I really forgot ….

I am quite a creative person, but I get impatient with many aspects of  “being creative.”

I love other people scrapbooking, I can’t bear the packing out and packing back process, so I have never scrapbooked.

I love the idea of preparing lavish cakes and cupcakes.  But I know a lady who I can buy from which is far easier than me making anything.

I am creative.  Unfortunately I am about as lazy as shit drying in the sun.

I love photography.  I really do.

I started doing shoots on weekends in 2011, and as nervous as I was about fucking them up, I enjoyed walking away with the bits and pieces of people’s lives.  I did it for about a year.  It was time-consuming.  It tapped in to my greatest fear, which is meeting new people, engaging with them, and then the stress of producing something, which I could fuck up by just setting the wrong aperture.

I liked that I captured a moment through a lens.

I liked being there to see stuff.

I liked the fact that sometimes I saw details that other people might have not seen or disregarded.

For me photography is a hobby.  Even when I charge a fee it barely covers the time it takes me to go there on a weekend, and the babysitters bill.

So photography was never about the money – it is about something that makes me happy inside my soul.

Of course it appeals to my social phobia, and being able to be somewhere, but at the same time hide behind a lens.

The part about photography that is not always realised is the editing time.  A shoot of 2 hours, can often result in 4 – 6 hours editing.  When you are doing it as a hobby, and not a form of income, it can really be a challenge to find the time above work, kids, alcohol, chocolate easter eggs, drugs, reading, trying to start a multi-billion rand business with my metal giraffe, and finding the time to sit and do edit reams of images

My lovely, gorgeous and probably one of the people I love the dearest in the world – Judith Cross – agreed to do a Maternity Shoot with me some time ago.  We did the shoot on the Saturday, it was fkn hot, and she was a star.

I dragged her around, and at some point she was pole dancing with a tree, which I thought alone was worth a prize!!

On Monday she was puking and throwing blood and faeces all over the delivery room, as she pushed Benjamin Cross in to the world.

Today (Benjamin is nearly at first year University) I was sitting going through some of the images, and it reminded me how much I enjoyed being part of someone’s life from the other side of the lens.

There are so many fantastic/wonderful/talented photographers out there, and really I cannot compete with their skill and dedication levels.  I am a total newbie.  I total almost-set-my-SLR-on-automatic-when-the-going-gets-too-tuff.

I really do miss it.

I really do.

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Old wordpress site which I have not updated in ages:  http://celestebarlow.wordpress.com/

I took some photos of The Stiletto Mom some time ago – and I was really happy with how they turned out.

I do enjoy a little blog loving … from other bloggers

I love it when I hear from new readers to my blog, and I like it even more when they seem to relate to the stuff I churn out this side.

I realise I am not the soft lighting Living and Loving Mom with the happy gurgling baby (only because they have turned down my numerous requests for a photo shoot and styling ideas ……) nor am I the happier than happy cookie cutter mom you can google.

I get why someone likes a happy person, but I realise I am just not happy folk  – faking happy leaves me exhausted and usually clutching a large bottle of Chenin in the corner with a bendy straw.

But nonetheless even angry resentful people like to be shown a bit of love on occasion.

I got a “Hello” from mom305.wordpress.com – who is a new blogger and she gave me a little blogger love/pimping in the form of a “Thanks for Writing” Blog Award.

Part of this kind of thing is to create relationships between bloggers.  To find out new invasive information and to also introduce readers to new bloggers out there.  So it is all good.

It is blogging’s equivalent of a chain mail letter, just without the threat of anal leakage if you do not pass it on.  I am more than happy to pass this one along and spread the love.

So my end of the deal is to share some stuff with you:-

Include the award logo in your post or on your blog – here I am going to amend slightly.  I love blog awards, but if the graphic is lacking,then I sort of give it a little spruce up.

So I am including the existing image as supplied to me:

And then I improved (or destroyed depending on your frame of reference) and created an amended/new one – so if you are here to grab the image, please feel free to us the original or the one I created and am using:

Say 7 random things about yourself that the readers don’t know yet

This might be a bit difficult as I tend to tell you everything including my toilet routine, but here goes:

1.  I have Micophonia which is a strong reaction to sound – specific sounds.  Doors slamming, someone chewing, rattling of windows and so on – the sound takes over everything and gets so loud in my head that my teeth literally get put on edge.  It is more common than you think, with no known cure.  The only possible assistance is CBT and to keep up your anxiety medication.

2.  I am so excited that Linkin Park is coming to Cape Town.  I normally am less than arsed to go to a show, I am normally more than happy to get the live DVD, but I will make Linkin Park the exception.  So going to that concert.

3.  I have been on sleep medication since September last year.  It has literally changed my life.  I take medication to make me go to sleep, and medication to keep me asleep.  It has wonders to manage my anxiety, stress and depression.  Cannot recommend it enough.

4.  I used to bite my nails right down to the quick – that little half-moon in your nail.  I have always bitten my nails.  In 1999 I went along to Dream Nails and put an acrylic set and kept it maintained for a year.  It broke the habit.  But, I have to keep my nails long, as when I cut them short I tend to start putting them in my mouth and nibbling on them.  So, I have long nails but the only reason is to stop me biting them – strange but true.

5.  I give blood – and I hate needles, like throw up hate.  I go along, and then look the other way from when they do the pin prick on your finger to when they put the needle in to take blood.  I really feel violently ill and scared when I see the needles, so I just don’t look.  The blood transfusion bank also put a cover over my arm so I do not have to see anything.

6.  I really love my little Boston Terrier – but the fact that he is not getting toilet training is doing my head in.

7.  I have discovered Red Velvet cake this year and I am so very glad we got introduced — and then eat the entire thing like a crazed lunatic cake eater!

Nominate 5 – 10 other Blogs you admire …..

This one is going to be particularly difficult because I have been on a social media and blog black out for a few months.

It was nothing personal it was purely because I had started to blur the line between what was important and what was other people’s stuff.

I needed to get some space and focus my head in my stuff.   I had a total rock bottom crash last year, and one of the factors was definitely my inability to rationalise between what was really related to me and all the other noise that exists on the internet, and how I processed it.

But that being said, I am happy to PIMP blogs that popped in to my head — but I do wish to apologise that I do not follow them as much as I used to, and I avoid commenting even though I lurk around you and you just don’t know it.

The kicking single motherhood up the arse Charlotte over at http://thestilettomum.wordpress.com/

The wry and brilliant Countess Kaz over at http://countesskaz.wordpress.com/

The spectacular and often-makes-me-sniff-back-snot Sharon over at http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/

The legendary and awesome Laura at http://www.harassedmom.co.za/

The how-the-hell-does-she-keep-it-all-together Cat over at juggelingactoflife.blogspot.com/

The super model beautiful and talented Natasha over at http://www.littleandbunny.blogspot.com/

I could go on for quite a while.  If I did not mention you I am sure that one of the above bloggers will when they do their own PIMP list.

Thanks for the props Mom305.

If other bloggers wish to pick this up and pass it along, here is a quick should-do list:

1. Include the award logo in your post or on your blog

2. Say 7 random things about yourself that the readers don’t know yet

3.  Nominate 5 – 10 other blogs you usually follow

4. Let the nominees know that they are nominated & include their blog-links

5. Link the person who nominated you