The outing to the bottle store …..

someecards-parenting

So I am at the bottle store this afternoon, trying to buy two bottles of wine with three children in tow.

As you do.

Standing in the queue to pay.  Not a very long queue.  No problems here.

True as nuts, a man who who clearly is height-challenged joins the queue behind me. I am not sure what the correct term is – but clearly he was shorter “than normal” and his body was slightly out of proportion.

No problem.

It’s a bottle store, who am I to judge.

Isabelle points – not subtly – but points, and then hoots with laughter.  I have no idea what she is saying, but she is hooting and pointing, like you do at a circus – and she starts jumping from foot to foot and HOO-FUCKING-TING.

I cling a bit closer to my two wine bottles, and start to prey to the gods of bottle-store-queues that I can pay and get the hell out of there.

I turn to him and smile and say “Sorry …..”

Georgia who never wants to be left behind, also starts speaking in a high pitched voice, pointing, squeeling and hiding behind me — and also speaking in a REALLY LOUD VOICE FOR A BOTTLE STORE.

I actually have no idea what she is saying, because I am trying to put a bottle in each ear and sign LA-LA-LA-LA-LA really really loudly.

Again I turn around, smile and say: “I really am sorry, I have tried to lose them in retail outlets, but they keep finding me….”

Isabelle picks up the slack, and is laughing, holding her tummy and sort of bending over double …

Again, I turn around and apologise profusely.

I did promise that as soon as we get home I would have a conversation with my kids about inappropriate pointing and speaking in really loud voices.

Eventually it was over. I could leave. This guy could pay for his purchase and I could herd my kids into the car.

I am off to the library to look for a book titled: “We are all different and we definitely should not scream and point whilst in a bottle store queue!!”

Every time I think I have this parenting thing right, then one visit to the bottle store and I realise it might be to give Jo Frost a call.

and meanwhile someone drops their baby … but doesn’t drop the call ….

parenting_fail

{————————————————}

Have a happy weekend, where ever you might be!!

Advertisements

You are the adult … buckle up your child …. you dumb ass!

I get so annoyed when I am driving and I see kids who are not bucdles up — I get angry, like roll down your window and scream like a mad woman when I see kids jauntily bouncing around on seats and the parent blissfully driving along.

I do the morning school drop off and the afternoon school pick up – and easily more than 70% of the cars I see with children have the children driving seat-belt free.

I see the lack of putting a seat belt on yourself and your child as an indicator of IQ – or the lack of it in a certain area.

I do look at the person, then I look at the car they are driving and try to figure out where it all went wrong.  I figure that they did not walk into the 7-eleven and put cash down and pick a car.

Odds are they had to fill out some forms and go through a basic purchasing process to get the car.  It requires a bit of mental athleticism, and some dexterity with a pen and maybe a sheet of paper.

I am not suggesting that people who drive cars are gifted.

I am suggesting that if you have gone through the process of purchasing a car, and learning how to drive, your IQ should cover the basic two digit cut off point. You may even be pushing the range of “average” or “normal” somewhere between 85 and 115.

The question that I ask is.  If you are of average intelligence, clearly able to drive, and possibly able to negotiate the many pitfalls of car purchasing, why can you not figure out that when your car is being propelled forward at 65km an hour and you have a child toddling around say by him or her self or even better with you sitting in the front or back seat holding said baby – when said car comes to an abrupt stop that said child will continue to travel at 65km an hour until said child hits something that will impede it’s travelling speed?

For instance, a windscreen – which they will go through – usually with the big melon that sits above their shoulders.  The windscreen might not stop them. It will definitely assist in slowing them down, until they hit the tar of the road and their skull makes that shattering sound.

It really is not a difficult concept to understand.  Why do parents/adults not insist on buckling up their children?

What could be the reason for not doing it?  9 months seems an awfully long time to gestate a child just so you can vault it through a windscreen at an incredible speed!  Or am I misunderstanding the appeal of this no buckling up thing?

Is there a benefit of spending time at Red Cross Children’s Hospital watching them hook your child up to a ventilator whilst another doctor tries to piece together bits of your offsprings skull and grey matte,r in some crazy 10 000 piece puzzle with no box cover to act as a guide?

Is there a benefit of standing explaining to the now permanently traumatized paramedic that you did not see that car, as it jumped out in front of you, and that your child was standing between the car seats, but now has his head bashed open on the pavement?

What would your reason be when you could have avoided it with something that is sold mandatory with all cars?

I am totally open to hearing both sides of this argument.

So far I have not had one person stand up and go: “You know I personally do not believe in buckling up my child, I think it is a waste of time, and I think that the risk of my child’s brains being bashed out are so miniscule that this is all a conspiracy theory put together by those freaks over at PG Glass!”

If you are that parent, please let me know – maybe your argument is something I have not considered.

Meanwhile, I am quite a fan of Buckle Me Up on Facebook – love this page.

Besides the sage advise this page dishes out, my personal favourite is the name-and-shame photographs people post of drivers who allow kids to drive unbuckled in their cars.  Epic Parenting Fails!!

Here are some images from their site – maybe you know one of these peeps, or you are one of these peeps featured here ….

Lindy Crous – August 29 – Saw this car with a child standing on the back seat at the busy Fairtrees and De Bron Intersection at 4pm today.

2 August ar 17h00 on Bosmansdam road… 2 kids jumping around the back seat …..(there was a universal comment regarding the Jesus Saves sticker, but I think putting your child at this level of risk then expecting Jesus to save your child smacks of a bit of cheek in my opinion)

Taken in Sea Point on the 26th March… in Sea Point

14 March 2012 – Taken on modderdam road yesterday 17:20. Three children in the car.. all unbuckled.. thank you Marthie Kemp for posting …{is that a child between a buckle up safely tag x 2 on the back of this car ….. sigh}

Buckle up people, really you are the adult- there is no excuse for a child in the car you are driving not to be  buckled up! If you child does not like to be buckled up and screams, just say fk it, and buckle him/her up anyway.

Another classic FAIL parenting moment ….

Connor has tennis and cross-country on a Monday.

I yell about him packing his school bag and preparing his bag for the morning, the night before.

But experienced parenting, and starting to lose the will to fight the recurring parent fight of “HAVE YOU PACKED YOUR ________ {INSERT CORRECT ITEM}?” and then to repeat the same thing at least 5 times in one evening, because each time Connor will go: “No Mom, thanks I will go do it now….”

And then he gets distracted by a shiny bauble and does not do the think and then I have to shout/ask/beg/plead: “HAVE YOU PACKED YOUR ________ {INSERT CORRECT ITEM}?”

At some point in the evening I was so tired and sore (I was not feeling well) and wanted to take some medication, a large hot water bottle, and go and have a lie down, I went to set out the kids things for the morning, pack the bags and then just go to bed.

The fight for me was over, I was at the point of, I will just do it myself.

I go and collect Connor from school today, and true as nuts he has two left shoes on.  I packed him the left shoe from two very similar looking grey takkies.

Connor did tennis to the absolute mirth of his tennis coach, and then proceeded to do cross-country in his two left takkies.

{please do not send me a parenting tip on how to persevere and that when I give in, then he never learns ….. please please please …. this is not a great week/month for parenting tips…. it is a great week if you want to come over and do it for me …. then come on over ……. sleep in required …..}