I would like to be smarter ….

I like the idea of getting smarter.  I don’t like the idea of studying.

I am not a good student.  I procrastinate, and I see numbers and my eyes blur over.  I apply way too much pressure to myself, which usually results in me doing nothing studying related, because I have worked myself up into such a frenzy.  I also feel an overriding urge to repack my cupboards or watch that box-set which has been on my shelf for 24 months.

I have attempted UNISA.  Which really means I have enrolled, paid them large sums of money, and never opened the book packs they have sent me.  I did write a few exams with UNISA, but it was more of a “fk I need to cram to know enough to pass an exam” than a learning experience.

I won a really nice course from Friends of Design at the last Cape Town Blog get together, so I was really chuffed with that.  I have scoped out what they offer, and I like it, so definitely want to do one of those.  Maybe two of the courses with them.

My company asked us if we wanted to study, what did we want to study and all of that.  We had 24 hours to come up with what we wanted to do.

I had some ideas around web courses and a journalism course/diploma/degree and so on.  It sounded great.  I got really excited.  But then I kept looking at the course schedule and wondering how the hell I was going to find time to rush from work (I would have to leave early as I work until 6pm) to get to a class, then sit there for 3 – 4 hours and go home.

Only to repeat the same thing the next day.  For four months or for a few years.

I realise I am sounding slightly defeatist before I even start, but cheese and rice.  I barely have enough time to do half the things I want to do at the moment, and I am not doing much other than work+kids+life+sleeping+wine drinking.

I have cut down my internet/social media time, so I really avoid spending hours on this at night.

I do not watch much in the way of television – so there is not a great deal of time there to cut back on.

I try to get to sleep around 22h00 – 23h00 at night.  Going to sleep after 23h00 does leave me shattered.

I am trying not to be “as distracted” as I used to be with my kids at night, and spend more time with them.  Without it looking like I really want to be off doing something else.

I don’t read as much as I used to – I have read a book and a half in the last month, which for me is a bit like not reading at all.

And with all of that, I still find that time seems to blister past me.  I am trying to mark off things in my diary as done, action little bits of things to do, and half the time do not get them done.  I am seriously unsure of where the hell time goes.  I am permanently on the backfoot and rushing from one thing to another.

Tomorrow I am off to write a National Benchmark Test which I believe will act as an indicator as to whether I can enrol to do AIM at the Graduate School of Business for 2012.

I am not feeling particularly motivated or optimistic – numbers scare me and I am pretty sure I can’t get away from questions that involve numbers.

If they ask me one “a train leaves Cape Town with 567 kilogram of coal, it travels at 43 kilometeres per hour, and only stops at Lainsburg and Bloemfontein for water, there it takes on 27 litres of water and 56 litres respectively.  Compartment three is filled with 9 men, two of which are brothers, and five of which are cousins.  Two are lactose intolerant with wheat allergies.  Compartmet seven does not use electricity.  How many apples will the train driver eat by the time he gets to Johannesburg?  Draw a graph to support your answer.”

If I get one of those questions, I am walking right out.  Me, my new pencil and new pen (I always buy a new set of pens and pencils before each test/exam).


Yours sincerely,

The Reluctant Student