I am such a cheap parent ….

I told the kids we are going to wash the car tomorrow.  But I made it sound like an adventure and a treat.

I really wanted to get at least one of them siked, so I focused on Isabelle.  She is tiny, she is toony,  she is a bit …. well you can finish that off yourself.

I told her I was going to give her the hose pipe responsibility.

It is like Xmas is August.  For Isabelle.  Not so much for the other two.  They are on to me and my child labour plan.

It’s fine, I will bribe them with something, or another.

———

Side bar story.  A few weeks back it was Kate’s birthday.  Priv had ordered a HUGE HUGE GI-NORMOUSLY HUGE cream cake for her birthday party.  After the party we got into the car to drive home, and at one point the only person who could hold it was Georgia.

I never give Georgia things to hold.  Because she forgets she is holding something, and then it falls.

But this is a huge white and pink cake, I figure she can’t forget.

I was wrong.

I slow down — and she forgets to hold the cake.  One cream cake gets launched across the inside of the car, and hits everything in it’s way.  Do you know how many crevices and tiny spaces cream cake can get itself into?  Surprisingly more than you would realise.

 

 

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Looking back over a few years of Reluctant Mom ….. a quick stroll, not a delayed walk

I have been blogging under the name Reluctant Mom since AUGUST 21, 2009.  It’s been a while, I thought I would reflect on a few things.  I know that there are many readers who have known me for all the years, whilst there are new blog followers who have recently joined.

So allow me a few posts to look back over the years and the journey that brought me here.  I will not delay you too long.

I had my third child in June 2009.

It was a planned pregnancy.

I was prepared – I had two children already.  I wanted this baby to be the one where I got it all right.

Baby one and two, I put down to learning exercises.

But Baby Three was going to be the one where I got it all right.  All of the stuff I got so wrong before, I was going to have sorted

I was hardly surprised at how this worked.  I knew all about post natal depression, cracked and bleeding nipples.

I knew what being tired really meant.

I read it all, I knew it all.  {thumbs nose at the What to Expect books, because I have this taped ….. ha ha ha ….}

I went in to this with a bit of a swagger in my step, and a glint in my eye.  Because I was so damn sure of myself.

My third child was the gorgeous blue eyed, blonde haired girl that I had dreamt about.

Planned c-section, everything went as one would expect.  Nothing bad.

Other than the usual being cut up on the operating table, with someone up to their elbows in your abdomen.  But other than that, sort of a normal day out in the delivery ward at Medi Clinic.

In my dreams my daughter Isabelle slept with that serene expression on her face as only a newborn baby can.  And that little bit of milk caught on her rosebud lips, to convey the sense that she was well fed and content.

That is how I pictured it in my dreams.  No doubt fuelled by every image I had ever seen in Living and Loving.

Reality I am afraid was very different.

This was my third c-section, and it appeared to get more painful with each one.

No doubt due to the fact that I was older, fatter and they had to cut out huge hunks of scar tissue from the earlier c-sections.

I had my daughter on the Wednesday. Kennith collected me from the Panorama Medi-Clinic on Saturday morning at 10h00.

Then he told me at about 15h00 just as I was suckling my three day old child, that we were expected at dinner that evening and I should get myself ready.

After checking that he was not trying to play a practical joke on me/really fucking serious – I realised that he was being quite serious.

I tried to indicate with the huge cut in my uterus and my blood soaked sanitary pads that I was in no state to sit around a dinner table with 5 other couples.

His rationale was that I had done this twice before, and really what was the big deal.

And so the rapid drop into madness began.

To be continued ……

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Reluctant Mom’s Blog won the Kidzworld Mommy Blogger of the Year 2013

The winner and runners up were announced late last week on the KIDZWORLD website.

1st prize – The Reluctant Mom’s Blog – https://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/
2nd prize – Belinda Mountain who blogs over at “Making Mountains” – http://makingmountains.co.za/
3rd prize – Natasha Clark who blogs over at “Raising Men” – http://littleandbunny.blogspot.com/

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I really was pleased.  I know it is very bad acceptance speech material to say that “it was a surprise” – but it was.

I have really been off my blogging game for a while.  I know that a lot of the bloggers who made the short list work exceptionally hard on their blogs, and write good stuff – so to win is really an honour.

I have a lot of things going on in my personal space that I can’t blog about, but are taking huge amounts of energy and my focus.

