your situation, please let me offer my humblest apologise.

I am working from my little corner in my house.  Each morning I wake up and get out of bed, as if I have a place to go to work.

I shower and brush my teeth simultaneously, dress, scream at kids to get ready, throw kids in car, forget something and have to go back, scream at kids for fighting in car, try to explain to Connor that I am slightly not interested in his Star Wars sticker collection ….. check that everyone is buckled in, reverse, argue with Georgia over {insert several options}, check time realise I am late …. get a bit stressed

I stick to a schedule that in my head I need to be “at the office and working” no later than 08h30.

All of this “drop off madness” goes on for about an hour.

But then I have three kids safely deposited at various schools across the northern suburbs, and I head home to make some tea, a nutella smeared sandwich and quietly (yet happily) work until about 16h40 and then I dash off to grab kids and it all begins again.

I have quiet content working time from 08h35 – 16h40.  Bliss does not even begin to hint at it.

No one is screaming.

No one is arguing.

No one needs a bum wipe.

I just get on with my day and it is all rather blissful.  I am a little worker bee content with my lot in life.  Happy. Happy. Content is me.

But then last Wednesday Isabelle was sick and stayed home.

My day descended into crying, moaning and the constant pulling of the corner of my jacket and the high pitched whine of “Mem, Mem, Mem …” in ever louder repetition (from Isabelle, not the maid, though she also calls me Mem….go figure).

Isabelle was off sick on Wednesday and Thursday.  Thursday I said that even if she has the bubonic plague she is going to school on Friday.

I don’t care if she infects every last child in her school, as long as I can have a few hours away from that incessantly whining and crying.

50 kids sick is a small price to pay for my 8 hours of peace and mental stability.

Friday arrived and she was still really sick.  I dressed her for school oblivious to the fact that she was coughing up a lung and green coloured sputum.  I just wanted her to go to her place where they make something arty with a Marie biscuit and she gets to play with her little Asian friend, and be 2km away from me.

Kennith called and said I really should not be sending her to school.

I cussed, only because he was right and I knew that the next 8 hours were going to be painful and only one of us was going to get medication.

Geez Louise!  At least I had today to send her off to school – and I think I might have hummed in happiness after I dropped them off.

I have absolutely no idea how stay at home moms cope.  I am convinced they are made from a certain mettle (not sure how to spell that, too lazy to go and google it) which I appear to have an alarming under supply of.

Stay at home moms, I seriously have no idea — like none —- how you do it, and appear to remain sane!  I don’t envy you, but I am amazed in wonder and humbleness.

{like Reluctant Mom, please pop along and vote over at Kidz World Blogger Awards}

I forget stuff ….

At the moment I am finding it really tricky to stay on top of things.

Fetch kids from school today – it was 17h00 – I am holler-holler for being early…or so I thought.

Connor is all “it is science fair day, and we need to go to the school hall, and they will not have this for another 10 years…”

I had forgotten about it.  Though the school had easily given me half a dozen reminders.

I pushed my Clicks sunglasses to the end of my nose and look at Connor thinking “wonderful marketing campaign they have dreamt up my boy…” and thought shit “it is late, I really do not have any cash on me, and I really have a runny tummy …. so please gawd do not make me stand in the middle of a school hall …. please …for the love of wine…”

More importantly Grade 1 – 3 are doing science fair from frk-knows-when until 18h30 and then the Grade 4+ take over from there.

It is 17h15 now …..

I said okay kids, you have 15 minutes and then we are out of here …. then they whined, and moaned …. and yelled and negotiated ….Connor re-explained that as he was in Grade 4, he could not take part until 18h30 …. I appreciate sometimes he talks to me in a way I can understand.

I stil l had a runny tummy and no where to go. I do not do public toilets.  I don’t do school halls with screaming children and too many people.

It became purgatory in a school hall with very loud children, stupid paper areoplanes and capatilism until way past where you humour departs and your large colon decides that there is only one way out of this situation.

I eventually had to leave at 18h05 as Pepe needs to go home.  Granted she goes to church as she sings in a choir, so I really can’t make an issue against it.  The minute you bring religion or menstrual cycles in as an argument, you pretty much disarm the other person.

I race home with Georgia, sms Kennith that he needs to buy the “blowey balloon thing” as she saw it and now she will not stop about it.  I had to leave Connor at school – alone …. well alone with 600 other people.

I get home, Pepe zoots out the door.

I give Georgia dinner, I go down the passage to go the toilet – my tummy has been a bit funny today – so I can’t leave Isabelle walking around as she will probably paint san.at.ic symbols on the outside walls, so I head to the toilet, for a crap, with Isabelle sitting on the shower step eating her biscuit.

Georgia did come in three times, to explain why she was not going to eat her pumpkin.  At a certain point I seriously thought about throwing pumpkin+dinner plate out the window.

But I was on the toilet so could not actually reach the bathroom window and still retain my dignity.

Fabulous.

The rest of the evening pretty much went to plan.  Other than Kennith singing lyrics from Jack Parow.

But then I sms’s a person who I did not know.  By accident.  And then I had to have a conversation via sms that was all sorts of strange.  With someone I sms’d by accident.  She is coming over on Saturday night.  Still do not know who she is.

Such is my life.  <reach over and sip some wine….>

Sometimes a picture says what you think …..

I really am a fan of blunt cards and the way they say exactly what I am thinking.  In the most politically incorrect manner possible.

Before you start clicking your tongue in judgement and wondering whether you should compose a quick note to me drawing my attention to the joys of motherhood, and what I may missing, please don’t — really please don’t.  Not this week.

I love my kids – I know at times with the amount of emotional vomitting I do, you are starting to wonder at which point do you actually call Child Services.

I have realised I just don’t enjoy being a mother all the time.  The job is hard, it is thankless, it is monotonous, it does not pay particularly well, and it stretches your patience level more than your IQ level.  I know we are all programmed to say how much we doggone love it, and that it is the best job in the world, but seriously I have no idea which spin doctor is selling that sh&t to us, and more importantly why we are eating it up.

I am having some concerns it is possibly men who would rather go to the office than clean shit of tiles, and also previously disgruntled moms who figured if they had a shit time of it, there is no way they are telling in the event you find a way to get out of it and rob them of the happiness of watching you have a nervous break down.

I have no idea how this conspiracy was started.  But I appear to be as much of a “victim” as the rest of you chumps.

I know that I need to just keep my head down until it passes and I am all unicorns and fairy dust, until then, not so much.  But that being said this Blunt Card so perfectly tells you what I want to say – or say as a whisper to myself 1/2 the day at the moment.