Who am I? Not always sure …..

I tend to write longer posts, so if you are looking for a quick glance read, this might not be the blog for you, but in short, here is a bit about me.

I am thirty eight nine “too old to keep adding my age here” years old.

I still laugh when I think that there is a bank that gives me a loan to buy a house, and that I am old enough not to be sitting at the children’s table at weddings.

I often think somehow I am faking my way through the day, and that someone is going to realise that I am actually still fifteen years old.

I live in Cape Town, and work in print and production, and now have wandered off into recruitment.  It looks like I will now be moving into a role that encompasses both, so that is a bit very exciting.  And frightening.  I made a bit of a life decision recently and that was to return to my little business.  I enjoy it, most days.  I realised I am actually quite good at it.  And I like the flexibility that working for myself gives me.

Though the idea that it is me who is responsible for my pay check at the end of the month scares the bejesus out of me.

I juggle three children, and work – some days better than others.

I struggle with depression and an anxiety disorder – presently not on medication, but take each day as it comes. well, that idea worked until it didn’t.

Late June 2011, I opted back on to as much medication as my pharmacist and friendly pill doctor would legally allow.  And so far so good.

Clearly when I say “you complete me” I am specifically referring to my script.

I hate jazz, with a passion I cannot describe.

I have an unnaturally severe dislike for liquorice – this might be linked to a rather unfortunate experience with Sambuca … it still makes me gag at the thought.

I love Chuckles … however have recently discovered pecan and fudge shortbread, which is equally divine.

I love a great meal with friends and a great bottle of wine … who am I kidding,  a few bottles of wine.  Sometimes I don’t even invite friends around and just have the wine by myself.  True story.

I am deeply suspicious of people who are too cheerful and too happy … it makes me MORE nervous and anxious.

I enjoy people who have a slightly dark streak in their personality, and I love people who just say it like it is.  But make it funny.  No one likes an out of control bitch.

I cry at so many silly things …. I cry when I go into Build a Bear and they put the hearts inside the teddy bears.

I live with my partner of sixteen years and we recently got married in July 2010. (I realised that I was a closet bride princess which came as a bit of a shock to everyone, including me, but there you go, wonders never cease.)

Yes about that, unfortunately that shit doesn’t fly anymore, and we are going through a divorce.  Listen, I can’t even make this shit up ….. really ……it is the most amicable divorce in history.  We are doing our utmost to remain adult, and to talk to each other with respect and to keep in mind that we have been together for nearly half our lives, and that our “relationship” will continue until we die because we have children.

I just cannot face a shitty divorce.

No matter where I sit in a movie theater I will get the guy next to me who crushes his straw into his Slurpie repeatedly – that guy is drawn to me like a magnet.  And I to him.  The universe it appears wants me to stab in his eye with his straw.

I have stopped questioning the universe.

 

What I would rather be doing …

Drinking wine – I am partial to a little Chenin Blanc, okay a lot of Chenin Blanc.

Killing – or just maiming – people who use the word “stationary” in place of “stationery”.

I love to read – especially historic fiction and a bit of psychological drama.

I do hang around forums a bit too long for my own good.  I have cut this back somewhat as I have realised my ability to sort through “your shit” and “my shit” is somewhat impaired.

I read other blogs when I can.

I wish I had more time to practice photography.

I am not always sure “who I am” …. and often I sort of make it up as I go.

I am not all mysterious and alluring, it really just means that at this juncture in my life I am still not sure “who I am” —- it always strikes me how self assured people appear with “who they think they are” and for me, I am all over the radar on this one.

These images are quite dated, but any way ………. three kids and I am the person most likely to be voted “she who does not want any children” —– straight shit happens when you are hopped up on estrogen.