My humble and grateful thanks to everyone and anyone who took the time to nominate and vote the The Reluctant Mom’s Blog in the competition.

Winning shit makes me super happy — and it is always nice when my blog gets props.

This blog is l something I hold dear, even when I treat it like a wasteland of bitching.  It’s still my little corner where I retreat to when I need to try to find sanity in it all.

Thank you very much to everyone, and congratulations to the other nominees and the other two bloggers who were in the top three.

These bloggers were nominated and made the top 10 short list:

Cindy Alfino who blogs over at “3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 old House” – http://alfinos.wordpress.com/

Chereen Strydom who blogs over at “For the Beauty of It” – http://forthebeautyofit.blogspot.com/

Stacey Vee who blogs over at “Living Lionheart” http://www.livinglionheart.co.za/

Tanya Kovarsky who blogs at “Rattle and Mum” – http://www.rattleandmum.co.za/

Sharon van Wyk who blogs over at “The Blessed Barrenness”  http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/

Amy Westerman who blogs over at “The Grace Factory” – http://thegracefactory.co.za/

Sarah Huddy who blogs over at “The Mommy City” – http://www.themommycity.co.za/

{apologise if I have spelt anything wrong, please let me know if I have}

 

The list of Bizarre Things all women have done at least once ….

What-Women-Want-To-Hear

1. itsjill

Do shower math when you wake up to see how long you have to sleep and if it’s even worth showering or go back to bed and put your hair in a bun for work.

2. klcna

When hairs fall out in the shower I don’t want to clog the drain so I put them on the shower wall and do a little swirl so they are neat and ready to be put in the garbage when I’m done.

3. bekahrama

Laughed or coughed so hard when you’re on your period and more blood or a blood clot comes out. Then you have to do a quick waddle walk to the bathroom cause you feel like you just turned on the faucet.

4. cupcakegiraffe

When you think nobody is looking, you readjust your bra, stick your hand in, pull ‘em up one at a time, straighten the band and straps, and add an extra squeeze to make sure everything is in its place.

5. circus_snatch

Sit in a strange position when farting, so the fart bubble does not go up the cooter.

6. MoreNutella

Tried on a shirt that was too small, then started to panic in the dressing room after realizing how restrictive it is when you can’t get it back off over the boobs.

Start thinking that you either have to 1. buy the shirt and live in it now, or 2. they’re going to have to use the jaws of life to remove it.

7. flying_pekinese

After shaving, wear silky or satin-y PJs.

8. femmenon

I roll around in my bed going, “SMOOOOOOTH!”

9. JMango

Open my mouth really wide while putting mascara on. Also, redoing updos 30 times even though I’m pretty sure it looks the same every time.

10. wadyflamers

Kegels. Kegels in meetings at work. Kegels in the movie theatre. Kegels at dinner with friends. Kegels everywhere. If you’re talking to me, and I’m sitting, I am definitely kegeling.

11. Drenken

Instantly every girl who reads this does a Kegel.

12. amandalauren

Got on all fours in front of a mirror to see what doggystyle looks like from the dude’s perspective.

Not bad.

13. antichrist_superstar

When you wear a tight pair of pants and there is the seam that creates a little bulge right in the crotch, when you sit it presses against your vagina nicely, so you wiggle back and forth a bit to enjoy it. I can’t be the only women that has felt it or enjoyed it.

14. febreeze358

Don’t have a tampon when you start your period… fold up toilet paper, place in the middle of underwear, struggle to pull up pants without dislodging the padding, walk unnaturally in an attempt to not mess up the paper… failure. Just… failure. Bloody, shredded paper in your underwear when you get home.

15. fandabidozichu

Cup shower water in my boobies then unleash the water torrent on my walls/toes.

16. KlaireBop

Spending 30 mins in front of the mirror trying to get the “cat eye” liquid eyeliner just right. So far I’ve never succeeded.

17. Waitwhatnow

Place hands in crotch for warmth.

18. thenewchornogrophers

That amazing back/stomach scratch when you take your bra off after a long day. Best feels ever.

19. reighbooker

I stick my hand down my pants all the time- watching tv, playing on the computer. It’s not sexual, I just hold my lady while I watch Netflix.

20. rcmeadows

Measure to see if our hair can cover our boobs/nipples in a playboy manner when just down. We all do it, I am sure of it.

21. sociallyawkwardjess

We masturbate to fall asleep quicker. But once you have one orgasm you’re like, oh wait, I can have another. So begins a vicious cycle.

22. KMKSouthie2001

Enjoy the rush of freedom and lack of constriction that comes from taking one’s bra off at the end of the day. Be free, my titties!

23. RosieJo

Sometimes I look down at my nipples and think they’re too soft and big so I flick them to make them small and pointy.

24. scoopl

Double checked to make sure I didn’t accidentally put in two tampons. Let me die of embarrassment now.

25. _dreamline

When trying to poop in public we try to pretend we’re not in the stall and act dead silent if someone comes in. We won’t poop until they’ve left the bathroom. If they came to poop there is usually a poop stalemate. Nobody wins in a poop stalemate.

In other situations in a public wash room: keeping the flusher held down while taking a tremendous dump to avoid smell and noise. Don’t deny you haven’t done this!

26. goatcheese

Purposely don’t shave vag when going out to avoid a hook-up.

27. iamseriously

The period check. When you’re sitting down, you “accidentally” drop something and while you’re bending over to pick it up, you sneak a peek between your legs to make sure you’re not leaking.

Also, indiscriminately doing the “check” for ANY fellow female who asks, regardless of who they are — even your worst enemy or someone you’ve never met before.

28. HiOnAir

Period Paranoia: Make unnecessary trips to the bathroom before or during period time. It’s lik hammertime, backed up against a wall, shuffling to the bathroom- except a lot more sad.

29 Missionblack

Squatting like a baseball catcher to stretch out freshly washed jeans.

 30. bobtail

Only shaved what’s necessary. Knee-length skirt? No need to shave higher!

Please pop along and nominate this blog – http://www.kidzworld.co.za/competitions/mommy-blogger.html

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Racist card or valid question?

I saw a post on a Charity facebook page that had posted several photographs of children receiving presents, and opening them – the children all (I assume all, I did not go through them and do a tally) were non-white.

After a particularly lovely photograph of a black South African young boy opening his gift with a smile that could light up Cape Town, Jane Doe had posted the comment: “sal ons ander raskinders se glimlaggies ook sien asb.”

The English translation is loosely “Will we be seeing the smiling faces of children of other races please” – my translation skills are not on University level, but that is sort of the gist of it.

Clearly some people made a poop in their pants – others just went befok!

There was the standard response of “a child is a child no matter what their race” …. and that is true, but that was not what she was asking.

I saw further comments about the original comment on other facebook status updates.  I did not make the connection until I saw the original comment and where it was posted, and then the penny dropped.

I am not sure if the person who posted the question was asking because she felt that non-white children had only been featured on this facebook page.  

Or whether she really was curious where the white people were.

Or that she was taking issue – or just making a comment – that there seemed to be very little in the way of white faces being presented.

Or that she felt that unless she saw a white child now, she was going to rethink why she had “liked” this page.

I am not sure – what her frame of reference was for the question.

The children registered are probably representative of the population of South Africa as a whole.  My guess is that there would be far more coloured children in the photographs from the Western Cape, than say for the Gauteng area.  

I would suppose.

Whites are the minority – and make up less than 10% of the South African population.  And based on this, one would expect to see far less white faces in the photographs than say of children of colour.

The question did not rile me that much.  It does (for me) bring back the issue that race is a very sensitive topic in this our rainbow nation.  One has to tread very carefully with what you ask and how it is phrased.

I think is the “lesson” when reading posts, comments and pretty much everything on the interweb is that you really don’t know the tone that the person was using, what they actually meant or anything more about her other than these 9 words that make up this comment/post.

I have interviews with candidates who for the most part black South Africans or black foreign nationals.  I am often taken aback when one of the candidates starts a sentence with “You know how black people are….” or “You know how those people are ….”

Clearly the right answer from me is “er, no …..” – it seems dangerous to have any other reaction.

On non related news I took this photograph of Isabelle and Kate (Katelyn) yesterday in a moment where they seemed to be sharing a private joke … and no, I do not know why there is a piece of ribbon pasta lying between them.

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Here is a gift for you … if you live in Johannesburg

In the spirit of happy Friday and Reluctant Mom Blog turning FOUR, I have a double set of tickets for the Iconic Electro Pop Diva – ALISON MOYET who is performing at Emperors Palace on the 13th and 14th December 2013.

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The Reluctant Mom Blog has a set of double tickets to give away for the performance on the 13th December 2013.  

Alison Moyet was definitely a staple of my growing up years.  I remember her from the formation of the synthpop duo Yazoo with former Depeche Mode member Vince Clarke.

It was the best group – outside of Depeche Mode, who I have loved from afar for many years.  I adored Yazoo. Loved her.  She has this smokey husky voice, and was everything that was brilliant about the ’80’s.

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Yazoo unfortunately did not last long, but had some phenomenal musics and Vince Clark went on to form Eurasure, and Alison Moyet went out on her own.

I saw her on the Graham Norton Show a few weeks back, and she performed – she is still beautiful and her voice is divine, divine, divine.  Soulful and gorgeous.

In Johannesburg, available to attend the Alison Moyet Concert on the 13 December 2013, with your bestie or your husband or your vaguely significant other?

Follow this blog (there is a doo-hickey on the right hand side of the blog – so click that) and leave a comment on this blog post – you can pretty much say anything you like – and you are in with a CHANCE to win tickets.

Winner will be announced on 9 September.

Clearly I am not flying you anywhere and you will not be staying with me, nor will I be picking up your bar tab.  No, I am not giving you the money instead of the tickets.  Yes, you can breastfeed at the show — I am sure.   I am giving you tickets, the rest, is up to you to arrange.

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The Reluctant Mom over on Facebook …

Contrary to popular belief I am not terribly good with working out how to get my blog, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and all the other bits and pieces of social media to work together.

I think partly I am too shit scared I will break something.

I quite like Instagram, but I often forget to take photos of my food.

Twitter is lost on me.  There is so much retweeting, and cross referencing and retweeting retweets that link back to a person or a product …. at 144 characters it really seems like way too much frkn effort.  But there are like 45 million users in South Africa, there are just not 45 million and one.

I am really not sure anyone wants to hear from me that much to want to know what I ate for breakfast  and why I think that the sunset in Cape Town is just t0o fucking fantastic today (we have sunsets in Cape Town every day …. without fail) …. I am pretty sure no one should be subjected to that much of me.  Ever.  Without a script of Xanax.

Any the who.

I set up a The Reluctant Mom’s Blog Facebook page some time ago, but I fucked it up a bit with the settings – somehow Idid.  True story.  I have taken another run at it and here is the New and yet “no friends” The Reluctant Mom Facebook Page.

That’s me.  Johnny No Mates.  And yes this is a cry for attention.

Why else do you think bloggers blog?  Do you actually think we are doing it for any other reason that we are desperate for the “you like me, you like me” vote.  Blogger “must be liked” complex, no matter how much we act all like we don’t really care what people think or say.

Here is a clue, if a blogger really did not care what anyone thinks or says because they don’t care, they would set their blog to private and only invite their mom, a guy in Parow named Schalk, and their uncle Herman.

Sad, but true.  Bloggers are naturally people-media-stranger whores.  We just do it for free.  So there people is the great debate unraveled for you.

If you are on Facebook and want to toddle along and hook up with me. Then here we go: http://www.facebook.com/ReluctantMom

I will promise you that I will not do many status updates. I tend to forget it is there.

I promise I will not keep you updated on much, again because I am a bit slow that way and will forget.  You may have a few in the first month, but I can almost guarantee it bottoming out from there.

I promise that I will never ask you to enter something on my blog and then go like my facebook page, and then wear your panties on the outside to buy bread and Pick ‘n Pay.  Seriously I pinkie promise.

I probably I will not keep telling you how fantastic my kidlets are.  If I ever call my children “kidlets”, I give you permission to come over to my house and stab me with a stick of Prestik.  In the neck.  Repeatedly.

I also promise never to call Kennith my hubby and post how much I love him – because really if I cannot pick up the phone and leave a message on his phone saying just that, then why the fuck must I tell you?

There we go – those are the rules I promise to play by in Facebook world.

I also promise to also never refer to anyone who is pregnant as preggy.  Seriously if I do, realise it is a cry for help.  Come over with a bottle of wine and a shotgun.  Bottle of wine for you.  Shotgun for me.

Facebook Hangover

The Reluctant Mom on Facebook.